Lost and was Found
by EverlyYours
Summary: Bella was changed into a vampire and she has powers that she must learn to control. Yet what happens when she finds Edward? Her broken, unbeating heart still aches for him, but what happens when she uses her power accidently and finds a dark secret? R
1. Chapter 1

I stared at the dish in my hand, the pain in my heart throbbing, making it hard for me to breathe. I began to wash it slowly, knowing I have nothing better to do. My mind… or what is left of it started to wanderer. I scrubbed the plate in my hand and looked out the window, knowing that Jake was somewhere out there, probably worrying about me. I should say that he should not worry, that there is nothing to be concerned about, but truthfully, I myself can see how life is slowly draining out of me. Everyday hold less and less meaning for me…living means less to me.

Am I suicidal? Maybe. I love Charlie, I love Jake, I love Renee, but it's hard to love someone when your heart is in pieces. It's as if someone ties your hands and feet together and throws you into the ocean, demanding you to swim. Sometimes…you just can't because…you're not capable; I am not capable of living. Not without him.

But what am I to do? He doesn't love me. I mean, who would love me? I am worthless. He only gave me an illusion of love, an illusion I needed. I wanted to feel loved for once, to feel the glory of first love, even if it was all pretend for him, it wasn't for me.

The memories I shall cherish forever, and I guess I can thank him for pretending for me. Thank him for the little memories he left me with, and that is all I can say.

A lie takes two to work. One to speak it, and one to listen. I guess I am stuck listening again. How naïve I am, to believe he loved me. To believe I actually meant something to him. He could live forever, yet there he was with me, how could I believe such a thing? I was nothing more than an interest, I was human, and maybe there was something about my blood that lured him.

He always said I was special, that I was beautiful. Once again, lies. You'd think I'd hate him right? Well, surprise, surprise, I can't. I'm too weak to hate such a beautiful creature. I love him, truly I do. I miss him, I feel empty, incomplete.

Then suddenly, I got a sickening feeling in my gut. I sensed someone's presence. I gulped and turned around to find myself starring into the red eyes of a thirsty vampire. Victoria.

The plate I held fell to the ground and shattered to pieces, an impious smile on her lips. My body began to shake violently and my heart beat picked up. Fear starting to choke me. She had come for me.

"So we meet again, Bella." She smirked, her eyes scorching into mine. I was going to die. Tears started to fall silently down my cheek as I realized my wish for death was granted.

"W-what is it you want?" I whispered, my bottom lip trembling, and my voice shaking. I remember the last time I had seen her I was in terrible danger, and Edward was my hero. I wonder why he would go through all that trouble…

She smiled again, "You."

I backed up into the counter, it pierced into my side, but I ignored that pain. I grasped it tightly, needing something to help me stand.

"The Cullens are gone." I whispered, "What d-do you w-want with m-me?"

"Ah, yes. Your little family abandoned you, pity really. I was hoping to rub this in…just a bit."

She looked around the kitchen, walking around leisurely as if she was strolling along in the park. She picked up the knife from the counter and examined it in her hand.

"But that's alright; I have other ways to torture them…along with you." She told me, as if she was bored, she played with the knife in her hand, weighing it from hand to another.

"You see, Bella. It's mate for mate. I will hit him where it hurts; I will attack his weakest point. His heart. Well not exactly his heart but you get what I mean." She said without looking up, her voice itself sent shivers down my spine. So confident and strong, as if she knew this was going to be an easy death. "Your precious Edward," Edward. His name brought a new pain to my heart, I whimpered lightly at the name, and Victoria seemed to notice this.

"Does the name bother you, dear?" She questioned me, seeming concerned, fake. I know vampires can lie. Only because I had one lie many times to me before. Every time Edward would whisper he loved me, was a lie. I know better than to believe a single word that comes out of vampire's lips.

"E-Edward," His name burned my tongue, "Is g-gone. He l-left m-me." There. I admit the fact, though why am I stalling my death? Isn't this what I want?

Yes this is what I want. I reasoned with myself. Death is what I asked for and death is what I got…just not in the way I expected.

Victoria raised her eyebrow, "That, too, Bella, I am aware of. I actually know a lot more than you, for example the area where your little Edward is."

My breathing became rigid. Edward.

"Where is he?" I demanded my voice strong, though the tears did not stop. She placed down the knife and looked up at me.

"That is for me to know. You see, I have my intentions set on killing you. And I shall not leave until I do so. It will be a slow…gruesome…painful death. Shall explain how I will do it?" She asked me, a cheerful tone in her voice as if she was talking to me about love let alone death.

"First," She said, stepping closer to me, "I will break each of your legs. Making it hard for you to escape. Second, I will take this knife, and shove it down your throat. Letting you bleed for a while. Then I will cut each of your fingers off, which I will gladly mail to your boyfriend. Next I will gladly taste your blood, allowing my venom to flow into your veins." She smiled evilly, "That will be even more painful than any other pain you can compare it to. Then, when you beg me to kill you, I shall gladly comply."

I did not want to die like that, with so much pain. I did not want this!

"Please," I whispered, pushing myself further into the edge. Terror creeping up my throat, I felt like I was going to throw up as she slowly picked up the knife again, looking at in intensely.

"Oh, but I am not done." She said calmly, "You see, like I said, I will mail your Edward each of your fingers, and one toe. He will have to find the rest; he will follow the trail I shall lay for him because he would want to avenge you. And that is how you fit into this perfect."

She skimmed her nail along the blade of the knife, sharpening it. A sharp metallic sound filled the air, like nails on the chalk board; small sparks flew from the knife.

She grinned at me, "You will simply lay the trap, and I shall kill. He will fall right into me, and then I can kill him much worse than what I shall do to you, consider yourself lucky."

My hands were shaking and my teeth clattering, as she lurked towards me.

Then I heard it.

The sound of a car. Charlie.

"No!" I gasped, I will not letting Charlie get hurt!

I looked around frantically, as Victoria turned her head towards the door, also hearing my father word his way up towards the door. My eyes fell upon the door as well, my chest heaving up and down, I looked at the window.

It was a long shot but it was better than nothing.

I jumped up on the counter and quickly opened the window with fumbling hands. Victoria's head whipped around in inhuman speed and she lunged towards me, with a cried I threw myself out the window.

I cried out in pain as her hands made contact with my skin, so cold and so hard. She gripped my arm tightly until I heard a sickening 'snap' I screamed out as she twisted my arm.

I tried to pull myself out the window, trying to escape, my good hand gripped the frame, on leg outside, and I pulled against her grip. But of course she was too strong.

She pulled me back effortlessly and let me fall to the ground with a revolting thump, my head began to spin and I tasted blood in my mouth.

I saw Victoria's eyes darken and she pulled me up by the neck, choking me. I struggled against her iron grip, my lungs crying for air, I began coughing and sputtering. Pain on my right arm which lay broken and useless next to my body, seemed nothing compared to the pain in my chest.

"Bella?" I heard Charlie call franticly. No!

"C-Charlie." I sputtered, gasping for air, but Victoria's grip only tightened.

"Bella!" Charlie exclaimed his eyes wide as he ran into the kitchen.

"YOU LET HER GO RIGHT NOW!" He roared, taking his gun and pointing at her head.

She laughed bitterly, but only lifted me off the floor so I was dangling inches above the floor. Things were starting to get blurry now, block spots filling my vision.

Charlie's face was filled with terror and rage as he pulled the trigger on his gun. The gunshot sounded then before it hit her arm she let go of my neck and caught it effortlessly in the palm of her hand.

I fell to the ground gasping for air, coughing and panting. I held my right arm close to my body, and I saw the bone protruding out of my skin, purple bruises all around it. I got to my feet quickly, but not fast enough.

Victoria looked at the bullet in her hand, and smiled at she squeezed it gently, and it crumbled to pieces. Charlie's eyes widened and he shot her twice more, but it simply bounced of her skin, doing no damage.

"W-What are you!?" He yelled, pulling the trigger more and more. "Bella! Get behind me NOW!"

Victoria laughed bitterly as I attempted to run towards him, her fist caught me right in the jaw and I heard it crack, I fell yet again to the ground.

My jaw felt as it was broken, which I think it was. Tears burned down my cheeks as I cried out.

"Bella!" Charlie yelled and dropped his gun running towards him with only anger on his face. He ran past Victoria who stood by watching us with amused expression.

"Bella, oh Bella, please, hold on, I'll get us out of here, hold on." He whispered to me as he scooped me in his arms, but before he could lift me off the floor he was thrown back against the fridge.

"NO!" I sobbed, but I couldn't move, it hurt far too much. I struggled to stand up but receive another blow in the face, and I felt blood pour down my left cheek.

I saw Victoria bend over Charlie and smile on her lips, "You are brave for a human," She whispered, and with that she sank her teeth into his neck.

"DAD!" I screamed, I sat up and tried to stand again, "DAD!" I yelled again, tears falling freely.

"Bella," He whispered his lips cold and blue, his eyes wide and now lifeless. His bloodless body fell to the ground, and I broke down sobbing.

"No!" I moaned, "Charlie." I sobbed, then Victoria stood above me, nudge my face with her foot.

"Stand up; it will make this a lot easier. It seems I have to make this quicker than I thought."

I did not listen to her; I curled into a ball and cried at the loss of my father's life. HE CANNOT DIE!

"I said STAND UP!" She screamed and kicked me, hard, in the side, sending my flying against the counter. Blood trickled down my face and from the arm, along with my sides. It all hurt so much; I slumped against the counter, because I could not hold myself up.

She took my other arm and twisted it. I cried out as I heard it snap, not both my arms were useless.

"Stop!" I screamed, and she only smiled wider.

She took her foot, and gently at first placed her foot atop of mine. My eyes grew wide as she stepped down. The popping of my toes filling the air. I screamed louder, the immense pain everywhere. She laughed harder as she caught me before I fell to the ground, holding me up.

Then with a smug smile, she sank her teeth into my neck.

I was wrong.

The pain I felt before was _nothing _compared to this. I hurt badly, like a million bee stings, or a thousand shark bites all at once. I lashed out against her, crying in agony. I arched my back as she began to drink the blood out of my neck. The world slowly and painfully starting to fade.

Suddenly the door flew open and the pack ran in. It was hard to see 3 enormous wolves standing in my kitchen, and I knew others were waiting outside. Jacob bared his teeth and lunged at Victoria who had pulled her teeth out of my neck and dropped me to the ground.

Her eyes wide in shock.

Everything was on fire now. I screamed as the fire spread through me. I was changing. I knew it, it hurt so much! I distantly heard vicious growls, which I knew was Victoria's death.

The pain seemed to overcome everything now. All my sense, all my thoughts were all focused on this burning pain that ripped through me. I couldn't feel anything but this pain. As if everything _was _pain.

I couldn't feel my broken arms or foot; I couldn't feel the blood dripping down my face. Those pains are nothing compared to this. I heard if many times from Edward and Alice, the pain of changing. But I never would have imagined it, as cruel as this. There is nothing I could do to prepare myself to such a pain as the one I felt now.

As if a million pounds was dropped upon my body, and was thrown into a fire. I wanted death more desperately then I wanted it before.

I want Victoria to finish the job, hell I want _Jacob _to finish the job. I understand now, how people can beg for death, death…is sort of a form of escaping… for me escaping this blazing pain.

And I knew, this was only the beginning.

I heard Jacob's words wash over me. "Bella, Bella, oh no, Bella, please, Bella, _please!"_

He cried out in agony and I felt myself being lifted.

**Jacob's POV.**

I pulled her up into my arms as she twisted in pain. She screamed and lashed out, her eyes closed shut.

"Bella," I moaned, "NO!"

NOT MY BELLA! My beautiful, innocent Bella was turning to this…_monster. _It was my entire fault… all my fault.

I heard Sam and Leah finish up the job, and I ran with a screaming Bella in my hands towards the woods. This couldn't happen this _can't _happen.

I felt tears run down my cheeks and my moans in agony along with Bella's desperate cries of pain. I was helpless, there was no way I can help her now. A sobbed racked through me as I held her tighter, my Bella slowly fading.

"Jake!" Sam called from behind me.

I whirled around to face him, not bothering to wipe my tears. Sam's face twisted with pity and pain as his eyes landed on the screaming Bella. She began to struggle in my arms, clawing at me, leaving marks. But those tiny pains were nothing compared to the ripping in my heart.

"No…" Sam breathed, his eyes widening. His eyes instantly flashed to mine. "Jake…you know what this means."

I stared at him, then the realization hit.

"NO!" I roared, "I will NOT kill her! And neither will you! This is not her fault!" I yelled at him furiously.

No, I cannot kill Bella; I cannot let Bella die.

"It won't be Bella for much long, Jacob." Sam whispered, "We have the safety of others to consider."

I growled fiercely, no one will touch her. "Let me take her somewhere…let me take her home."

"Then what, Jake?" He yelled at me, stepping forward, "Let this monster wake? Let this _thing _kill our families? Jacob we live to protect, yet you are brining danger right into their paths."

"Please," I whispered, my eyes burning from the tears, my chest heaving. "I'll take her somewhere…out of Forks."

"We are not only protecting where we live, Jake. Please try to be reasonable."

Bella's ear splitting scream filled the air and both Sam and I winced, she twisted against my body, shuddering violently. A sob escaped from my lips as I watched her squirm in pain.

"Sam, please." I begged him, "I love her. I can't just let her die."

"Jacob, she's already dying."

I winced as his words cut through me. The pain in my chest throbbing, and my breathing heavy and laboured.

"We must do this now before the change is complete. By then it will be impossible to catch her, she's a newborn. Now Jacob."

I stared down at her, at her pained beautiful face, I gently wiped the tears from her closed eyes, and she cried out yet again. My poor Bella, how could I let this happen?

I was too late. I'm _always _too late! I was too late to love her, and now I'm too late to save her. What am I good for? I'm always two steps behind. Always a second too late. _Always second best. _

She still loves Edward that much I know. I can tell even now, as she's in pain, that she wishes it was Edward's arms around her rather than mine. Sometimes, I just don't understand how she can love such a vile cruel creature. But I understand now. Because the love of my life was now, a newborn vampire.

I love her no less. My heart still belongs to her, even if she won't take it. Now her heart… is slowly coming to a stop. Now I am to make the choice…keeping my Bella, or killing my Bella. Though she won't be Bella for much longer…because as her heart beat fades, so does her humanity.

She is the one thing I am sent to kill, the one thing that I am sworn to slaughter, simply by instinct. But I love her too much…there must be another choice.

I cannot picture my precious Bella as a killer. I cannot see her as a monster, no matter how hard I try to picture it, and I cannot find myself to hate this creature. Because I knew that this creature is Bella. Though it is against all nature, against all beliefs, I love her too much.

"I-I can't." I told him, my voice shaking along with my body.

"Then I will," Sam said gently, taking a step forward, and I reactively took a step back. "Jacob, this is the only way."

The pack came running now, all back into their human forms. The paused when they felt the intense atmosphere, and stopped a few feet away from Sam, their faces puzzled.

"What's going on here?" Jared asked, the tone in his voice sounded as if he really didn't want to know. Bella screamed out again, almost falling out of my arms, and all their heads snapped towards her, eyes widening.

"Shit…" Embry breathed, his hands going into fists.

"What are we going to do?" Jared asked, not taking his eyes off Bella.

"Kill it." Sam answered simply, a shrug of his shoulders.

I gritted my teeth, my anger flaring, I took a step back. "No you are not going to touch _her._"

Everyone's eyes flashed from mine to Sam's, and the all instantly took two steps back. Sam pinched the bridge of his nose, and sighed, taking a step forward.

"Listen, I am no longer asking for permission. This is an order."

"Then I'm sorry to reply that I cannot follow that order." I told him, trying to keep the fear out of my voice. I adjusted Bella in my arms, ready to run.

"Then I'm sorry that it must lead to this." He said gently, and looked over his shoulder at our family, who watched us with shocked, pained faces.

A growl ripped from Sam's throat, along with mine. Sam lunged at me, and the next thing I knew a large black wolf's teeth almost met my arm.

I jump back in surprise, and a growl ripped through me. Sam lunged again, and I easily dodged out of the way.

I knew I couldn't keep this up much longer, especially in my human form. Sam will have my throat and Bella's life.

Then out of nowhere a wolf with chocolate brown fur jumped in front of me, I recognized him as Quil, he snapped his teeth at Sam, causing him to jump back. Quil whipped his head around to me, his eyes wide, screaming only one word.

Run.

I twirled around and run into the road, I ran faster than I ever had, even as a werewolf. Bella was shaking and moaning in my arms, but all I heard was the fierce growls from behind me, slowly fading as I ran faster. I need Bella safe, even though she would soon be…soon be something she was not, right now that didn't matter.

Quil understood. I know that now. He loves Claire, as I love Bella. He would do anything for her, and he knows I would do the same for Bella. He understands me. He knows how I cannot have Bella die, just as he could not have Claire. He shares the same pain with me.

I came to the La Push boundary and I ran towards me home, step after step, faster and faster. My heart was beating fast now, and I could hear Bella's was too.

I approached my home now, I pulled out the key to my car, though it still needed some work it will do for now. I jammed my key into the lock and flung the door open, gently putting Bella inside. Her breath was heavy now, panting, her chest would raise and fall and her eyes remained tightly closed. I ran around to the other side and started the car. Without I second thought I backed out of the drive way and veered through the roads.

I debated with myself where I should go. I could go to Seattle; we could stay there until her transformation is complete…

_Then what Jake? _My conscience reasoned with me; _leave her there to kill all those innocent people?_

No… I couldn't do that. What to do? I let my mind wanderer as I sped through the roads, not exactly knowing which way to go. Then the idea hit me.

Canada.

I turned sharply at the corner, my tires squeaking against the pavement. I pressed on the gas harder, and I knew of course I would never get passed the border, that's alright.

I'll run.

My breathing was getting frantic as I came to a stop at a trail. The road ended and it was all trees, in front of me was a trail into the woods.

I looked around quickly, my eyes landing on Bella, who's eyes were tightly closed, sweat across her forehead, she was no longer screaming, but I could see she was in incredible pain, she seemed to be fighting it. That's my Bella. Always a fighter.

I shut the car off and ran around to Bella's side, opened the door quickly and scooping Bella into my arms. I debated for a moment; I looked at the trail, then at the think trees. I chose quickly since we didn't have much time. I ignored the trail that seemed to be calling at me, and made my way into the thickness of the forest.

Branches hit my face and I winced as they drew blood, I held Bella close to myself, draping my t-shirt over her shivering body. I started to run, for what seemed like the millionth time today. I pushed my way through the trees, jumped over the fallen logs, and tried to ignore that sharp pain from Bella's screams ever so often. She wouldn't scream as much, but still enough to make my heart clench.

As I ran I felt tears pour down my face, Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. Why is the world so cruel? Why can't two people live happily? I could give her everything that life had to offer, I could help her. I could love her. She still stubbornly held on to Edward, that I already know, but I also know that once something is gone, all you have is the memory. I could help her let go of that memory. I could create new memories with her, I could make her happy. She loves me too; she said so, though not in the same way…still there is a part in her heart that loves me too. And I think eventually that part will eventually go stronger. But now. Her heart is fading.

There will be no more Bella to love…and it hurts. It hurts to think that, to think that my Bella is dying, and I am helpless. I know that…technically she's not _really _dying, I mean she'll still live after this…but differently. I wouldn't call what those leaches have _"lives" _but I can't think of any other term.

I wonder if…my love is strong enough to… _overlook _that. That maybe when you love someone…it doesn't matter what they _are. _I mean, she loves me right? Why can't I return the favour?

It goes against everything I know, everything I live for. In love with my worst enemy, that's a new one. I now doubt all my thinking, I use to think of vampires as evil, cruel, heartless- you know what I mean, nasty things. But Bella can never be that, she's too pure, too kind. I can't imagine her evil, it's just too strange.

I'm in love with a vampire. Oh joy.

I came to a clearing now, more like a meadow. My nose instantly scrunched up as I smelled that sweet, icy, sickening smell. The smell of vampire.

I leaned down to Bella, and sniffed her hair. It was not her…yet. This meadow. It smelled like vampire, as if it was stitched into each blade of grass and every leaf and petal. I looked around, puzzled, this was strange. There was no presence, simply the smell, like a memory.

Bella moaned loudly, her hands grasping the air then falling lamely at her side. She squirmed in my arms, her eye lid fluttered.

"Bella?" I whispered softly, wondering if magically she was waking. "Bella, love?"

Her eyes fluttered open and I gasped when I took in what I saw.

Her eyes were not only brown, but had specks of red. Her eyes were swimming with red, her jaw clenched, she did not move. I heard her heart beat, so…the…transformation isn't complete. Yet miraculously she had snapped out of it?

"Bella?" I asked again, shaking her lightly.

Maybe, my heart jumped, the transformation has somehow stopped, and maybe there wasn't enough venom or something. I wouldn't know. But maybe my Bella wasn't going to be a vampire.

She did not answer me, and she stared up at me with wild eyes.

"E-Edward?" She whispered, her eyes narrowing.

My heart dropped.

Edward? How could she mistake me for that bloodsu- that vampire? I don't know if she'll ever know, out of everything heart break she gave me, this has to be the worst.

Her head whipped around, and widening at the meadow, tears began to fall down her cheeks and she moaned in pain and instantly her eyes closed shut and she fell back into unconsciousness, and back into the pain.

Tears threatened to spill over as I began to run again. My chest heaving, not from exhaustion, but from the _pain. _You'd think, that the one time she could snap out of the pain, the one time she had a chance to _see _again, to escape from the pain, even for the briefest instant, she would have recognized me.

She should have taken that moment to apologize to me, apologize for taking herself away from me forever. Yet instead, like always, it was always Edward. Edward was always first for her, never poor little Jake. I sometimes wonder if the only reason she said she love me is because she's too kind. Bella doesn't have flaws, besides her clumsiness, none expect one.

She is far too kind. She always wants _others _to be happy, she tries and she tries so hard for others that sometimes she loses herself in the progress. That she focuses so strongly on other's happiness that she forgets her own, then she finds herself miserable. That's another reason why she should choose me, I could make her happy. I could be the one to worry about her if she didn't worry about herself. To hold her together when she can't do it herself, to dry her tears when she cries, to take the pain away. I can't do that this time. I can't take this pain away from her.

And so as her heart dies, I die with it.

The one moment we have the opportunity to speak to each to each other, to say our final words, mine: her name, and hers: his. It forever scarred my heart which is shattered in tiny pieces. We had that one chance to say our goodbyes, and then she whispered that one word.

I am just such an idiot. Here I am, saving this girl who doesn't even love me. Loving this girl who will soon be my immortal enemy. _Caring _for this girl who does not return the favour. What. Am. I. Doing? What is _wrong _with me, I mean can't I just find someone who actually loves me in return? Can't I have that one glimpse at happiness?

"Bella," I whispered, wondering if she could hear me, "You're tearing me apart, Bells."

I saw two tears slip from her closed eyes and I wiped them away quickly, and hugged her gently to myself as I continued to run. I shifted her gently so that her head lay on my shoulder, my arms around her. This was the last few memories I will have with her.

After this…I don't know what will happen. I just know I will always love her. Forever she will be remembered as the loving Bella I know is inside. Even if she's… when she's a vampire. I know my Bella is somewhere in there, starring at me. I know that the Bella I spent the best years of my life is smiling at me. I know that no matter what, she somehow loves me too. And I will always have that special place inside my heart that hold all our memories, our laughs, our tears, all of those will never be forgotten, and will never fade.

Suddenly Bella let out another heart breaking scream, one that was a little stronger than the others, I shut my eyes briefly, tears welling up. I ran faster, hours passed, and the moon was getting higher in the sky.

My skin was soaked with sweat, and my breathing was laboured, but I won't stop, not until Bella is safe.

**17 Hours Later.**

Was this possible? I guess if you love someone, anything is? Either way, I have been running for 17 hours now, with a few stops, but none long enough. The sun is high in the sky, and Bella's heart is beating faster. I remember Sam telling me that it takes about three days for the transformation for a vampire to be complete. I passed day 1, and I am not working my way through day two.

My legs were aching like hell, and my arms hurt. Sure I was a werewolf, but I am Jacob too. I needed to rest. If I was going to make it to Canada by late tonight, I have to rest.

I jogged my way to a motel, paint was peeling off the sides, and the T in MOTEL, was broken, so it read MOEL. Great, I'll be staying in someone's mole. This didn't matter much to me, as long as they have water and a bed, this is enough for me.

"One room, please?" I asked the guy behind the counter, as I pushed the creaking door open. His face brightened, and his eyes widened, seemed like he wasn't used to customers.

"Yes, yes, right this way." He said as I handed him 50$ hoping it was enough, and it seemed it was as his hands greedily took it from me.

He lead me towards a stair case, didn't look that safe but I followed him anyways. He eyed Bella carefully, but did not question. He probably didn't want to scare away his only customer. He unlocked a door with green paint chipped off, and shoved it open, revealing, one bed, one _small, _bed, a busted TV, a table, and three chairs, and hopefully a bathroom. I thank him quickly as he handed me the keys with a gracious smile.

"Anything you need, my boy?" He asked me, a think accent to his voice.

I smiled kindly, "Just water, thanks."

He left with a nod; I shut the door quickly, bolting both locks.

There was only one bed, probably not able to fit _both_ Bella and I. But I guess I'll just make do. I placed her gently on the bed, she began to squirm a little when my hands left her, and I smiled to myself. At least she wants me around. There was a knock on my door, which I opened quickly, my dry throat screaming at me.

"Here you are, lad." He said, handing me two water bottles, I reached into my pocket and pulled out a 5 dollar bill and handed it to him. But he just shook his hand, waving his hand in the air saying,

"Honeymoon, discount."

I chocked a little on the waterI was drinking, but didn't bother to answer. I thanked him a closed the door, dead bolting it again.

Honeymoon? I didn't look _that _old did I? And did he seriously I'd drag my new bride, my new _unconscious _bride to this piece of crap? I smiled to myself, it's alright though, I'd like my first honeymoon to be with Bella anyways.

I looked at Bella, her breath was heavy, but luckily no screams escaped from her, I don't exactly _what _that guy would be thinking we're _doing _up here, but I have a pretty lucky guess. I gently lay down, next to Bella, and placed her so that she was half on the bed and half on me. I didn't mind, it was easier to keep an eye on her this way.

My eye lids instantly began to droop; I have never felt so tired in my life. My muscles were aching, and everything seemed to numb. With a sigh, I let exhaustion wash over me, and soon I was unconscious, dreaming of Bella, and the times when we were simply Jake and Bells, not vampire and werewolf.

**Bella's POV.**

I want Edward.

Probably more than I wanted him before, I want him even more than death. _Save me, please, Edward. _I whispered, though I didn't feel my mouth moving, the pain seemed to devour over everything and only got stronger when I thought of Edward.

He never wanted his, he left me because I am worthless, hideous, nothing, but mostly I think, because I wasn't a vampire. He didn't want to change me that much was clear. But now, here I am, a soon to be, newborn vampire. What will he think of me now? He'll probably hate me, even more than he does now.

Still I begged for him, I wanted him to come back and be there when I open my eyes for the first time. I want him to be there for me when I get my first whip of human blood. I want him to be there for my first hunting trip, to teach me and show me that side of him, he was too afraid to show me when I was human. I want him here to love me. I want him here so I can spend the rest of my forever with him. So when I open my eyes I have a reason to live. So that I have a reason to smile, so I have a reason to laugh, so I just won't be this empty, lonely, vampire.

How can I go on living? I am immortal now? This life has no _value; _I wanted this because I had the chance to spend forever with Edward. And now I have forever, but no Edward. I didn't want his without him, but I loved his so much that I would have had him without this.

Right now, the only thing I want, more than death itself, is to have Edward whisper those three beautiful words. Even if it was lies…even if he doesn't mean it. I need to hear it. I don't want to live my humanity yet, not until I hear it, I want my last human moments to belong to him. I need it. I need it now.

Suddenly his scent hit me. Pain seemed to explode at the sudden smell. It smelled like Edward. I cannot really describe how he smells, only that it is my favourite smell in the whole world. This brought all the memories, and the pain racing back, choking me.

I gasped as the pain began to grow stronger, my heart almost exploding. _Edward. _He was here. I need to open my eyes. I need to see him.

"Bella?" A voice whispered, my heart jumped, he came back! "Bella, love?"

Bella…love.

Oh dear Lord. He said it, not the right words, but close enough. If my name, and love, is in the same sentence, dear Lord, that's enough for me.

I opened my eyes slowly, my vision was blurry.

I couldn't see anything solid. Everything was a mix of colors, yet so sharp, as if someone had put contacts in my eyes. Everything was blurry yet sharp at the same time, if I focus on one particular item, I think I can see it.

I saw Jacob face, so close to mine, leaning down to me with this worried expression. Then suddenly his face transformed into the face I would never allow myself to think of. The face that was seen in my dreams so many times, the face that held the best days of my life. The black hair formed into messy, bronze hair, the eyes turning into the topaz color.

Edward.

He had a small smile on his face, a sad smile. His eyes seemed to smother me, that if I could breath properly, I'd be gasping…maybe I was.

"E-Edward?" I whispered, his name once again burning my tongue, a stinging feeling. My heart overreacted as his name left my lips. I guess that's the effect of being so broken…

That the simple mutter of his name would send your heart flying. So that every single memory you have together turned into this horrible reminder of what you lost. So every song…remind you of him. So every distinct object can crumble you to pieces. So that everything you loved instantly turns to everything you hate, you hate because it reminds you of him. So that you're whole life turns into this bottomless black hole with no escape.

My breath escape from me and my eyes rolled to the back of my head as I fell back into this hole. The pain consuming over me as I fell.

**Jacob's POV.**

I woke up to Bella's piercing scream. Her back was arched in pain and her hands clawed at my shirt and the bed sheets. She groaned loudly, her breathing rigid, and her heart was flying.

I frantically looked at the clock, my eyes fuzzy from sleep.

No.

_NO! NO! NO! NO! _

I sat up quickly, pushing Bella aside, I slammed my fist into the wall, denting it slightly I yelled out in rage and clenched my fists, my nostrils flaring.

_HOW COULD I DO THIS?_

7:53PM is what the clock read.

I.

Just.

Slept.

Through.

The.

Third.

Day.

HOW COULD I? I am _SO _weak! I am stupid. _I am everything that is wrong in life! _I just slept through the final and last day of Bella's transformation. I missed my last chance with her.

I freaking _slept _through the last day we had together. I'm surprised her screams didn't wake me. I _hate _myself!

She screamed again, her heart beating faster now; tears did not stream down her face. She was too far past to cry. She would never cry again.

Shit, we're in a motel. _WE'RE IN A FREAKING MOTEL. _With _humans_! How could I do this to Bella? I put her right in a situation, a dangerous situation. The smell of blood was strong for her, that I knew.

I whipped my head around as a new smell hit my nose.

A sweet, _icy, _smell. My Bella…a vampire.

She screamed out again, whimpering, but I could not touch her. I can _never _hold her like I did before, ever again. I missed my last chance. I missed my last chance to hold her; I missed my last chance to kiss her. I missed everything.

Her heart was beating faster and faster, it was unnaturally fast now. Till suddenly…

It stopped all together.

Bella screamed out again, the windows slightly shook, and my hands clenched. Her breathing stopped too, then, slowly, she opened her eyes.

And I braced myself to die. That or…I braced myself to kill this vampire.

Her eyes were now red, red from the blood. It was scary, and now she was also _beautiful. _

She was beautiful before, perfect really. But this was a different type of beautiful, an unnaturally beauty, something that seems to perfect to be real. She sat up slowly, her beautiful brown locks of hair tumbling over her shoulders.

Her head instantly turned towards me, and her nose wrinkled in disgust. Her chest gradually began to move again, as she started to breathe again. Her eyes widened slightly when I stared into them, sending a mental warning.

"Jake?" She breathed, her voice sounding like Bells…it was not normal, and I already missed _her _voice.

"Yeah, Bells." I answered, forcing a smile.

She stood quickly, too quickly. She was too fast that it was a blur. First I saw her sitting, then next thing I knew she was standing a foot away from me.

"You smell weird." She told me, her nose still crinkled. A sad smile was on my lips as I answered,

"You smell weird too."

Her smile in return was beautiful.

"So, I guess…this is me…as a…vampire." She whispered, almost too soft.

"Y-Yeah, I guess it is."

"Are you…are you going to kill me now?" She asked me, her eyes understanding, yet sad.

I cleared my throat, "No."

She frowned in confusion, "Won't Sam be angry?"

"Yes, that's why we're not with Sam."

She nodded her head, and we fell into silence.

"So…are you going to?" I asked her, knowing what was coming. Know that she couldn't resist it this long.

"What?"

"Are you going to kill _me _now?" I asked her, my voice shaking lightly.

She seemed shocked and hurt by my answer. "NO!"

"Are you sure?" I asked her, totally confused, this made no sense!

"Why would I kill you?!" She exclaimed, almost hysterical.

"Because I'm a werewolf? Because you're a vampire? A _newborn _vampire?"

She seemed deep in thought when she answered, "I don't…I don't _feel _the thirst." She answered softly.

"I don't understand." I told her, this was impossible I should be _dead _right now.

"It's just…not calling to me. I mean, I know it's there…but it's just like…not a big deal right now."

"That shouldn't be…that's not normal." I told her.

"When was I ever normal?" She laughed softly, taking a small step towards me, her arms slightly open. "You stink _really _badly, Jake. But thanks."

I held my breath as she wrapped her arms around me, hugging me only for a quick second.

Then the pain came.

I gasped as I felt myself being drained, my _energy _being drained. Bella gasped too, but I felt as if a part of me when being stolen. It _burned. _My body quivered with pain and Bella seemed to be in some sort of other world. Her eyes were clouded and her mouth hung open.

When her arms left my body, I felt myself become weak, and my eyesight blackened.

The last thing I heard was Bella's tearless sobs, and I let this unknown blankness wash over me.

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**Taa daa !**

**That was the first chapter to my new series. I hope you guys liked it, and I know that the part where Bella wakes from her transformation doesn't seem realistic, but hey its fanfiction. Also just to clear it up, she woke because she smelt Edward, and Edward memory became stronger and pulled her out. Also **_**one **_**of Bella's powers is that she has amazing self control, that's why she didn't kill Jake, but there still one power yet to be discovered. Dun dun dun!**

**Please review, it makes me write faster! **ehe


	2. Chapter 2

**DID ANY OF YOU WATCH TWILIGHT? I saw it, and frankly I was disappointed! I think they changed it too much, I mean it has the same plot, just a different story. It would be good if it wasn't called Twilight, just make it some other vampire thriller, if you're going to call it Twilight, at least make it a little bit like the book. Please give me your opinion. Oh and enjoy the chapter!**

**Last Chapter (Ch.1)**

_When her arms left my body, I felt myself become weak, and my eyesight blackened._

_The last thing I heard was Bella's tearless sobs, and I let this unknown blankness wash over me._

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**Chapter 2.**

**Bella's POV.**

I hugged my arms around him, trying to ignore the agonizing smell. I stopped my breathing and hugged him close, relaxing myself.

I gasped when I felt a surge of power run through me, like a rushing river, it flowed out of me, through my fingers. Jacob gasped loudly, and tensed. His memories, his very _life, _flashed through my eyes. I saw him with his sisters, I saw him fighting with Sam, and I saw him when he was but a child.

There was a young girl with him too at the time, a saw four children playing in the sand at La Push Beach, the sun was high in the sky. I saw one of the children with long brown hair, and chocolate eyes, wearing a bathing suit with pink flowers and a tiny skirt. I saw two twin girls wearing identical outfits, wide grins on their faces. Then I saw one young boy, younger than the others, laughing loudly in the water, and then I realized what I was seeing.

A treasured memory.

"_No fair!" I screamed as salty water flew in my face, causing me to cough. Bella laughed and began to run away, her feet making splashes in the waves. I smiled as I began to chase after her, my sisters laughed as they, too, started to run._

_4 kids._

_Running in the water, under the sun. The sun barely comes out here at La Push; Dad thought it would be good to enjoy it while we can. Charlie, Dad's friend, brought his kid along, Bella. _

_Bella was beautiful._

_So that's how I ended up here with my sisters, and Bella. I only met her a few times before, and she was a few years older than me…I think. She was quite shy, but something about the sun brought something out of her. _

"_You can't catch me!" She screamed, laughing as she tripped and fell face first into the sand. I caught up with her and smiled down at her as she began to dust the sand of her bathing suit. _

"_I don't have too!" I yelled and jumped on top of her, causing her to fall over again into the sand. She laughed and playfully punched my shoulder._

"_I'm older!" She yelled and started to run again, on instinct I chased after her, like an automatic thing. Something that just felt natural about chasing Bella along the beach. _

"_Not by much!" I screamed catching up with her easily; she squealed and ran into the water, sending splashes my way. I tackled her and we went tumbling into the water with a splash. _

_I laughed as Bella spit water out of her mouth, glaring at me. _

"_Cheater!" She accused, her lips forming a small pout._

"_I did not!" I objected, smiling, "You're just too clumsy."_

"_I am _not!"

"_Yes you are."_

"_No I'm not."_

"_Yes you are."_

"_NO! I'."_

_I laughed at her outburst and she laughed with me. She flopped on her back so she was staring up at the sky, her form sinking into the wet sand; I fallowed her and lay down next to her. _

"_I love the sun." She whispered, shutting her eyes._

"_I do too." I whispered, watching her. I looked over and my sisters were looking at us with an amused expression._

"_Jacob and Bella sittin' in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-" Rachel began to see before Rebecca splashed water in her face, causing her to choke on her words._

"_I'm telling!" Rachel screamed and ran off towards Charlie and Dad who were watching us with an amused expression. Rebecca following after, a proud smile on her face. I turned back towards Bella who didn't move an inch._

"_I wish you'd visit more often." I told her, and she opened her eyes._

"_Most of the time its rainy here. I don't like that." She told me, her face sad._

"_But I like it when you're here." I protested._

"_Then _you _go to Phoenix. I hate Forks." She told me, shutting her eyes again._

_I smiled and playfully tickled her, she squealed and laughed, pushing me hands away before standing up. I stood so I was now face to face with her, though she was two years older than me, we were the same height. A mischievous smile on her face, she stuck her tongue out and ran again. _

_I laughed and chased after the girl with the beautiful brown her, not knowing that years from now, we would meet again on this same beach, and when that time comes, and our lives will both change._

I gasped as I was pulled out of the memory. My eyes widening.

I didn't even remember that.

I looked down and saw the Jacob was unconscious in my arms. And amazingly I was holding him up. I carefully pulled him over to the bed, and set him down. His lips were parted, and his eyes closed, his heart was still beating, so that was a good sign.

What the hell was that?

I calmed myself and sat on a chair, my breathing fast. _Think Bella. _I know vampires have powers, Edward can read minds, Alice can see the future, and Jasper can feel and control emotions. Now what the hell was this?

I shut my eyes again and tried to focus one that one memory again. I smiled as I saw the kids running, then I tripped, when suddenly my vision went blank. And I found myself starring at the motel's bedroom. I sighed and tried again. Only this time something else hit me. I cried out in both surprise and pain, as hurt started to creep up through me. I grasped my hand over my chest, to the place where my heart used to be. There was immense pain there, stabbing. I cried out again as it became stronger, I doubled over in my chair, one hand gripping the table so I wouldn't fall over.

I saw Jacob sat up slowly, his eyes squinting. I cried out again, almost falling out of the chair.

"Bella?" He whispered, squinting his eyes again.

"Jake," I managed to whisper, and then another blow hit me, this time in the gut.

"Bella!" He exclaimed standing quickly, then catching himself as I'm guessing, from dizziness. He managed to get to me quickly, yet painfully, as if parts of him were paralyzed.

"What's wrong?" He whispered, his hands gripping my shoulders.

"It _hurts!" _I gasped, my side aching.

"What does?"

Before I could answer him, I was pulled into another memory. Only there was a different vibe to this one, I did not sense that happiness, not like in his other memory. This one had horrifying pain.

A bad memory.

"_Bells?" I whispered shaking her. God, please, please wake up. "Bella! Please!"_

_I found Bella unconscious in the beach, I saw her jump. I saw her _drown. _The most horrible things I have ever seen in my whole life. I saw Bella, the Bella I love, just jump off a cliff, and drown, these things can't just be forgotten._ _I just hope I'm not too late, oh please, please be okay. _

"_Bella!" I cried, tears falling freely, I pounded her chest one more time, and she spat up water, but her eyes did not open._

"_Bella wake up! Wake up!" My cries were useless, it seemed. She couldn't hear me. I looked over my shoulder and Sam was running to me with an urgent expression. My sides felt like they were on fire, and my heart was pounding._

_She wasn't responding._

"_Bella! Breathe! Please!" I screamed, she had to wake up, she just had to._

"_Still no response?" Sam whispered, crouching next to me. "It's nearly been three minutes, Jacob. I think you should g-"_

"_No!" I yelled, causing him to flinch, I lowered my voice and whispered, "I can't."_

_My world seemed to slowly crumble around me as Bella's chest wasn't moving; my heart slowly began to break apart. She can't die, she _can't._ How could I be so stupid and even let her _think _about cliff diving. _

_Suddenly she began coughing, spitting water from her mouth, and my heart restarted. Oh thank Lord._

"_Bella." I breathed, shutting my eyes contently. "Don't you _ever _do that to me again!"_

_She opened her eyes, and attempted so smile, but coughed instead._

"_Sorry," She rasped, her hand to her chest. "My…ch…really…urts." She mumbled, what I'm guessing she was trying to say is 'my chest really hurts'._

"_I know Bells, sleep now. But you have to promise to wake up." I told her gently, slowly pulling her into my arms._

"_I…promise…thanks…Jake." She whispered, closing her eyes._

I shook my head as I was pulled out of the memory, Jacob still calling my name.

"I'm fine." I mumbled, and at inhuman speed I stood at the far side of the room, away from Jacob. Jacob tensed, and I heard his heart beat pick up. Slowly he stood, and stared at me from across the room, and then he sat down hesitantly on the edge of the bed.

I was afraid to have him touch me, or I touch him. I didn't like that pain. I didn't really feel like _pain, _it felt more like an illusion of pain, more like a duplicate. Like it's not the real thing, but still, it hurt.

"I'm…" How the hell do I explain this? "I'm sorry, Jake. Did…did I hurt you?"

He winced slightly, and dropping his eyes to the ground, I took that as a yes.

"No." He told me, and I fought the urge to laugh.

"Don't lie, Jake. I'm sorry though, I don't know what really…" I drifted off in thought, what really did happen?

"Bella, what _was _that?" He whispered, his voice shaking.

"I… I'm not sure…" I whispered, "But you know how…how Alice can see the future? And E-Edward can read minds?" He nodded, "I think I have a power, like they do. I'm just not quite sure what."

"Well, for all I know. Is that I feel like I just ran a lap around the world, and frankly I'd do anything to fall asleep right now."

I nodded, and gestured my hand towards the bed.

"But…not before I got some answers." I could tell her was having trouble keeping his eyes open, so I tried to go as quickly as possible.

"What are your questions?" I asked him, my voice above a whisper.

"Well…firstly we can try and figure this out, Bella." He told me. "I want to know what happened to _you._"

"I-I just…I saw…I saw your memories." I don't know if he heard me, but right now I couldn't bring myself to look at him.

"All of them?" He asked, he didn't seem to be bothered at all, my head snapped up.

"Only two so far. The one at the beach…La Push. When I was 9, and you were 7. I didn't know you remembered that." I answered him, trying to keep my voice straight.

He smiled to himself, "It's my favourite one of us. We were so young, so carefree. Back then there were no vampires, or werewolves, just Bella and Jacob."

"I didn't even remember that." I shook my head smiling, "I hated Forks."

He chuckled, "Oh, I know. The weather kept you away."

I smiled softly, and continued, "The second memory…was more painful than the first. I felt your pain. It was when…it was when I jumped off the cliff."

He nodded his face blank. "One of the worst moments of my life."

"So your best, and your worst. I wonder what that means." I whispered, nothing seemed to make sense anymore. I don't even understand how Jacob is even _alive _right now! At first, the thirst was the only thing I could think about, the smell of Jacob was horrible, but still, blood ran through him. I don't know how I am able to_ resist, _but really, right now it's not calling to me.

I mean, I know it's there, but it's not my main priority right now. It's just at the back of my mind, sitting there, waiting. I can feel it, I know it's there, but still…I can control it, I can balance it. I am also aware there is another human in this building, I can hear their faint heartbeat, and I can smell their blood. But again, it's not calling for me. I can hear the cars from the highway; I can hear the flying buzzing outside. I can hear a lot of things.

"Let's try something." Jacob suggested, standing up, taking a step closer to me.

"I don't want to hurt you." I whispered pathetically, he only laughed and held out his hand.

He shut his eyes briefly then said, "Touch me."

"I…"

"Bella."

"Fine," I sighed and carefully placed my hand in his.

Instantly that power ran through me, my eyes widening.

The same memory of the beach replayed in my head.

"That's strange." I told him, my mouth in a frown.

"What…is?" He gasped, flopping down on the bed.

"Oh, sorry." I apologized, as I realized I was draining the energy out of him.

"Oh no problem, this always happens, you know this energy draining thing. Nothing weird about that." He grumbled into the pillow and I giggled.

"Okay," He said, turning his head towards me, "What was I thinking 30 seconds ago?"

I closed my eyes and focused.

Nothing.

I shut my eyes harder, desperately trying to search for his thoughts. But I only found those two memories. A wonderful one. And a hideous one.

"I can't." I breathed, amazing.

Ha, so it seemed I can only see _two _memories, a treasured one, and a painful one.

Okay…rip off.

"Okay…" Jake said, sitting up again, I saw it took a lot of effort to sit up straight and walk over to me, but I know he won't sleep peacefully until he figures this out.

"Touch me again."

"Jake…" I warned, "I already touched you once! I'm going to draining every bit of life you have left!"

He rolled his eyes, "Bella, your power makes me _tired. _My life isn't fading what so ever. Now touch me. But this time, try to control it, don't use your powers. Focus."

I sighed, and calmed myself. _Focus, Bella. You can do this. _I reached out to him, and slowly placed my hand in his, embracing myself for impact.

But there was none.

Jacob smiled widely, and pulled me towards him for a hug.

"I knew you could do it." He whispered as his arms wrapped around me.

"Thanks, Jake." I whispered and went to sit on the ground in front of the bed. Everything felt so confusing; I wondered what would happen now, so I asked.

"Now what?" I asked him, looking up at him, my face expectant.

"What do you mean?" He asked, falling face first into the bed. I looked over and moved myself so I was kneeling at the front of the bed, staring at him.

"If you're not going to kill me, now what?" I asked him.

He did not answer, instead small snores came from him, and I smiled to myself and turned away, and faced the wall, allowing myself to think.

I wanted him to kill me.

I know that there are only few ways a vampire can die, Edward told me that, when he first brought me to his house. Where he first explain to me what he was, when he first loved me. He said that Carlisle first tried to kill himself, but he could not, fore he was a vampire. I know I cannot do that now. Jacob will have to kill me.

This forever thing does not excite me like it should. The thought of living forever usually would be a great opportunity to others. The chance to learn things they would never have the time for, to try things. But I wanted none of it without him.

The only reason I lived when I was human was, him. I lived because of him. I loved; I smiled, because of him. I laughed, because of him, because of him my eyes would shine with happiness. Because of him, my smiles would be true. And now, because of him, I am a suicidal vampire. When he left, it seemed like he took my life with him. That life held no meaning, now, _this _life, still holds none. If I couldn't live those years of my human life, how do you expect me to live for the rest of eternity?

If Jacob wouldn't do that job…which I know he won't. I'll have to find another alternative. There was something I remember…something he told me once. Something about the Volturi…

Maybe that could be my alternative.

Jake won't like to know that I'm planning my death, but really, I love him, but… one can only love so little when their heart is no longer beating.

I don't know what I'm going to do with myself; I just know I can't be here when he wakes up. I can't put him through anymore torture than I am already giving him. I am separating him from his family; I am separating him from his very life. I love him, truly I do, I love him as a _friend, _and nothing more. So, when you love your friend, you only want what's best for them right?

Besides, if I did stay with him, it meant he could never return back to the pack, and I know he'll never admit it, but I know he needs them in his life. His brothers, they are family, I, on the other hand, am not. Right now, I'm supposed to be dead. I'm not supposed to be alive, I'm not supposed to be able to walk, to talk, to see, but I still am, I am out of nature. I understand that now. I understand how Edward felt, how he didn't want to be a monster. I don't want to be a monster either.

I remember when I was human, I could never picture him as monster, I could never picture him anything other than the gentle, kind, and loving, man I was in love with. But now, put into his shoes. I can see these things we are; I can see the truth that lay behind all my beliefs. I can see and feel the monster inside of me.

I walked over to the washroom and looked at myself in the mirror. I was not surprised at what I saw. Edward was beautiful, Alice was beautiful; they all are. I was already waiting for this…to be beautiful.

My hair was richer, and falls down my shoulders, nicely. My lips are fuller, and my cheeks seemed somewhat sharper; I still looked like myself…only…beautiful.

I was a little taller I think, my curves were more noticeable, and I was just…well I was just downright gorgeous. My eyes…were a deep shade of red. _Red. _I wondered if Edward could take me now…considering the fact that I'm beautiful, that I'm a vampire…

No. No he wouldn't.

He doesn't love me anymore, and I just have to accept that I'm never going to see him again, and he's never going to love me. I'm unlovable.

So, I concluded, just because I don't look like a monster, doesn't mean I'm not one. I can fully understand why Edward hated himself so much. But…you would have thought…that loving me was enough. That my love overpowered that hate right? Wrong. My love meant nothing to him. All the times I said I loved him, all were just words spoken through my lips meaninglessly. All the times he held me, they meant nothing.

It's amazing how all those months we were together, the time when he saved me from James, are all pointless now. They don't mean anything. At least…not to him.

Some of my human memories aren't that clear, but every single one with him, is picture perfect. I remember every single detail, every little thing.

The way he would hold me, the way he would whisper my name, everything. Right down to the goodbye. I cringed as I remembered his words. His harsh eyes, his frightening tone. He said my human memories will fade, that I would soon forget about him.

Well guess what Edward?

Here I am, as a vampire, and I still hadn't forgotten you.

With a sigh, I walked back into the room to find Jacob awake. Well, there goes my escape.

"That was quick." I told him, and he shrugged.

"Yeah, it's like…I just don't feel tired anymore." He told me, his voice calm.

"The after effect wears off quickly then." He nodded, and stretched.

"So, Jake." I whispered, thinking quickly for an excuse, "I think you should get something to eat."

He raised his eyebrow, "I think you're the one who needs to eat."

I winced, "Maybe your right…" _think fast Bella, _"But, I think you should eat first."

"And why is that?"

"Well…you haven't eaten in a long time, I know that. And besides, when it's _my _turn to eat, I need someone who can control me, and…"

"You're trying run away aren't you?" He interrupted his voice cracking.

He knew me too well. Even as a vampire.

"I…" I sighed in defeat, "Yes. Yes I am."

He nodded slowly, his face in horrible pain, and I gulped.

"I'm sorry, Jake." I whispered and took a step towards the door.

"At least let me go with you into the woods, we don't want any humans to…get in your way." He suggested, and I could tell it hurt him to speak. I cannot even attempt to understand the pain he is in now. I nodded and allowed him to open the door and check outside.

He approached my slowly, then without hesitation and pulled me up into his arms bridal style and walked out the door. At first it wasn't so bad; I could faintly smell the blood.

"What about my eyes?" I whispered, but he just shrugged.

"There's nothing we can do about it."

Suddenly as Jacob was carrying me down the stairs, the office door flew open, and a man stepped out.

My eyes grew wide and I gripped Jacob shirt tightly, my nostrils flaring. Jake took one look at me, and instantly tightened his arms around me, restricting me, rather than carrying me.

My throat felt like it was on fire, it felt like I hadn't had a drink in days. I could smell the blood running through his vines, and I wanted it, I wanted it bad. A snarl worked its way up my throat, and I realized I was baring my teeth.

"Bella," Jacob warned, and I instantly clammed my mouth shut, biting on my tongue. Jacob jogged down the stairs, trying to get away from this man who was in an unfortunate situation. The man smiled at us, and Jacob returned in it kindly, I did not even attempt. I stopped my breathing, I wondered if the man would notice. But he did not, as soon as his eyes landed on me, they were instantly filled with lust, and I tried to ignore the urge to attack him. I imagined myself drinking the blood from his neck, how could it would taste…

"Very beautiful bride you have there." He said, smiling at me, I only glared back.

"Yes, she is." Jacob said over his shoulder, as he began to jog towards the woods, across the highway.

"Would you like me to call a cab!?" He yelled, but Jacob only shook his head and ran faster towards the trees, the smell fading.

I finally allowed myself to breathe as we were deep within the forest. My throat still burned, but not as much. Jacob watched me, as if I was a bomb, about to explode any second. Actually…maybe I was. I could faintly smell his blood, the humans, not Jacob's; I can't handle the thought of killing someone else…someone who has a family waiting for them. Suddenly everything came crashing down.

Charlie.

Sobs raked through my body and I fell to the ground before Jacob could realize what was happening. The pain in my throat did not distract me from this pain in my chest. The pain of loss. Charlie is gone, gone forever, and it's my entire fault. Sadness washed over me as I felt Jacob's arms around me, his words just a murmur in my ear. I was so foolish…to put Charlie in a situation like this. I hold just as much faults as the one who killed him. I am a horrible person. Suddenly my sadness was replaced with something new.

Anger.

This was _his _fault! He introduced me to this life, to this _horrible, horrible _life. Yes, he opened me up to a world I never thought exists, he opened me up to the truth. But then, as quickly as he opened it, he shut it in my face. He let me experience love, only to have it taken from me later. He exposed me to a life I thought I wanted, because I loved him. But now, with no one to love, I do not want any bit of it. And Charlie paid the price. Charlie died because of what I am. Or what I would have become.

Charlie died, because I met Edward.

Rage flowed through me, that I did not realize I was growling this was something that was not familiar to me. It felt too wrong…it felt too…vicious. I tried to lunged forward, but Jacob's arms caught me and pulled me to his chest.

"Bells, you can't." He whispered as I struggled in his arms, both he and I know that I am strong enough to escape his hold. And we both know that he'd never, ever, hurt me. Nothing could stop me.

"I _want _to." I growled, I could see the man across the road closer the door with a final glance at us. I could smell his blood, I wanted it. I need it.

"Bella," He said, his voice suddenly serious, aged. He turned me around so I was forced to stare into his eyes. "Let's just get you some deer, or something."

I calmed myself, and stood straight in his arms, no longer fighting against him.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, as the guilt and sadness threatened to overcome me. He smiled softly and patted my shoulder.

I realized then, that seeing me like this, was hurting Jacob than I could tell. I saw in his eyes that hint of pain and sadness, and I saw his smiles weren't as true. I was hurting him, yet again. I needed to do this alone, the pain of living is enough to bring me to my knees, and I did not want the pain of knowing I was hurting him too. I gave him a small sad smile for his benefit, and took a step into the thickness of the forest.

"Goodbye, Jake." I whispered, shutting my eyes, and prepared to run off but his arm caught me.

"Not yet, Bells." He whispered and wrapped his arms around me, I smelled the salt from his tears, and I hugged him back, tearless sobs escaped from my chest.

"I love you, Jake." I whispered against him, ignoring the scent.

"I love you more." He answered hugging my closer. "Please, please take care of yourself."

I nodded and took a step away from him; a pain in my chest was throbbing. "I guess this is goodbye for forever." I told him, my voice burning with pain.

He gave me a small sad smile, "Maybe not. Maybe one day our paths will cross again."

"Maybe," I smiled softly and kissed his cheek gently, with one last look, I took off.

Leaving a hurt, tired, lonely, Jacob behind me.

"I won't ever forget you, Bella." I heard him whisper, thinking I was out of earshot.

"I will never forget _you, _Jacob Black." I whispered back, though he could not hear me.

Sobs racked through me as I ran through the forest. My best friend, my sun, gone. He'll be happy thought, he will. Goodbye, my Jacob, my sun. Thank you.

Sun.

I stopped in the middle of my running, and looked around, then I found it. Sunlight. I walked towards it slowly, and paused before I was under it. Hesitantly I reached forward, and placed my hand under the light.

It sparkled the way I thought it would. Like Edward's, a million tiny diamonds. So beautiful, I turned my hand around in the sunlight, not exactly feeling the heat. Then I took a step forward so I was completely under the sun. I sighed and leaned my head back, shutting my eyes.

This was the new me. Get used to it, Bella. Sometimes when life throws something at us, we have no choice but to catch it.

I thought to myself for a while. Mostly missing Charlie. Charlie died because of Edward, not I'm about to die, yet again, because of Edward. I can't let him have the contentment. I can't let him just _rule _my life like this. If he doesn't want me, then why am I doing this? Why am I so fixed on this worthless guy who doesn't give a crap if I'm dead?

_Because you love him._

My heart told me, well you know what? I don't have a heart anymore, why should I listen. He doesn't want me, well fine, his loss. I hope he finds a vampire to screw with, then one day fall into a fire and burn to death. I will not do this to myself.

With a new determination I stepped out of the sunlight and into the new world. My life lay before me, and I am going to take it willingly, I will prove him wrong. I will prove myself wrong! I began to run into my new life, leaving the old Bella watching behind me.

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**Well, there you have it. Bella's power is to see your memories, kind of like Aro's only different. She can only see **_**two **_**of your memories, your best and your worst. I hope that doesn't seem too weird. OH WELL! Please review, seriously, if you want me to continue, tell me. OH and if you love the Host by Stephenie Meyer, check out my other story, A Twist In Fate. **


	3. Chapter 3

**56 years later. (Really, what else did you guys expect?)**

**Bella's POV.**

I sat in my car, still the same red truck, only…modified, if that's what you call it. What can I say? I like fast cars. Same truck, different power. I raced along the streets, all the familiar streets of Forks, all of them bringing memories, memories I was use to. I welcome them now, they make me what I am today, and I will accept them. I will accept him.

It's my first time coming back to Forks, it seemed too hard before this, that I wasn't strong enough, but I think I am now. I hunt animals, like the Cullens, I only killed about…well I killed people, and trust me, it was horrible. Knowing that I just took someone's life, which someone will be mourning over them, not a good feeling.

I am a killer. And I know it. I am not going to deny what I am, and I'm not going to feed myself lies to make me feel better, because I know I'm a monster. I came to a stop in front of my old home, staring at it closely, remembering all the memories I had there, some of them were fuzzy, but mostly it was fine. I wonder if anyone lives here, but I did not smell any blood, nor did I hear a heartbeat.

I stepped out of the car slowly, approaching the house in silence, I traced my hand along the wall as I passed, allowing myself to absorb it all. I reached the door, which of course, was locked. I twisted the handle with slight power and it instantly crumbled in my hand, and I gently pushed the door open.

The house was empty, no furniture, nothing. It looked odd to me, yet so much the same. So many memories engraved into these very walls. I walked into the kitchen and froze.

On the counter we're four long scratch marks, Jacob's, I think. Then along the fridge, smidges of dried blood, Charlie's. Then on the floor, more dried blood, mine. The memory flooded through me, and I shivered, the pain, I remember the pain. I remember Jacob; I wonder how he is, if he's okay, if he found a girl. No matter, I am not going to disturb him; my appearance would only bring complications in his life. He did not need that; he has healthy life without me. I am nothing more than a burden.

I sighed and slowly traced my hand along the counter, remembering when I had lived here; it's amazing how time can fly so quickly, even for the immortal. Life does not seem to be enough, even if you have forever; life is nothing if you have nothing to live for. But I refuse to believe I have no meaning, that my life is pointless, because it's not. It's my life, I live because I can.

I'm over Edward. I guess I can say that, well I'm not _over _him, after all, how could I forget the one who was in all my memories? The one who had exposed me to the life I live in, the one I shared my first love with. I wasn't over him, but I am better. I refuse to mourn of loss over him, and I refuse to make my life less just because he is no longer him. I push him and all his memories to the very back of my mind, still there, but just lost along the ride. It's there, I can feel it, I can feel the love, but right now, it does not mean anything.

I smiled as I made my way into the living room remembering how Charlie always watched TV. How I would cook dinner as he watched TV, I tried to remember but I only come up with a few.

I made my way up the stairs, the floor creaking under me, I stopped in front of my bedroom door, my hand upon it, I urged myself to push it open, but something seemed to stop me. Some invisible force is telling me no, something is stopping me from pushing the door open. Something was off, there's something wrong.

I have this gut feeling, you know that feeling you get when you know something isn't right. Our instinct, I believe. We can tell when something isn't right, everyone can. But what could possibly be wrong here?

My hand began to shake, as I heard a sigh from the other side of the door. My breathing instantly stopped, and I stood frozen with my hand pressed against the door. I heard feet moving, someone was there, apparently doesn't have a heartbeat. Vampire.

_Victoria _my mind told me, the scent was familiar, but Victoria was dead.

_Laurent. _My mind told me, but I could tell it was not, there was something about the smell…

_Edward! _My dead heart sang, and I instantly dropped my hand. My eyes widened as I realized it was that same luscious smell from all those years ago. The floor creaked from under him as he moved around and I heard sobs erupting. But it was not mine. He was crying, heartbreaking, desperate sobs.

My name was muttered a few times and I slowly took a step back, hoping he would not hear me. I felt my insides turn to mush, and I wanted to sob along with him.

_He doesn't want me anymore. _I reminded myself, be rational. Yet why is he here? Maybe he felt bad, maybe the guilt finally got to him. I felt the pain start to creep up my throat but I stubbornly fought against it, not now, now is not the time.

"Bella," He whispered, thinking he was alone. "I love you."

My world came crashing down, along with my strength. Sometimes when you are isolated from the one thing you love, and suddenly you get the slightest feeling of it again, you can't help but to cry out in joy. When you miss something so much, when it returns, nothing else matters. My knees became weak and I fell to the floor, a cry of pain escape from my lips, my insides ached with longing. The longing of his arms around me, his lips against mine, his words in my ear. Everything I so stubbornly tried to ignore, to push away, came crashing down.

"Edward," I choked out, his name burning my lips. Sobs now raked through me, though a tear was never shed. I heard him get up and I felt him shaking.

"Bella?" He breathed, I heard him walk towards the door, his hand on the handle, slowly twisting…

Then my logical sense kicked in, and it only said one thing.

_Run._

**Edward's POV [3]**

"Edward," Jasper moaned, "Seriously, you're killing me."

"Sorry," I muttered, but the pain was not something I could control.

"At least _try." _He hissed at me, and Alice calmly placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Let's try something. This calming thing I learned from one of Rose's magazines." Emmett perked up, leaning forward on the sofa. Rosalie was sitting next to him, flipping through a fashion magazine, her face bored. "Everyone close their eyes." He instructed, yet only Alice shut her eyes, then Jasper after getting a glare from her.

"Edward." Alice hissed her eyes still shut. "We're doing this for you."

I sighed and saw Emmett poke Rosalie in the stomach, and she glared at him. She sighed and shut her eyes as well.

"_Just do it, Edward." She thought._

I closed my eyes on Emmett's pleading face, and was instantly found by my beautiful Bella. I felt myself lose my breath, and the pain began to grow.

"Edward!" Jasper yelled, but was cut off.

"Okay, okay." Emmett rushed, "Let's start. Find a comfortable position, loosen all your nerves. I want you to relax yourself, think jello. You are jello."

"Are you calling me fat!?" Rosalie hissed, and I peeked through one eye and saw Rosalie stand up and leave.

"No! I wasn't, I swear! Please, Rose?" He gave her his legendary pout, and she sat down with a sigh. "Okay, let's try again."

"Repeat after me 'I am calm. I am happy. I am calm. I am happy.'"

Everyone began to chant, except me and Rose, of course. "Emmett this is _not _what it said in my magazine!"

"OH hush!" He told her, "This is the Emmett version."

"I believe what is said is to think positive, not to act like some possessed freaks!" She yelled, her temper flaring.

"Oh, come on, Rose. Just cooperate." He muttered, wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

"Can I leave, _please?" _She begged, starring up at him with sad eyes. He paused for a moment, thinking to himself.

"If she gets to leave, I do too!" I stated, crossing my arms.

"No one is leaving!" Alice hissed, her eyes opening for a moment to glare at us, and then she shut them again.

Rosalie grumbled and closed her eyes again, as did I.

"Block out all your senses, and ignore the things you hear, just focus on my voice. Nothing else matters." He cleared his throat and began to rotate his shoulders. "You feel as if you're flouting in water, smooth, clear, water. The waves calmly around you, soothing, rel-"

"Oh, look. There's a duck." Rosalie exclaimed, faking excitement, and pointed to the corner, she got up and quickly ran to her bedroom, muttering "This is stupid, you all look like idiots."

"Oh come on, Rose! Be a sport!" Emmett yelled after her. But only got the reply of a door slam. He sighed and pondered for a moment, wondering if he should chase after her, but he didn't.

"Fine, forget her." He grumbled and shut his eyes again, as did I. "Okay, lake, water, and so on. Now I want you to picture your favourite place on earth. Anywhere. A place where you felt true happiness, where you are yourself. Picture yourself there, and remember the smells, the feeling."

Alice was picturing a mall; I saw her thinking of all the stores, of her dashing from one store to another.

Jasper was in his library, sitting at an old oak desk, a large book sitting in his lap.

Emmett was in the forest, stalking a grizzly.

I was with Bella.

I pictured myself with my Bella; I remembered her tempting scent, her beautiful presence. The way she would look at me, and see me as Edward, not as the monster that lay underneath. The way she would smile at me, the way she would whisper my name in love. Everything about her brought love into my heart. Then following soon after, is the pain. It hurts so badly to think of her, to remember what I gave up too willingly.

How can I be so cruel? I am torturing myself by leaving her, but it's for the better. So many years have passed, and I still can't get over her. Thought I have tried, so many times, I have tried things that were so stupid, something I would never do. Bella was my life, my very foundation of living, without her, I crumble to the ground. She was the one that would hold me up, now I have no one, I guess that made me, delusional, as Alice would say. Either way, the past is the past, and I refuse to dwell on my stupidity.

"Oh, God!" Jasper exclaimed and I opened my eyes to find him running out the door, Alice glared at me and followed after him.

"_Try, Edward. Stop thinking about her." _

Try. Right, I can try. Emmett looked at me, and we shared an understanding glance. We all miss Bella; this has affected my family more than they'll admit. Alice, of course took it the hardest, she constantly tortured me with her thoughts, but that has stopped years ago. They all seemed to somewhat accept my decision, thought I could still hear their sorrowful thoughts. Throughout our vampire years since we have left Bella, we have been traveling. Town to town, school to school, home to home. Everywhere we would go, the tiniest thing would remind us of Bella, filling us with sadness. The simple trip of a typical human, the simple blush, every intimate memory we shared with her turned into a horrible memory of what we lost.

I still smile, I still laugh, but it is not I, it is as if someone has replaced me with this machine that responds reactively. My smiles never reach their truest peaks, my laugh never joyful enough, but that's the Edward everyone is use to. As we left Bella, we left small parts of us with her, our joy. Esme missed Bella as her daughter, and Alice and Emmett as their sister, Rosalie was Rosalie, though I knew she also felt something towards Bella, and Jasper, well if he wasn't being tortured by my pain, then he missed her too.

Jasper and Alice haven't been living with us the whole time, and I am the one to blame. They had to leave because my pain was too much to bear, but they came back now, hoping I got over it. But of course I haven't, I cannot just _get over it, _Bella is the love of my life, and as many times as I can think otherwise, her love will forever be there, in my dead heart.

Emmett sighed and went to go find Rosalie, and I turned myself towards the window, staring outside blankly. She's probably out there right now, gray haired, wrinkled face, but still so beautiful, still Bella. She probably had children, maybe even grandchildren now; she married a guy who loves her, a guy who was able to take my place in her life. Someone who could hold her when she cried, and laughed with her when she was happy, someone to help her get through her life, someone who can love her. Someone who can offer her so many things in life I am incapable of giving, as many times as I long for her, I know this is better for her. I love her too much.

I bet she's happy. I bet right now she's with the one she loves, smiling; I am probably just another memory to her now, a memory of the first boy who broke her innocent heart. Maybe she'll think it crazy, the vampire side to the story, she could have forgotten all about this cruel thing I have call life. Maybe she lived her life without the vampire trauma, that's good, I hope that's what happened.

It's weird how one can love someone so much, yet can be so happy at the thought of them with another, don't get me wrong I am happy for her, but I still cannot help but wish I am the one to kiss her goodnight, that I am the one to hold her hand, to wipe her tears away, be the one she loves. Love and pain walk on a thin line, it can hurt so much, like a million shards thrown into your heart, like your very air supply is cut off, yet it can be so wonderful, because if you love them enough, when you know their happy, so are you.

It's strange how one does so many stupid things at the loss of love, that once that beautiful vision is ripped away from you, you lose all sense of reality. It's like a head rush, you're pulled out of it so quickly you can't tell up for down, maybe that's what laid behind me decision a few years ago. It was stupid, I was so stupid to think that _anyone _could even attempt to…

I promised myself not to think of it, and I will not.

I stood from where I sat on the coach and made my way towards my bedroom, my feet dragging the whole way. I shut the door behind me quickly and turned up my music, and I fall forward face first on my bed, allowing the music to dwell through me.

Clair De Lune.

Of course, this song reminded me of Bella that is why I play it so much. Sometimes when you are deprived from love, we hold on to the smallest things. Quite pathetic actually. Either way, I closed myself and let down my walls and allowed the music to possess me, the sweet memories of Bella pouring into me.

I remember when she would lay on my chest as I would sneak into her room every night, her breathing so steadily, and her heart pounding so beautiful. The way she would sleep with a smile on her lips, and the way her fingers would tighten around my shirt if I tried to leave.

"I love you, Bella." I whispered, actually expecting an answer.

I got none; I'd never hear Bella whispering those words to me ever again. Her heart belongs to someone else now, it is no longer mind to hold. Pain washed over me, and I heard a distant cry of pain.

"_Edward!" Alice hissed at me in her thoughts. "Stop it, now."_

I sat up quickly, and ran to where they were seated. Jasper's fists we're clenched and Alice was whispering to him calmly.

"I'm sorry." I apologized quickly. "I can leave, so you can…"

"Edward," Alice snapped at me, "You're not going to leave, _again._ And neither are we, I am tired of separating this family!"

_If one member of our family shall forever remain missing, I am not going to lose the ones I have, Edward. Understand that, you will not leave us, again." She practically shouted through her thoughts._

"I do not want to stay if I am hurting those around me." I whispered softly.

"Edward." Jasper said his voice hoarse. "You're hurting yourself too."

"He's right," Alice whispered, great now their teaming up on me. "Maybe you should go to…"

"No!" I yelled, realizing we're her thoughts were heading. "Do you seriously think that would hel…"

"Just listen to what I have to say." She interrupted, and I saw with the look in her eyes she knew I was going to give in. Stupid physic pixie. "If you just go there, see if she's okay, maybe it'll reassure you, you did the right thing. You just need a nudge, that's all."

"And you think that's the nudge I need? Do you honestly believe that _seeing her_ will make this _pain _go away? If I see her, I won't be able to leave."

"Yes you can, you just need to realize she's _happy._" Alice told me, her high voice shining with confidence.

"And if she's not?" I protested, "What if she's miserable. Then I can do nothing! It will only make it worst!"

"She won't be miserable." She whispered her voice sad. "Think of it, Edward. It's been 56 years. 56 year without my sister! She was a part of this family, Edward, and you know it!" Her voice high with anger, this conversation obviously taking a different course.

"I know she was…that's why I left before it could go any further." I whispered, dropping my eyes.

She screamed inn frustration, throwing her hand in the air. "Edward, I don't know _how many times _we've had this conversation. But Bella loved you! And you loved Bella. You left her Edward; you left her with false beliefs."

"I know it was stupid. I know I'm an idiot, please Alice, this is not the way."

"OH I'm not finished!" she exclaimed, "You left her Edward, alone. Then you go on and mess around with…"

"_STOP!" _ I hissed at her, my anger flaring. Horrible memories choking me. "Do NOT bring that up!"

"Why!" She yelled, taking a step forward. "It was _your _mistake, _your _love affair. Yet _we _are the ones suffering!"

"I'm _sorry._ I thought you were trying to make me feel better!"

She dropped her voice to a whisper and spoke calmly, "Just make sure she's happy, once you see she is, you'll be fine. You left because you wanted her to have a happy life; you just need to see that."

I stared at her coldly, but she only smiled back. Damn, she was so sure. Why fight fate right?

"Okay, Alice." I mumbled, turning to leave, a satisfied grin on her face.

"When shall we leave?" She asked, her voice filled with excitement, I didn't bother to answer her, knowing it is a rhetorical question.

"Esme!" She called, running at inhuman speed into the kitchen, Jasper following wearily behind her.

I turned and made my way towards the piano, placing my hands on the keys, and I began to play the song that is stitched into my heart, the song I had written all those years ago. Bella's Lullaby. Soft and sweet just like her; I closed my eyes as my fingers danced along the keys. The song filling me up with hope.

I am going to see my Bella again, my beautiful Bella. Maybe this is a good idea; maybe the sight of Bella's happiness will give me the motivation I need, after all, that is what I wanted right? For my Bella to be happy, all I have to do is reassure myself that.

And so, as my song ended, I ran up to my bedroom and began to pack for a meeting with my Bella again.

**The Next Day.**

I drove along the familiar streets of Forks, remembering my times with Bella. My insides filled with regret and pain as I stared out the window, Jasper twitching slightly. I drove the house we lived in many years ago, the home I had brought Bella in. I stopped in front of the house and opened my door, Rosalie's car tailing behind mine. Alice and Jasper hopped out of my car, and grabbed their bags. Alice sprinted towards the door, excitement written all over her face. She wrenched the door open and dust flew out in her face, and her outfit.

"No!" She screamed, beginning to brush herself off, "I worked so hard on this outfit!"

I chuckled as I ran past her, she glared at me viciously, and I only laughed harder. I opened the door to my bedroom, and quickly got out of the way as the dust flew out, missing me by inches. I threw my bag on the dusty bed, and more dust flew out from under the weight. I ran back down to find Emmett and Rosalie piling their stuff in, Rosalie was not happy, and she was not trying to hide it. Emmett, on the other hand, was beaming.

I need to see my Bella, as human's need the air. I longed for her presence and I suddenly grew anxious, twitching as I waited. Jasper, sensing my impatience, whispered to Alice, that we should get going. She nodded and smiled at me.

"Let's go Edward." She said, smiling. Let's go see Bella.

She danced towards my silver Volvo, with Jasper following, then Emmett, and of course, Rosalie remained stubbornly at the door.

"Coming, Rose?" Emmett asked, but only got a glare from her as she folded her arms; he shivered but still continued towards my car.

"_He's going to pay for this later." She thought to herself._

I sighed and started the car, pulling out of the driveway. I drove a little faster than my usual. Bella, Bella, Bella, that's all I could think of. My breathing was heavy, and I twitched every now and then.

"Where do you think we should check first?" Emmett asked, as he too was bouncing from excitement.

"Her house of course." I told him.

"I doubt she'll be there." Alice spoke from the backseat, "She's probably living somewhere else, but she's still in Forks."

"Okay…" I mumbled, "Where to then?"

"Let's ask around." She answered, and rested her head on Jasper shoulder.

My thoughts wandered away from me as I drove along Forks. Bella with a husband? Who? I better not be the vile Mike Newton, she could do so much better. The thoughts stabbed a sharp pain through me, but I instantly pushed it away for both Jasper's, and my own benefit. Kids…I wonder who they'll resemble more, the mother or father. Grandchildren, pets? So many questions yet to be answered. The life she is living, the thoughts she thinking, so many things I am missing out on, but I know that she's happy, she has to be. I stopped at a restaurant; they have to know her here. We all hopped out of the car and walked coolly, or tried to walk coolly to the door, and pulled it open.

Everyone's conversation instantly stopped at our entrance, all their heads whipped towards us, and their eyes wide, obviously dazzled by our beauty. I ignored them, and their thoughts, and turned to a waiter, who thankfully was a guy in his early 20's.

"Excuse me," I tapped his shoulder, and he turned around, his face surprised, "Would you happen to know where Bella Swan lives?"

His face faltered for a minute, but smiled quickly.

"I'm sorry but I haven't heard of a Bella Swan." He told me politely.

"Maybe by another last name perhaps?" I urged, almost desperate. I was begging him to smack his head and go 'oh _that_ Bella Swan'. But I go no such reaction.

"I'm sorry but as far as I've heard, there's no Bella around here." He told me, he spoke slowly, but I could hear his heartbeat race.

"Could I speak to someone else, please?" I asked him, taking a step forward, and he reactively took a step back, "It's quite urgent."

"S-Sure." He stuttered and went off into the kitchen. I turned around and sighed, the face of my family meeting my gaze. They held nothing but pity in their eyes, I was pathetic.

"_Calm down, Edward. We'll find her soon enough." Jasper thought._

"_She's here, Edward. I can feel it." Alice thought._

I pinched the bridge of my nose and turned back towards the server who I heard was coming back, with someone with him. He looked old, gray haired, plump, and wrinkly eyed.

"This here is Mr. Newton; he's been in Forks since high school. He'll probably know who you're talking about." The waiter told us and went back to his work.

Newton, Mike Newton.

"_Whoa, Mike totally let himself go." Alice thought to herself, her eyes growing wide._

"_Shit, Mike? He's all fat, and ugly, and fat..." Emmett thought to himself._

I coughed, hiding my laugh. I cleared my throat and reached out to shake his hand, which he took quite eagerly.

"Have you visited Forks before?" He asked, narrowing his eyes slightly, "You look familiar."

"No, this is our first time here," Alice spoke up, "We were looking for Bella, Bella Swan."

He rubbed his chin, thinking to himself. "There's no Bella Swan, around here."

Panic started to creep up my throat, but Jasper countered it with a wave of calm, and I sighed gratefully.

"Are you sure?" I begged, "She was the daughter of Charlie Swan, he was a-"

"Charlie, eh?" He interrupted, "He died a very long time ago."

I expected that, but what I need right now, is my Bella. "Yes, I understand that, but his daughter-"

"Died with him." He interrupted again.

I froze; my whole world seemed to be put on pause, the words stuck in my throat.

"S-She _died?" _Alice gasped, taking a step forward, her hands in tiny fists.

"Yes, quite tragically really. Her father died trying to save her." He told us, his eyes filled with misery.

"I went to school with her you know," Mike told us, "Lovely girl, and quite a pity."

"That's impossible!" Alice screeched, Mike's eyes widening. "She has to be alive! _I saw it!" _

Mike took a step back, raising his hands, as if in defeat.

My insides seemed to ache a thousand times worst, Bella, dead. Jasper winced slightly and put a hand on Alice's trembling shoulder.

"How old was she?" He asked him calmly, sending a wave of peace across the room.

"Eighteen."

"_What!" _Emmett yelled and pushed the door open with such extreme force it almost fell off its hinges, and he ran out the restaurant without a glance back.

Alice, who was hyperventilating trailed after him. After screaming in anger. Jasper and I stood there, starring after them, Jasper looked towards me expecting me to storm out next, but I did not.

"I-I'm sorry," I apologized quickly to Mike who stood there shocked. "She was a very good friend of ours, and her death is new to our ears."

He nodded slowly, _"If their good friends, why did he find out now? 56 years later?"_

I winced lightly at his thoughts, but spoke in a calm matter. "Could you tell us how it happened?"

Mike cleared his through and gestured to one of the tables, "Why don't we sit down?"

Jasper and I took one last glace over our shoulders at Alice and Emmett, who were both furiously throwing a tantrum outside, arguing with each other. I am amazed that I am not out there with them. We followed Mike to a table and we sat.

"Can I get you anything?" He asked us, but we shook our heads. He sighed and folded his hands on the table, starring us both in the eye. "It was around March, I believe, my memory isn't that good, but I remember it clearly. Being an old geezer and all. There was an animal attack, scratch marks all along the kitchen, blood everywhere. We found Charlie's body, but Bella's was gone. We figured that the animals had gotten to it. I was the one who called the police," He fiddled with his fingers, looking down at the table.

"I came over to Bella's, oh I remember the day so clearly, and she was depressed, because her boyfriend broke up with her a few months before, Edward Cullen." His eyes flashed to my face, and I froze. "You look a lot like him you know."

I cleared my throat, "Ah, yes. Edward…was my father. But he died a very long time ago."

"I didn't catch your name lad?" He asked me, Jasper sat quietly behind me. Wincing every so often when my pain became stronger.

"I am Edward…Jr. This is my friend Jazz." I told him, Jasper glared at me, when I spoke his name.

"_Jazz?" He hissed through his thoughts. "I don't even like Jazz! Let alone have it as my name!_

I ignored him, and smiled kindly at Mike. Despite the pain, curiosity over powered it. But I know it's waiting there for me, waiting until I show weakness, then it'll devour over me triumphantly.

He nodded, and continued but still eyed my suspiciously. "Anyways, she was like a living zombie, you know? When you stared into her eyes, you'd see nothing. Like it's empty. She wasn't eating either, I was worried about her." He chuckled quietly to himself, "You see, I was absolutely in love with her."

I fought down the vicious growl that was working its way up my throat.

"I walked to her house, I was tired of her acting that way, and it wasn't healthy. I knocked at the door, but no one answered, it was open, so I walked in. I found Charlie dead in the kitchen, blood all over the floor; the counter…but the thing is Charlie was barely damaged; all he had was these _teeth marks, _on his _neck_. His body was bloodless, but the blood test showed that the blood in the kitchen was mostly Bella's. It freaked the hell out of me."

My hands tighten around the chair, the edge crumbling into my hand. I stopped my breathing, my eyes growing deathly. Jasper began to panic and grabbed my shoulder; a growl erupted from my throat.

"Ah!" Jasper exclaimed and gripped the table, shutting his eyes tightly, as my pain got stronger.

"We must be going." He managed to gasp, and he ran at human speed to the door.

I stood stiffly, pain and anger all mixed in one. Mike stared up at me, his expression afraid; I wonder how terrifying I must look.

"Thanks." I choked out, "You've helped a lot."

"No problem." He mumbled, I turned and walked slowly towards the door, breathing deeply, trying to calm myself. "And son!" He called after me.

I turned towards him slowly, concentrating on my breathing. "You're father made a mistake back then. A real big one. Don't make the same one, lad."

I nodded and my eyes tightened as I walked out of the restaurant leaving a very suspicious Mike Newton behind me. Once outside I was met by Alice, Emmett, and Jasper. All their eyes burning with anger and pain.

"She's _dead!"_ Alice screeched, throwing her hands in the air. "She's freaking gone!"

"It was a vampire." Jasper whispered, wrapping his arms around her as she sobbed.

"Victoria." Emmett hissed, clenching his fists.

"Why?" Alice moaned, gripping Jasper's shirt. "Why would she do this?!"

"I-I'm not sure, Alice." I whispered, climbing into the car numbly, Emmett climbed into the seat next to me, as Jasper and Alice climbed into the back. Emmett and I shared a glance of longing, Emmett wanted Rose there, and I know that. I want Bella here. But that's not possible anymore.

I sobs racked through me as I gripped the steering wheel tightly, my hand prints dented in. My mistake, my mistake, my mistake. _My _mistake. That's all that rang through my head. Alice looked up at me, and she slowly reached out and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"I'm so sorry, Edward." She whispered quietly.

"It's my entire fault." I stuttered, my sobs growing louder.

"No," She whispered, "It's not your fault. It's fate, Edward. It's just what happens."

"I left her!" I yelled, "I left _exposed _to Victoria. I left her there to die!"

With that I threw my door open, and ran out into the roads.

"Edward!" Alice yelled after me, but Jasper stopped her.

"Leave him be." He whispered, and she stared up at him, and then once again broke down sobbing. Jasper wrapped his arms around her, as Emmett began to drive towards our house, his mind only set on Rosalie.

They have someone.

They have someone to love them, to be there for them. Who do I have? I had her, I had Bella. I had someone I could spend my life with, or a portion of it. I had someone who could make me laugh, make me smile. Someone who made me happy. And I gave it all away. I gave it all away too easily, too willingly. And now because of me she's dead.

I ran not knowing exactly where I was heading, I ran faster than I ever did before, I was a blur to all the humans who caught a glimpse of me. Everything around me meant nothing, nothing mattered. I did not see the expression of those around me, I did not hear their heart beats, and I did not even smell their blood. I ran, and I ran.

Next thing I knew, I was standing in the bedroom of a lost love.

I stood in Bella's room, breathing heard. It didn't smell much like her, only the faint smell of lavender hung in the air, and something else…something different, yet so much the same. Her room was empty, except for a desk, and on the desk laid an open book. _Wuthering Heights. _She loved that book, she read over and over. I opened the book to the page that she was reading all those years ago. And ironically it was the part where Cathy had died. Where Heathcliff was mourning over his lover's lost life.

"_I pray one prayer--I repeat it till my tongue stiffens--Catherine Earnshaw, may you not rest as long as I am living; you said I killed you--haunt me, then! The murdered DO haunt their murderers, I believe. I know that ghosts HAVE wandered on earth. Be with me always--take any form--drive me mad! Only DO not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you! Oh, God! It is unutterable! I CANNOT live without my life! I CANNOT live without my soul!'"_

He loved her so much that he would take her even in the presence of death. She is his life, and he'd do whatever to grasp onto the little of what is left of her. I killed Bella. I am the murderer in this twisted story; I am the Heathcliff in reality. For I am the murderer of my love, I exposed her to the wrong, to the dangerous part of life. I did kill Bella, her death will forever lie on my shoulders, and I take full responsibility in her death.

I left because I wanted to give her the chance of life, to give her a normal, healthy life. Now she has no life at all. I wonder what would have happened if I never came along, she'd be much happier I suppose. She wouldn't be dead, that's for sure. My poor, innocent, Bella. Gone.

I came here to see she was happy, to make sure she was alright, and yet I find that she is dead, and has been dead for a long time. How can I live now? Death becomes more and more appealing to me, the meaning of life slowly fading away.

Sobs escaped from within me now, Bella's name falling from my lips. The pain, it seemed to control my whole world, nothing, I heard nothing, felt nothing.

"Bella," I mumbled again, "I love you."

_I love you. _She'd never hear those words again, and I will never be able to speak those words again and mean it, because Bella is the only one I can love. I heard a gasp come from the other side of the door, and my head snapped up quickly. I heard someone fall to the ground, sobbing, these, agonizing sobs. I stood slowly, as someone cried out in pain, more sobs following afterwards.

"_Edward!_"An angelic voice cried out. So beautiful, so pure, if I were human, I'd surely cry. The voice sounded so familiar, my name falling from her lips. Bella. My Bella.

"Bella?" I breathed, taking a step forward, my hand wrapping around the handle, my hands shaking.

I pulled the door open.

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**There you go, cliffy ain't it? Did he find her? Did she run away again? Will they ever meet? ALL THESE QUESTIONS YET TO BE ANSWERED. Maybe if you're kind enough to review I'll be willing to share one with you. REVIEW. Did you love it? Hate it? Constructive criticism? Review, if not I shall personally take you're Edward (in this story) and make him gay. This is a threat ;)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Last Chapter…**

"_Bella?" I breathed, taking a step forward, my hand wrapping around the handle, my hands shaking. _

_I pulled the door open._

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**Edward's POV.**

_Please, please, please. _I begged, please let it be here. Please.

I opened my eyes to find…

Nothing.

No Bella, none at all. I heard her so clearly, my name so beautiful once spoken from her lips. I could not have imagined the whole thing; this is not something that my mind would create. I picked up a faint scent, familiar yet totally different.

_Be logical, Edward. _I told myself. Bella is dead. This is just some crazy trick you're playing on yourself. The pain now erupted, like shaking a bottle of pop, it exploded through me, causing me to fall to the ground with a cry of pain.

So close, so, so close. Bella, Bella, Bella. How could you die? Why did you deserve to die? Sobbed raked through me again, as that smell still lingered in the air, I clung to it, as if it is my only hope, and I think it is. I need her; I need to hear that voice again. I had heard it before, I heard it, I really did. Whether it was my mind playing tricks to torture me, or whether it was someone else. I heard it.

I ran down the stairs, desperately trying to find the scent. I found it; it is slowly starting to fade as the wind began to blow. I followed the scent, running and twisting through the forest. My mind only set on the creature that made this scent. Call it crazy, but I just have to follow it. Something is screaming at me, pushing me forward.

I hope it is not a human, if it is, well, I cannot say that I am on the best of behaviour right now. Anger, fury, pain, hatred, all those hideous emotions burning through me. _Faster, faster. _I told myself, and I sped up, the smell becoming stronger now.

Then I heard I was not the only one running through these trees. I heard the faint pattering of feet, running, running fast. I heard gaps and cries, as if a creature was in immense pain. I ran faster, trying to find the source, suddenly a figure came to view.

A vampire.

A vampire is running, running faster than I could ever attempt. I could only see the silhouette. Only the dark shadow against the background of green trees. I cannot tell whether it is female or male, blond or brunette. Nothing. All I know is that something is there, and it's running, running real fast.

"Wait!" I called after the mysterious figure, but it did not slow. "I mean no harm!"

The figure, just as quickly as it came into view, disappeared along the trees. The smell was gone now, nothing left of its trail. I slowed to a jog, and came to halt. I have gone a long way from Bella's house; I could no longer see it in the distance. My eyes clouded over as I faintly heard one last cry, the cry of pain.

**Bella's POV.**

_Run, run faster. He's getting closer. _I yelled at myself. I heard Edward's footsteps echoing behind me, closer and closer. A sob escaped from my mouth as I pushed myself harder, using every last bit of strength I have left.

How ironic this is world is. First, I long for Edward. I want Edward, I need Edward. Now here I am, running _away _from Edward. Why? Why does the pain so greedily devour over me? Am I not supposed to feel the purest of joys once my love has returned? Isn't it supposed to feel like that? Like a piece of you has finally returned, I feel no such thing. I feel as if every piece of me is being ripped out and fed to the fire. I feel as if though I am being divided into half, one part of me, the angry part, telling me to turn back. That this is _Edward. _The Edward. But then there's another part of me, urging me forward, pushing me away from him. Telling me that he only brings pain.

"Wait!" He called his voice so painfully beautiful, that if I had a heart, it would have exploded to pieces. The same voice that constantly haunts me, taunting me, reminding me of what was taken from me. "I mean no harm!"

Oh, but he does mean harm. He just doesn't know it yet, he does not know the pains he is unleashing upon me. The wall he knocked down that allows the hurt to devour over me with no regret. Harm, so far beyond the standards that is expected. I ran faster, my strength slowly fading, but I held onto it, using every last bit until he was a good distance away.

I ran into the road, leaving Edward behind me. I stood there, franticly trying to decide where I should go, when suddenly a truck honked its horn, the driver's eyes wide. I stepped out of the road quickly, before I accidently cause a car crash.

I want my truck, but I can't go back until he's gone. I can never come back now. I need to get out of here, _now. _I waved a taxi that was passing, and it stopped eagerly in front of me. The window rolled down and revealed a man in this late 20's. His heartbeat picked up as his eyes raked up and down my body, satisfied.

"Where to, babe?" He asked, as I shut the door behind me.

"Anywhere but here." I muttered, and pulled my seatbelt over my shoulder. He veered onto the road, with quite a bit too much power.

"Sure, thing." He said, smiling at me. I winced and turned my face towards the window, watching the roads flu past me. His breath smelled of alcohol, I just realize it now. An empty bottle of beer lay in his lap, and another in the cup holding, and another under my seat, and another…

Oh shit.

"You can let me down here." I said quickly, my hand on the handle, ready to make a run for it. He did not slow down; he only winked at me through the rear-view mirror and continued to speed along the streets, much too fast to be legal…for a human.

"I said," I repeated, my voice full of authority, "You can put me down here!"

He looked at me through the mirror, his drunk, dazed eyes meeting my frantic ones. "I don't think so, little miss." He slurred, "You said anywhere but here, and I'm taking you to-"

"Stop!" I whispered urgently, as I saw we were approaching a red light, but he was not trying to stop.

"Look, little miss-"

"I said _stop!" _I faintly heard the cars starting to cross the street, surely to be met by ours. This would be something I cannot walk away from, I have to die, yet I can't. I started to panic and unbuckled my seat-belt, I was about to pull more door open, but it is too late.

"STOP!" I yelled again as he ran the red light, missing a silver car by inches. He stomped on the brakes and we skid to a stop the corner. I took this as my escape. I threw open the door and slapped it behind me with such force it almost shattered.

"ASSHOLE!" I screamed, and fingered him, he stared at me wide eyed, and I began to stomp away, when a musical voice called to me.

"Bella?!" Alice, called, running towards me. Her eyes filled with tears I knew would not shed. The sight of her drove a knife through me, filling me with the pain I have grown use to, but still has the victory of hurting me.

"Oh, Bella!" She hugged her arms around me, sobbing into my chest. Oh, it felt so right. I miss being hugged, I haven't had one in the longest time, and I really needed that. Her touch made all my beautiful, yet painful memories flow back into me.

"Alice." I whispered into her hair, a tiny smile on my lips.

"Oh, I knew it! I just knew it! I saw this coming!" She exclaimed, hugging me tighter.

I laughed softly, "Don't you always?"

She beamed up at me and took a step back, but refused to let go of my hand.

"_BELLA!" _A childish, high pitched scream came from behind me. I twirled around to find myself locked in Emmett's chokehold of a hug.

"Hey Emmett," I mumbled, and from over his shoulder I saw Jasper step out of the car. Why didn't I see that before? Silver car…Edward's car. Edward.

I pulled away from Emmett, and took a step back, my stance deadly. A snarl working its way up my throat, as I eyed the car suspiciously.

"He's not here." Jasper spoke, reading my mind, and standing next to Alice, taking her shaking hand.

"Where is he then?" I demanded, my anger flaring.

When a car horn sounded, we all flinched, and they returned to their car grumbling, but Alice remained at my side. We walked over to the sidewalk and waited for Emmett to pull up into the nearby parking lot. Alice eyed me warily, my youth obviously bothering her.

"Come on," She told me, taking my hand and walking me over to the silver Volvo, opening the door and sliding in, pulling me along with her.

I shut the door behind me, and stared at the faces of my former family, trying to enjoy it while I can. I will have to leave after this, I cannot ever come back.

"Bella," Jasper spoke, "It wasn't an animal attack that 'killed' you." He stated, his eyes flickering to Alice, who flinched.

"No," I whispered, "Victoria."

A growl came from Emmett, but Jasper sent a wave of peace towards him.

"So you…" Alice murmured,

"Have been moving from place to place. This is my first time back." I told them.

"W-Why?" Alice whimpered, staring at the ground.

"Because I didn't want to stay here. It holds all these painful…"

"No," She interrupted, "Why did Victoria come?"

"Oh," I whispered pitifully. I breathed in deeply and looked her in the eye, "Mate for Mate."

Her eyes instantly turned back and her expression deadly, just as everyone else's did. Her fists were clenched beside her, and her nostrils flaring.

I chuckled to myself, "I guess she didn't realize Edward didn't want me," How easily I am able to talk about this, how easily I am able to hold back the pain…for now. "She taunted me, told me she knew where you were. She said that she'd kill me, and then send a piece of me to you, one by one, until Edward came. Then she'd kill him."

"H-How did you escape?"

"Jacob saved me, and the pack. They sort of…killed her, I guess." I told them, staring at my hands, which were folding neatly in my lap.

"Werewolves." Jasper breathed in amazement. I only nodded slowly, allowing them to process the information.

"So you've been alone this whole time?" Alice asked again, and I only nodded. "What about your food? Have you ever…"

"I killed a few people." I told them, not able to look at any of them. "I am a killer."

She placed her hand gently on mine, "No, you are a vampire."

I looked up at her now, and her eyes only told me she was speaking the truth. Suddenly her eyes clouded over, and I knew she was having a vision. A shiver involuntarily raked through me, and I shut my eyes.

"Edward is coming." She told me, taking my hand again, "He'll be so glad to see you."

"NO!" I roared and jerked away from her, baring my teeth. Her eyes widened at me outburst, yet was still filled with understanding.

"You should talk to him, Bella." She told me gently, "I'm sure he'd like to talk with you."

"Maybe I don't want to talk to him!" I yelled, my voice shaking the car. "Maybe I'm _tired _of being used!"

With that, I threw my door open and ran out, leaving their hurt faces behind me.

"Bella!" Emmett called, "Wait!"

_No, _I thought and ran faster, not at inhuman speed, but fast enough. They did not dare to come after me.

"_Bella!" _Alice screamed, getting out of the car, "Please!"

"Leave. Me. _Alone!" _I screamed and ran, yet again into the forest. It seems like the forest if my home, since I always seem to come back to it. I sat against a fallen tree, and let the sobs take over me. I cried into my hands, for God knows how long. But the pain slowly started to ebb.

I looked and slowly pushed myself to my feet. I sighed and tried to shake my head clear of the events of today. The house, Edward, Alice…the Cullens. Amazing how my life can come crashing down in a single moment's notice. All my strength, all my power, all collapses at the sight of him.

Edward.

I just saw Edward. The reality of the moment hit me like a thousand pounds thrown upon me. The love of my life Edward remains so close to me, he's _here. _I mean, I knew _one day _I'd probably meet up with him, in the next thousand years or so, but it's so soon, I barely had time to prepare myself. I also expect him to be in pain, or guilt for my presence, of course he was probably hoping I am dead, yet as Alice tells him I'm alive, it will only cause him problems. I am no longer a love to him, just a burden. So I'll leave, for both my own benefit, and his. It will cause us both pain, only mine much stronger than his, because I am staring at the one thing in life I want yet I can't have. And he, he will be staring at the girl who was suppose to be out of his life forever, never to bothering him again, that's why he left, and yet to his horror, he find me alive. What a disappointment for him. You know, me being alive and all.

I do not have much clothes with me, I can always buy more, though I don't have any money…but I can find a job in some other town, I can find a house, in time. My pockets are empty, I have nothing, and I use to think I had my strength, but now I don't even have that. I can't go back for my truck, I just can't. I'll find a new one, maybe I'll steal one, I don't know. I just need to get out of this town before it's too late to leave, before the emotions get to both me and him.

But how? Simply run the whole way? I am _not _going to call a cab again, that was too close for pleasure. Yes, I'll run, that's the only way. Just stick the forest, and I'm fine right? And so, I start to run, the wind blowing against my face, my body moving in rhythm, it's truly powerful, this running. It feels as if though you are free, free of limitations, of expectations.

Sometimes when the world, or someone has so much expectations for you, for example, I myself, expect myself to be strong, that when you cannot fulfill those expectations, you must live knowing you caused them great disappointment. There is a difference between expectations and _expectancy. _Expectancy, it holds no standards for you, it is not telling you to be anything more than you are. Expectations is more of a demand, certain things you must live up to, by expectancy just means someone is out there, _expecting _something from you, but it does not hold a boundary. If you ask me, expectations versus expectancy, I have to say I like expectancy better. You are free to do what you feel, but still with the knowledge that someone is still looking up to you, expecting something from you, even if it's the smallest thing, it keeps you moving forward, rather than backwards.

And so, I continued to run, when suddenly a thought caught up with me. Something I would have never considered before, but at the moment it seems appealing. Before I go…I need to visit the one place that held my true happiness, so maybe for a short time I can live in that memory, then I'll go and face reality. So I started to run to the one place that held my best memories, the meadow.

**Edward's POV.**

I sat on the couch alone, the faces of my family staring at me in expectancy; they were waiting for me to break down. They all waited for the pain to catch up with me, and instantly control over my life. But I did not, and will not. I mean why would I? Bella is dead, my innocent Bella is dead. I have no reason to live anymore, I already have broken down, and I am just remaining that way. I am already went through the process of breaking down, I heard Bella voice, that soft sweet illusion, I'm already going insane, right now, I'm simply in the after-math. Something was odd though, Alice was reciting the dictionary…in German, Emmett, was singing the ABC's in his head, and then he moved on to Mary Had A Little Lamb. Jasper on the other hand, thought nothing, it was simply…blank. Rosalie, being her, was wondering what shade of pink her next manicure would be. Carlisle was worried about me, along with Esme of course. They were hiding something, I lived with them long enough to tell when their hiding something from me. How gullible do I look?

"Just tell me," I told them, not bothering to look any of them in the eyes. Alice opened her mouth to object but I cut her off. "I can tell you're hiding something, might as well tell me. It can't get worse than this."

"_Oh, you have no idea, Edward" Jasper thought for the first time._

"Please," I whispered, my voice filled with sadness. "I might as well know."

"Well…" Alice mumbled, "I don't think it's our choice whether we can tell you or not."

I looked at Carlisle, wondering what he was keeping from me. He simply stared back at me, telling me it was not his choice. It was not him.

"Then whose choice is it?" I asked, my curiosity growing.

"Not ours. That's all I can say." Alice said, and with that she stood up, and I did too.

"Please, I am a part of this family too. I think I should know." I told her, Esme's eyes saddening.

"I am sorry, Edward." Alice said her voice cracking. "But right now, it is not my secret to tell."

Jasper stood too, and followed Alice upstairs. Emmett sat there uncomfortably, playing with his hands, still singing songs in his head.

"Emmett," I urged, and he looked up hesitantly. He met my eyes, and swallowed slowly.

"Edward." Emmett warned, "You know I'm not good with secrets." He mumbled nervously.

"Then tell me, and it won't have to be this burden lying on your shoulders forever." I told him gently, and Rosalie snorted and shook her head.

"Well…uhh…we…" Emmett mumbled, gulping. His breathing was fast, and he sent Rose a pleading look, but she only smirked. He laughed nervously, and cleared his throat.

"JASPER YOU IDIOT!" I heard Alice yelling from upstairs, "We left Emmett alone with him!"

Alice came flying down the stairs, and stopped in front of me. "Don't even try it, Edward."

"He's not alone." Jasper said as he stopped next to Alice. "Rosalie is here."

"Like she's any good." Alice mumbled, rolling her eyes.

Rosalie cleared her throat and waved her hands at them, "Hello! Vampire with feelings over here_." _Rosalie hissed, and went back to inspecting her nails.

"Come on, Emmett. Let's go hunting." Alice said, taking Jasper's hand.

"Why can't I know?" I yelled, almost too childishly. "I think I have the rights."

Alice looked me in the eye, "_You _may have the rights to hear it, but I do not have the rights to speak it. Therefore, it will never be spoken."

"Emmett?" I asked, begging him.

He shifted his weight from side to side, staring at the ground. "I think he should know."

Alice hissed, "Well it's not _your _choice now is it?"

"It's not your choice either." He grumbled, looking down at her. "I think we should let her decide."

"Her who?" I asked, nothing made sense. "Esme?"

Alice sent Emmett such a deadly look, it caused him to flinch.

"Emmett, stop it, _now._" She told him, her eyes piercing. He nodded, mutely, and sauntered up the stairs.

"If this is concerning my family, _our _family, and seeming how I am a part of this family. I think I should know." I persisted, fighting my anger down.

"Edward, as much as I would love to tell you. I cannot, and will not." She told me, looking up at me.

"It is not like it could make this situation any worst!" I yelled, taking a step forward. "If you are trying to save me from the pain, Alice. Be assured it has already come."

She flinched slightly, "Edward." She said gently, "We are all hurting. But what I know, will only cause conflict, and that's the last that she- we- would want."

"Alice!" I groaned, pinching the bridge of my nose, "My Bella is _gone. _Dead. No pain can compare to what I am already dealing with! Please! The suspense is horrible!"

"Edward, I said _no!" _She yelled, her hands in fists. Jasper looked irritated and sat down on the coach next to Rosalie, who paid no attention to us.

"I thought there are no secrets in this family!" I yelled throwing my hands into the air. "Last time I checked I was a part of this family. But I guess you all think otherwise."

"No, no, no. Edward, we are all a family that much we know. You are my brother, but as your sister, I must have my secrets."

"Alice!" I yelled but was cut off.

"Oh, will you both just _shut up!" _Rosalie yelled standing up. She turned towards Alice, "Alice, I don't even _understand _why you are keeping this from him! It does not concern you! Nor any of us! It is all that bitch, it's all her fault. _She _is the one choosing to run away, _she _is the one who does not want to tell him. _Not you!_ Just let it go!"

Alice opened her mouth, but shut it again, her eyes filled with sadness. Rosalie placed her hand on her shoulder, and spoke in a gentle tone.

"It is her problem, not ours. She did not give us direct directions not to tell him.

"But she ran." Alice whispered softly, so soft I barely caught it. Who ran? What problem! Oh this is all so annoying! I pinched the bridge of my nose again and sighed.

"Edward." Rosalie said, glaring at me. "I know I will be hated after this, but truly, I couldn't care less." I nodded, urging her to continue. She stared at the floor momentarily, then held my gaze once again.

"Bella is a vampire, Edward." She told me, her voice ringing with truth.

My world seemed to cloud over, and my body instantly tensed. First, Bella is dead. Now, Bella is a vampire. It's almost the same as if she _was dead._ I feel as if I should be sad, but yet, I can't be. Bella is still _alive. _Maybe not in the way I wanted, but still, she walks to this very day.

"H-How can you be sure?" I asked, my voice cracking. I shut my eyes as I waited for their response.

"We…we sort of, saw her on the road, she talked to us for a while." Alice spoke, her voice afraid. As if I was a firecracker, just waiting to explode.

"And, w-where is she now?" The most important questions, where is my Bella?

"She…" Alice faded off, and sent a pleading glance at Jasper, who now stood next to her. He patted her and spoke for her.

"She ran away." He stated simply.

I body went rigid, why had she chosen to run? Run away from me? Of course, I am the cause. I am always the one to blame. My Bella is out there somewhere alone, rather than here with me.

"Where did she go? Can you see her?" I asked Alice, my hope slightly fading.

"I can still have visions of Bella, just not well. It's blurry. That's why I wanted to c-come here, I had a vision that we'd see her, but I didn't know we'd see her as a…as a vampire."

"So where is she now?" I asked, please, please, please.

"I don't know." She whispered, and began to sob into Jasper's chest. "I can't find her!"

I resisted the urge to sob as well, and sat down on the coach, burying my head in my hands.

"I knew you'd be angry!" Alice wailed, "I knew it!"

I sighed, "I am not angry, Alice. Just…shocked that's all." Shocked is an understatement.

Jasper raised his eyebrow at me, as if to say 'lair'. Which I am, I am hurting more than I'll admit.

"I just need to think." I told them, mostly speaking to Jasper, who nodded and wrapped his arms around Alice. I walked to the front door, trying to hold down the pain that threatened to overpower me. I pulled it open, and shut it slowly. I breathed deeply, stared at the road in front of me, then. I began to run.

I ran to the place I had found all those years ago. The place where I brought Bella, and exposed myself to her. A place where I am free, a place where Bella loved me. She's here, somewhere in Forks. She's _alive. _I cannot express how happy I am, yet the pain still comes. Why is that? How I can be so happy, yet hurt so badly at the same time. I guess it's because the reason I left is for Bella to choose the healthy life, the other life besides a vampire one. Yet here we are, fate brought us together yet again, only with quite a twist.

Never again will I see her blush, hear her heartbeat in my ear. Never will I get to hear her talk in her sleep, her words of love. I can never be there to wipe her tears when she cries. But all those things I am willing to look past, just so I can be with her again. Just to hold her is enough. I need Bella, and I need her now.

I ran towards the meadow, when I faintly heard sobs. Sobs of pain, and cries of fury. Someone is in the meadow. Then it hit me

_The smell._

The smell is back, I smell it so clearly now. Then I knew who it was.

Bella's killer.

This here, in my very meadow, sits the person who took the chance of life away from my innocent Bella. Victoria, I told myself. I never realized it till now, how foolish I am! Victoria went after Bella, and she has the nerve to _come here? _That is why her blood smells so much like Bella's, because Bella's blood probably runs through her vein maybe that is why. I ran faster, my anger flaring. A vicious growl escaped from my throat. And I lunged at the figure without a second thought.

I pushed the figure over face first, and she instantly began to struggle against my grip, and a wave of brown hair flashed across my vision. Brown? As I recall, Victoria has a redish color to her hair. That does not matter, the vampire who now lies under my grasp killed my Bella, and I don't care who did it.

I snapped at the vampire's neck, which made her scream in surprise, a high pitch, tinkling, scream. The vampire rolled around, onto its back, and I was caught off guard. My snarl instantly quieted, and my rage bubbled down. The pain started back up, along with happiness.

There, in my arms. Was my Bella, starring up at me with pained eyes.

My hands were holding her arms tightly, and I loosened my grip, my eyes burned into hers. My breathing stopped, and I began to sob joyously.

"Oh, Bella." I cried, and buried my head in her chest, my arms wrapping around her as I continued to cry, not like I had before, now I did it in love. She tensed as I hugged her close to me. I sat up slowly, bringing her with me, and settled her on my lap, she stared at me, wide eyed, and pained.

Suddenly she flung herself at me, her lips attacking my own, not that I mind. She kissed me with such passion that it would have broken her jaw if she were human. And I kissed her back with just as much force, because I no longer have to be gentle with her. Her breath was my own, and my breath, hers. Our lips moved as one, before she pulled away, all too quickly.

She leaned back away from me, her eyes filled with pain. Her body was stiff, and tensed, her breathing also had stopped, and her jaw clenched. She stared at me, and I stared at her, I don't know for how long. But her eyes searched mine, hunting for something. I hesitantly stroked her cheek gently, her skin so warm under my touch. Not like before, but still, warm. My insides were screaming in joy, and I smiled at her widely.

"Bella." I breathed, shutting my eyes. When I opened them, she had not moved, still tense. "Bella, say something please." I begged, desperately wanting to her hear beautiful voice again. She stared at me, her eyes a beautiful shade of topaz. Though, I longed to see her deep brown eyes, I settled for this, because she is beautiful, both then and now.

Suddenly, as much time as it took me to blink, she stood a few feet away from me, hands in fists, her nostrils flaring. She was across the meadow in an instant, leaving me there on the ground.

I stood up quickly, and reached my hand out to her, begging.

"Bella," I whispered, "Bella, I'm sorry if I'm late, but I am so glad I found you."

Her face fell, and it seemed as if though something clicked inside her head, yet like always I am unable to find what she is thinking.

"Your…glad?" She whispered, her voice filling me up. Like a drug, filling me up, I am intoxicated on her voice.

"Of course." I told her, taking a step towards her. "Come here, I'll take you back home."

"I don't have a home." She told me, her eyes telling me that she hasn't had one in a very long time. I felt the pain pointing its finger at me.

"Yes you do." I told her, taking one more step. "You always have a home with me."

She shook her head and repeated, "I do not have a home."

"Bella, please. We will work this out later, just come with me, please." I begged her, my eyes filled with love, but she seems to think otherwise.

Her face twisted in pain, and a sob escaped from her throat, but she fought it down. How strong she is, I admire her for that.

She breathed in deeply, "No."

No.

No. No. No. No. The word seemed to echo in my head before I fully understood.

"Why Bella?" I asked, taking another step before her, so I now stood directing in front of her.

"It's because you feel guilty isn't it?" She asked, her voice filled with ancient sadness. "I disappoint you don't I? You wish I were dead, so I'd never have to bother you again. That's why you left, you probably want me to come back with you so you can kill me." She stared at me as her face was filled with pain.

"But that's okay, Edward." She whispered, "I can leave. I don't need to complicate your life anymore. I'm sorry for intruding. I had no right to come here. Just…just tell Alice that… that I'm sorry. I guess I'll just…leave now." She turned and began to run off into the trees.

I stood there for a moment, her words catching up with me. Oh, Bella. She did not understand at all, how I am feeling. But whose fault is that? It is my own, I filled her up with this false belief that has been eating her up. I ran after her, catching up to her easily, I grabbed her shoulder and pulled her towards me.

She stumbled forward, her hands falling on my chest. She looked up at me slowly, her eyes afraid. As if I am the hunter, and she was the prey, I felt her body shaking in expectation.

"I guess…" She whispered, her voice shaking. "I-If you really want to kill me. You can do that now. Just please…make it quick, that is all I ask."

I opened my mouth to object but she cut me off. "I'm sorry, Edward. That I didn't…that I didn't die. I wanted to, if that helps. But…she came, Edward. She came for me, but…before she could finish the job, Jake saved me. I didn't want to die…at the time. But, I wanted to afterwards. I'm sorry that I disappoint you. I'm sorry, I would have never have come if I knew you were here. I'm sorry, it's just that I thought. I thought maybe you wouldn't be here, and that I could stay where I use to live.

"That for once in my life I could have a bed to rest in. B-But I guess I was wrong. I'm sorry, Edward. _Please, _I'm sorry! I don't want to burden you anymore, please, just let me go. I'll leave, I promise! I-I didn't mean to go to the meadow, I know you found it and all, and it is yours, it's just, I wanted to be there, before I left. I wanted to take a memory with me. I never considered you'd be there. And…and I didn't mean to kiss you…really. I just…I wasn't thinking, and I've just missed you so…I'm sorry, you probably don't want to hear it." She was ranting now, her voice shaking along with her body. As she spoke my pain deepened.

"Bella," I whispered, turning her head upwards, to meet my gaze. "I…"

"Edward, _please!_" She cried out, sobs escaping from her lips. "I'm sorry! Just let me go, _please. _I won't even come back! You can stay here! _You _can stay in Forks! I promise I won't ever come back! Please! I'm _sorry, _Edward. The kiss, it meant nothing! Please, just please, let me go."

As if on command my arms let go of her, though my dead heart screamed in protest.

"B-Bella," I whimpered, "Listen…"

"No," She whispered, "It is alright, Edward. It was foolish of me to consider at the moment, when I kissed you that you felt the same way. You obviously made the clear all those years ago, it was stupid of me to think that time would have changed your mind. I'm sorry, you probably have someone waiting for you at home. Someone who loves you, someone who loves you the way I can't. I'm sorry I'm keeping you from that. Please, let's just pretend this never happened." She shook her head, "I didn't mean it, Edward. Just go back to your life."

"Bella, no!" I protested, taking her face in my hands, and she shut her eyes in pain. "I love _you._"

She smiled softly, her eyes still closed. "I love you too, Edward." She whispered, and I felt my insides soar. Those words, spoken from the lips of an angel, words I never thought I would hear. I slowly bent my face down to hers, out lips barely touching. I heard her swallow before reaching on her toes, and I gently kissed her.

She smiled sadly as I pulled away, my hand against her cheek.

"Thank you." She whispered, and stroked my cheek. "I needed that."

Then she was gone.

My hand held nothing, the leaves around my feet fluttered from her exit.

"Bella!" I yelled, running after her. But she was fast, really fast. She was the mysterious figure who I had chased earlier today, it's impossible to catch her. I stopped dead in my tracts, and fell to the ground sobbing.

How can she believe such lies? That I wanted her _dead. _That she's some pain in my life, but really, she's the joy. She _is _my life. The way she kissed me…it meant nothing. She said it meant nothing. And our meadow, it does not belong to me! It belongs to _her. _Does she not realize that I have given it to her! All those years ago! How can she believe that there's someone else? That I would…

How could she believe that I wanted to kill her! How in the world could that ever occur to her. Then it hit me, the answer was flung into my face. It is because she believes I don't love her anymore.

But I told her, I told her I love her, and yet she still thought it false?

I pulled myself off the ground, my thoughts whirling around Bella. And then, I ran back home. Without my Bella in my arms.

**Bella's POV. (Just wanted to give you a glimpse of why she did, what she did)**

I thought he was going to kill me, I mean, if I were him. I would kill me too. He wanted me to come home with him, so I could die. But…I don't want to die. As many times when I thought I was suicidal, I am not. I want to live, I want to learn. I still love Edward, that part is obvious, but if he does not want me, then why shall I stay? I thought it was a good idea to come to the meadow, then he was there, he attacked me, then I kissed him. How stupid I am! How could I kiss him when he doesn't feel the same? I _know _that!

Still, I kissed him, I let myself go weak, and let my love for him overcome all the sense. I threw myself at him, but he seemed to kiss me back with just as much love. The guilt, that's what it was. He was always a noble person, he probably felt bad for what he was about to do.

I wonder who's waiting for him back home. I wonder what lucky vampire took my place, filled the gap that I just didn't seem to fit in to. I'm happy for him I guess. That he found the missing piece to the puzzle, I guess I'll just forever remain that piece that doesn't fit into anything, a misfit.

So I ran away from him, hearing him yell out my name, but I fought the urge to turn back.

He kissed me, he told me he loved me, all lies. Lies that I know vampires can make, I know that we can lie easily. I just thought maybe that it would be harder to lie to me well because…you know. But I guess I was wrong, yet again. It took every inch of energy I had to run away from Edward. But I do this because I know he is better off without me, after all, he doesn't want me. I love him too much to put that through him.

The pain- the winning emotion- caught up with me and I fell to the ground crying. My hands sunk into the ground and I sobbed desperately. Slowly I traced my hand along the dark, spelling out the one thing that my heart needs to survive.

_Edward._

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**Well, I don't know about you, but that totally depressed me. Gah! That hurt so much to write it! But hey, it's a part of the story. Love it? Hate it? Tell me why! Oh, and if you like the Host, just out my other story. Review please! **

**Book Recommended: The Sword of Truth Series by Terry Goodkind, the first book is called "The Wizards First Rule." It is AMAZING. I swear, it's so beautifully written, there are about eight books in the series, but totally worth it. It's sort of Science Fiction, but that's how I like them!**

**Review!!!!**

**OH I remembered something. To all you smarty pants out there! Try to find that **_**one **_**key thing in each of my chapters. Something that has to do with Edward, I am not revealing anything, but if you notice it. Then, congrats to you, you have a good eye.**


	5. Chapter 5

**So, I heard New Moon was being filmed in Canada.... OH GOSH I HOPE SO ! I also heard the they may not cast Taylor again, which is heartbreaking! Anyone know anything?**

**Last Chapter…**

_The pain- the winning emotion- caught up with me and I fell to the ground crying. My hands sunk into the ground and I sobbed desperately. Slowly I traced my hand along the dark, spelling out the one thing that my heart needs to survive._

_Edward. _

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**Edward's POV.**

"She just…left?" Emmett asked, burying his head in his hands. "Just like that?"

"Just like that." I repeated my voice soft. I am…_so stupid!_ I _let _her go! I had the chance to hold her in my arms, to kiss her, to loves my dear Bella again. And I let it all go, all too easily.

"But _why!_" He groaned, and stood from where he was seated, and stalked into the kitchen.

"I don't understand how she could think such a thing." Esme whispered shutting her eyes briefly.

"I can," I mumbled brokenly. "I left her; of course she would assume such a thing. I was so stupid, trying to convince myself it was for the better, but now, she's gone, probably half way to France by now."

"No." Alice said her voice strong. "She's still here. Edward she's…" She drifted off and never finished but, but I saw the answer in her mind.

_Bella was standing above a cliff, starring down at the waves crashing under her, this cliff was higher than most. From afar, you could not even see Bella. The waves were deadly, booming with anger and rage. Her face blank and pained, she took a deep breath and leaned down over the edge._

"_It's not going to work." She told herself softly, she shrugged off her jacket and threw it carelessly into the wind. Taking a deep breath, and plunged into the deadly water. _

"She's going to _kill _herself!?" I yelled this cannot be possible! The thought of Bella, _suicidal, _probably because of me, is unbearable. Why would she want to end her life? What can I possibly do to make this right?

"It's not going to work, though." Alice told me, speaking softly.

"That's not the point! She _wants _to kill herself, that's the big thing. How can she?! We can leave, we could and she…"

"That won't do any good; she's already made up her mind." Alice said, massaging her temples.

"I'll meet her, I'll find her and…"

"I thought she ran away from _you._" Rosalie snorted, rolling her eyes. "I doubt seeing you will change her mind."

"Then Alice can go. Please, you Esme, Rosalie, Emmett…"

"I am not a part of this!" Rosalie yelled, jumping up. "She has done nothing for me! Why shall I stop her? I barely even _know _her."

"Rose," Emmett whispered, pulling her down back onto his lap, "Bella is a part of this family as well."

She snorted, "Last time I heard Ta-"

"ENOUGH!" I roared, memories tugging at my mind. "Don't go then! It was simply a suggestion!"

She glared at me, and flipped her hair sighing.

"Alice, please." I begged, my eyes revealing only the portion of pain I was dealing with.

"Of course, Edward." She mumbled standing, taking Jasper's hand. They walked out the door without a word, Esme hugged my gently and followed after them, Emmett, sat on the coach, twitching slightly. Obviously wanting to go as well.

"Just go, Emmett." Rosalie sighed, and she squeezed his hand gently, forcing a smile. There _is _a soft part to Rosalie, though I barely see it, it's in there...somewhere deep down.

"You're the best, Rose." He kissed her cheek and bounded off after the others.

I sat on the coach, and sighed. All I can do now, is wait. Wait to hear the news. Bella, oh Lord, how can she do this to herself? Why am I torturing her further? I should have never had come, I shouldn't have agreed to this. If I weren't here, then Bella would be fine. She'd be happy. Happy without me. Then again, I would have never gotten o realize what has become of her. A _vampire. _How ironic…well not really.

But she turned into exactly what I hoped she wouldn't. The thing I tried to protect her from illogically caught up with her, hitting her weakest point, and caused the most unbearable pain.

Alice and the others are now my only hope. They can talk to Bella, convince her to come here. Convince her she has a home. Convince her to come back to me…

I felt Carlisle place hand on my shoulder a sad smile on his lips.

"_Pray, Edward." He whispered through his thoughts. "It's all we can do now." _

**Alice's POV.**

"What cliff was it?" Jasper asked as we drove along the roads.

"La Push."

He instantly tensed, "Werewolves."

"I know, I know. The treaty, but kill us if they want, I am not letting Bella go."

He nodded slowly and veered on the gas. Esme was starring out the window, her face twisted in pain. Her daughter, her very daughter throwing herself of the cliff. Emmett's leg was bouncing up and down, his arm twitching every so often. I squeezed Jasper's hand gently.

We approached the invisible boundary now, the line that divided the werewolves and vampires. As if some invisible force drew a line in the ground, separating the two worlds.

"Are you sure they don't have some like, vampire detector or something?" Emmett asked in a panicked voice.

I snorted, "No. The wolves aren't that smart. Besides, I don't think there's such a thing."

Emmett shut his eyes and braced himself for impact. Wincing as we passed through the divider.

"Emmett you're acting like an idiot." I giggled softly as we passed through the divider, the first of the Cullens to ever do so in a while.

"Hey, we didn't blow up into flames!" Emmett breathed in a sigh of relief. "Thank Lord!"

I laughed then, something I wasn't able to do the last few days, with the whole Bella problem. Esme chuckled softly and Jasper tried to force back a smile. We pulled up in front of a beach, the waves crashing onto shore.

"Where?" Jasper asked, grabbing my hand.

"There," I pointed at the cliff that watched of La Push beach, as if a lion, reading to pounce. We all took off running, the wind whipping at our faces, whirling and howling at us, as if warning us to stay away.

"Please, don't let us be too late." I whispered and picked up speed. Jasper suddenly stopped and whipped his hand around and run in a different direction. Confused, I followed him, though he was going the wrong way. He stopped at the edge of a small cliff, and sighed.

"We're too late." He mumbled his eyes sad. Esme chocked back a sob, but I did not react.

"No, this is not the place." I told them; surely this is not the cliff I saw in my vision. "We have to go higher."

"Higher," Emmett breathed, "Damn, that girl has got some nerves."

"We're already so high." Jasper shook his head in amazement. I peered over the cliff, and sure enough, we were very high. The people below us on the beach were tiny dots.

"Let's go, we have to hurry." Esme said, and took off running again, and we followed.

High and higher we climbed, we kept going into the beach was so small the people bellow were nothing, can't even be seen from these heights.

"Bella!" I called, my voice echoing. "Bella!"

Sure enough there was a dark figure standing at the edge of a cliff, starring down at it. Bella, oh thank Lord, we aren't too late.

"Bella!" Emmett roared, obviously louder than I. His loud voice echoing throughout the area.

She whipped her head towards us, expression instantly filled with pain. Her eyes landed on Esme, and sobs instantly raked through her. Her eyes were wide and her hands in fists. Her brown hair flew in the wind, her eyes deadly.

We stopped a few feet away from her and her chest heaved up and down, she reactively took a step back, closer to the cliff. Closer to death, and farther from life.

"Bella, stop. I know what you're planning of doing." I whispered, knowing she could hear me. She didn't answer he eyes grew wide, her mouth opening slightly.

"Bella." Esme whispered, taking a step forward her arms open. "Bella, come back."

She shook her head sadly and took another step backwards.

"Bella," I warned, "A few more steps and you'll fall right off."

"Isn't that the idea?" She mumbled, taking one more step. Esme's face fell, and she took a step back.

"Bella, please." Emmett spoke up, "Come home."

"Those are the same words he said to me before." She said, her voice burning with pain. "I told him I didn't have a home, and I'll tell you all the same thing."

"But you do," Esme persisted, "Please Bella, don't do this to yourself."

She shook her head sadly, "I know better than to believe a word a vampire says. I cannot even trust myself, how do you expect me to trust you?"

My insides broke, poor Bella. What has become of her? Of course, this is the broken Bella. The incomplete Bella. Bella needs Edward, we all know that! Why are these to fools making this harder!

"Bella, we are your family. We all love you very much, please." Esme whispered, a sob working its way up her throat but she choked it down.

"You are not my family." Bella said, with a hysterical tone in her voice. "I do not _have _a family; my family has died a very long time ago. And my other family has left me, promising they would never come back. I do not have a family anymore."

I felt my pain flow through me as I realized which family we represented, the one that left. Of course, not only Edward left her, we left her too. We are just as much to blame.

"I'm sorry, Bella, but…" I whispered, but was cut off.

"It wasn't much of our decision." Jasper explained.

"So…yet again. The incredible Edward Cullen is behind this. Always knew it, I always thought it was too good to be true. Guess it was." She said, laughing at herself slightly.

"He loves you." Jasper mumbled, staring her in the eye. "He always has."

She shook her head, "I'm sorry, but I just don't know what to believe anymore."

"Come with us, Bella." Emmett reached his hand towards her, "We'll prove it to you."

"I don't need anything proven to me." She hissed, it was like Rosalie times two. Damn. "Whether he loves me or not, it means nothing, anymore." Her voice broke twice, and her eyes clouded over.

"Bella," I whispered, "We are not here to try to get your back with Edward. I am here to get my sister back."

Her eyes filled with pain and longing as I spoke the words. She dropped her eyes to the ground, pain written all over her.

"But he'll be there." She whispered to the ground.

"He won't do anything that will make you uncomfortable, none of us will. We just want you there."

Her eyes met mine, "What if he…"

"He won't do anything. I promise. Friendship at least, is all I'm asking."

She gulped and slowly nodded, "Friendship. Nothing more?"

"As long as you're comfortable." I urged, so close…

"Okay." She whispered finally

I beamed as did everyone else. A laugh of relief escaped from Emmett lips as he walked towards Bella and pulled our long lost sister into a hug. She buried her head in his chest and wrapped her arms around him. She pulled away slowly, smiling softly.

"I missed you all so much." She whispered, surely, if I were still humans, tears of joy would be running down my cheeks.

"As we've missed you, Bella." I told her, hugging her tightly to me.

She turned towards Esme, who stared at her with a gleeful expression. Esme held her arm's open for her, and she contently fell into them, sobbing into her mother's chest.

"Esme, I've missed you so much!" She whimpered, her sobs slowly fading. She smiled softly and hugged her gently.

"Welcome back, Bella."

**Bella's POV.**

I sat between Esme and Emmett on the car ride…home. I guess I can call it that. Home. Home…home, home, home. It sounds nice to have a home. A place I can go to, a place where I can call my own. A place filled with love. Edward will be there, I reminded myself, but Alice promised, she promised nothing would happen to me as long as I didn't want it.

It's hard for me…to believe her. I've been lied to so many times before, because every time 'I love you' fell from Edward's lips all those years ago. It was all a lie, a lie told. It's like living in darkness. That when all you know _is _darkness, then a glimpse of light could cause you a heart attack. That darkness becomes your life and you think there is no other.

Trust is so hard; it's so hard when trust has always been something distant from you, something so far out of your reach you don't even bother to try anymore. I mean, why take a chance on the inevitable? If you know you're going to fail from the very beginning why try? It's so hard, to heal. Healing, I think, is sometimes worst than the pain itself.

Because sometimes when you're in pain all your sense close off, and all you can think of, all you can feel, is that burning pain. Everything circulates around it, nothing else comes to mind except the pain. But when it's over. You have to deal with the after mass of the storm, the destruction it left behind. You're sense slowly start working again, and your mind starts up again. So you are apprehending the damage, you take in every little scar that is left behind. So it is your job to mend, to heal yourself. And sometimes, healing is so much harder. Because in order to heal, you must let go. But the question is, what if you can't?

We pulled up in front of their house, all the familiar memories choking me, I lost myself then. The memories that constantly taunted me, hurt me, took pleasure in my pain gleefully conquered over me.

"Bella?" Alice asked, holding her hand out to me. I took a shaky breath and took her offered hand. She smiled gently and led me towards the house. Step after step we were getting closer, closer to him. The distance between us fading, my walls slowly crumbling, the pain slowly exploding. Leaking into me, laughing at my protests and screams. It takes joy in my pain.

That bronze haired angel, the one with the smothering eyes, the crooked grin, and the intoxicating presence.

Edward.

There he stood, so perfectly at the doorway, watching me, his eyes lit up like a million stars, pouring into mine. His eyes held mine, I could not look away. They mesmerized me, luring me into them, following the bottomless depths. He smiled that heartbreaker smile, the one that can get all the girls to cry.

"Bella," He breathed my name so beautiful once uttered from his delicate lips. The lips of an angel.

Reactively, acting on instinct I took a step away from him, bumping into Emmett who laid a hand on my shoulder.

"We promise he won't try anything. As long as you don't want him to. If he does, I'll snap his neck." Emmett whispered in my ear, and from the corner of my eye I saw Edward's face fall, his beautiful features turning sad. I saw the pain on his face, but still so breathtaking beautiful.

Alice took my hand again and gave a gentle tug; I stumbled forward, meeting Edward's eyes again. Alice stared at Edward, probably sending him some mental message. She pulled me forward, brushing past Edward.

Both he and I tensed as our bodies brushed by for a brief instant, a powerful surge of power passing between us. I heard him loose his breath, as did I. I fought the urge to jump into his arms as Alice led me into the living room, where I was met by Carlisle's warm hug.

"It's about time, Bella." He whispered in my ear before letting me go. I forced a tiny smile on my lips.

I took in the moment. Me standing there with all the Cullen's, all too similar to the memory that is hidden in these very walls. Who would have thought, that years from that moment all those years ago, I'd be standing here, decades later, as a vampire.

"Would you like to see your bedroom?" Alice chirped, smiling at me.

"You already have a bedroom for me?" I asked, astonished, but of course what could you expect from Alice.

"Of course," She snorted, "Physic, remember?"

I chuckled softly, "I suppose so, go ahead and lead the way."

She beamed at me and ran up the stairs. I sighed, catching Edward's eye before following after her. I found her standing in front of a black oak door, holding the handle.

"Oh, I hope you like it. I designed it myself." She told me and threw the door open.

I stepped inside and instantly lost my breath.

There was a bed, a black oak frame, with blue sheets, only taking up a small portion of the room, considering the fact I'd never need it. The rest of the room...

Books.

All kinds, all titles, romance, classics, adventure. Black shelves from wall to wall, filled with books, a ladder leaning against one, so I would be able to reach the ones that towards over. It did not seem like a bedroom, more of my own personal library. Next to the bed are a desk, a reading lamp, a phone, and pen and a journal.

"Oh...my..." I breathed as I ran my fingers over the books as I passed, taking it all in.

"Do you like the colors?" She asked quickly, "I mean I never really knew what you're favourite color is, so I assumed blue."

"It's...perfect. Thank you Alice." I breathed, mesmerized by the books.

She squealed and hugged me tightly. "I knew you'd like it!"

"This is truly, amazing! All these books! How could you afford all this? I'll pay you back, I swear, I'll get a job and..."

"Silly Bella." Alice laughed, shaking her head. "You haven't changed much."

I laughed slightly, "Thank you."

"So you like the books? Jasper was the one who bought most of them, considering I don't really know much about them...he said you would like these."

"Oh, I do." I whispered as I read the familiar titles, the room of my dreams. I reached towards my favourite book, _Wuthering Heights. _Pulling it out, and scanning through the pages.

"Don't read _now!"_ Alice exclaimed slapping the book out of my hand. I laughed and placed it back on the shelf.

"You know," I commented, "I'm surprised that there's no closet, with you being the designer and all."

She raised her eyebrow at me, and gestured towards a closed door at the far end of the room.

"Oh no." My eyes widened as I followed her towards the closet. "I'm afraid to open it."

She laughed, "Don't worry, it's empty. But it will be soon filled with clothes! After you and I go shopping of course."

I laughed; it seems I've been doing that a lot, laughing. I pulled it open, and gasped.

It was a whole new room itself, shelves, racks, cabinets, all empty.

"This is _huge._" I exclaimed, "How do you expect me to fill this!?"

She laughed again, "Well we'll start with the clothes you already have, then we'll go shopping."

"Well," I sighed, "We'll have a long way to go, since I don't have any clothes."

She gasped, "None at _all_?!"

I shook my head sadly, I didn't have the money.

"Oh my god! We have to go shopping _now._"

I laughed and walked out of the closet, "I'm perfectly serious, Bella!"

"That's not going to happen, Alice." I told her, sitting on the bed. "_You _can go shopping; I on the other hand, shall be here. Reading."

She groaned and buried her head in her hands, "I _told _Jasper that giving you a room full of books would be a bad idea! I mean, now you'll be in here all day."

"Or the rest of eternity." I smiled, and chuckled. She laughed too, and then we both froze as we sensed another presence in the room. There stood the angel himself.

The atmosphere instantly turned for the worst you could feel the tension building in the air.

"I'd like to speak to Bella, if that's not too much to ask." He said, and I tensed, staring up at him. Alice glared at him, and hissed.

"It is not I you need the permission from." She said, her tone sharp. I sent a panic glance at her, but she only stared at me, waiting. I dropped my eyes to the white carpet, staring at it as if it was the most fascinating thing I have ever seen.

"Bella?" Edward murmured, making my insides scream. "May I speak to you alone?"

_No! _I tried to tell myself, but instead I felt myself nod. He smiled slowly and Alice stood from the bed, squeezing my shoulder before dancing out of the room, closing the door behind her softly.

I felt him sit next to me and take my hands, but I refused to look at him, my breathing was ragged and laboured.

"Bella," He whispered, but I didn't turn my head. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Bella, please?"

I felt my bottom lip quiver and I bit down on it hard. And turned my face towards him slightly. He reached out and took my face in his hands, and I began to shake. His touch felt so warm against my cold skin, not something I expected. It felt so right.

"Bella..." He whispered, dropping his eyes for a moment, "I have to apologize."

I tensed as I waited for the impact of the following words.

"Bella, I am truly and completely sorry for the pain I have caused." He told me, his thumb grazing my cheek. "I don't think you understand how much I missed you."

My insides ached from the scream that wanted to escape from my throat, my arms hurt from being held away from him, my lips yearned for his.

"It's okay." I whispered pitifully. He smiled softly and continued.

"I also have a lot of explaining to do, Bella." He whispered his eyes holding mine in an unbreakable hold. "Bella, when I said I love you, I truly meant it. I love you, Bella. With my whole self, I love you."

I felt my face twist in pain as I stared at him, waiting for him to burst out laughing, claiming it was only a joke. But he remained perfectly serious, his face waiting for me.

"I..." I mumbled, struggling for words. "Y-You said you didn't want me, Edward. Now you tell me otherwise. Tell me which am I to believe?"

"The truth." He whispered, "I lied, Bella. I lied to you all those years ago. I loved you then, I always did, and always will. It was stupid, I was so foolish. I should have never had left."

"I don't blame you." I whispered quietly, "I mean, after all you didn't want me around anymore, so I don't see why you had to stay if..."

He chuckled quietly, "Bella." He said, "I love you. How many times do I have to say it until you believe me?"

"It never made sense for you to love me," I said quietly, "And then, your words simply clarified it. I mean who would want me anyways? You could do so much better, so I understood when you left...I just thought, I just thought maybe all the times we had together would have meant something. That it would have some resemblance in your life. But I guess I was wrong."

"Bella." He breathed, "I left because I thought it was best for you. I wanted you to have the life I could not offer, the normal life. The healthy life."

"The non-vampire life?" I asked, staring him in the eye.

"Well yes... at the time I didn't..."

"Yet here I am." I interrupted, "A vampire. Are you saying the life right now I have is not healthy? I understand now Edward, how you could feel like such a monster, because I _am _a monster. But Edward I didn't want the rest of eternity without you. It didn't matter to me, but then you left. And...my life sort of just...was meaningless. Then Victoria came."

He pinched the bridge of his nose, something he does when he's in pain.

"I had no idea what danger I was leaving behind. I just thought... I just wanted what was best, so you could be happy and..."

"But I _was _happy, Edward. Very, very happy."

"But for how long? I refused to damn you into a life like mine..."

"Ours." I corrected, "It's too late, Edward. I'm already a vampire, as much as you may despite it, it will not go away."

"When I came here, Bella. We came here to check on you, to make sure you were okay, but then I found out you were dead, and my world seemed to crash around me, the whole meaning pointless. Then, they found you, alive, as a vampire. The joy I felt is unexplainable."

"I don't understand." I mumbled, shaking my head, "You say you left because you wanted to prevent me from having the life I have now, how could you be happy about it?"

"Because I have you." He whispered, his eyes searching my face. I began to sob uncontrollably then, and I felt his arms wrap around me, and surprisingly I let him. He pushed my face to his chest and let the sobs rake through me.

I cried because I was so confused, I cried because it all hurt so much. I cried because I was happy, I cried because everything I wanted in life has come back. But mostly, I cried, because it all seemed too good to be true.

"How can I believe you?" I whispered, "How do I know this isn't just a lie? I'm tired, Edward. Tired of being used, tired of being lied to."

His eyes hardened there, "You have to trust me."

Trust.

There's that word again. That word that always seems to follow me around, taunting me.

"I...I-I can't." I whispered and I saw his face wash over in sadness.

"Bella, I didn't _want _leave you, I didn't want to lie. I just thought it was best for you...I'd never consider that..."

"I'd be a vampire? Tell me, Edward." My anger suddenly flaring. I have been used so many times, the pain that has been dealt upon me, brought out this part to me that just snapped. I was _tired _of this. "Was there some part of you that didn't want to spend the rest of eternity with me?

"A part of you that changed your mind? That made you believe I wasn't good enough to spend the rest of forever with? Is that it? Maybe, I was just a human fling, an entertainment. After all, my life span compared to yours, is nothing. A moment with me is nothing; a _life _with me is nothing!"

"Bella! That's not at all what I was thinking! I left because..."

"Because it was better for me right? It was what is best." I yelled, standing, "What if my life _was _better, it was better because I had _you. _Then you just _leave! _And now, you say you love me, as if none of it has ever happened!"

He opened his mouth to speak but before he got the chance I ran down the stairs and into the kitchen, gripping the counter for support. Esme froze, her eyes searching my face.

"Bella, if you wouldn't be so stubborn and just..." Edward said, standing next to me suddenly.

"Stubborn? Maybe I'm just standing up for myself, Edward. Maybe I'm not going to take this silently!" I stalked into the living room, where the others sat, watching us like hawks. Edward was right on my heels and I whirled around and poked him in the chest.

"_You're _the one that left me; _you're _the one who..."

He took my hand and held it firmly in his.

"Bella, I understand that my leaving was a mistake but at the time. I thought it would be better. Bella, you understand how I felt about myself, how I felt like such a..."

"Monster?" I suggested, because that is exactly how I felt as well. He nodded, and didn't let go of my hand. "I felt that way too, Edward. But I would have thought that...having _me _was enough, did it even register in your head that I actually loved you? That just maybe, I was _willing _to spend the rest of forever _with you._"

"Bella," He groaned, "I have you _now. _Doesn't that count for anything?"

"Who said you had me." I whispered, the words burning my tongue. His face twisted in sadness. "Edward, I wanted to be a vampire, because it meant spending forever with you. But when you left...and V-Victoria came, you can't imagine the pain I felt when I awoke. Forever meant nothing without you.

"Edward, I _killed _people, people with lives and a family. I killed them, and _no one _was there to help. Edward, I wanted you there, so badly I wanted you there to help me. But then I remembered..." My voice began to tremble, "That you d-didn't want me anymore, and I just thought...well I don't know what I thought, but the point is, Edward. You _weren't _there. And you can't expect that, once you're back, that everything just won't matter. Because you _hurt _me, Edward. Scars that won't fade so quickly."

He was silent after that, his eyes held only pain, pain and regret. My hands were shaking violently, and a sad sob escaped from my mouth. Everyone in the room did not dare move an inch, Esme stood in the doorway, her hand to her mouth, fighting down the sobs.

"Bella." Edward stammered, "I'm so..."

"Don't even." I interrupted, "It doesn't matter anymore."

The pain that has was ebbed for that short while, finally exploded, and I need to get out of here. Now. I walked quickly to the door all their eyes following me. I pulled it open, and was met by the furious winds; I blinked against the wind and run out into it, full speed ahead, and the last few words I heard, spoken by the queen herself.

"Well that was _way _better than cable." Rosalie commented, following by a smack. I didn't care who had hit her, all I want is to get out. Far away from them.

I allowed myself to show weakness towards them, I allowed myself to let go. But it only lead to this. Every path I take always leads me into this dark world of anger and hurt. I'm tired, sick and tired of being so used. So, keeping my head high, fighting down the sobs, I ran, not knowing where I will end up.

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**Ugh, well Bella is a piss of eh? I hate her, and I created her, quite twisted. So give me our opinion. Oh and a little help please! Should the line be "I ran, not knowing where I would end up." Or "I ran, not knowing where I will end up." I'm so CONFUSED with my past tense and something something tense, like I keep switching, and it's so annoying! I need advice, and tips, anything! **

**Review. (It will make Edward happy)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Last Chapter…**

_I'm tired, sick and tired of being so used. So, keeping my head high, fighting down the sobs, I ran, not knowing where I will end up._

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**Bella's POV. **

"Hello," I greeted the family, "My name is Bella, and I will be your server this evening." I placed their menus in front of them, sadly I work at a small diner down in Seattle, low budget, not much pay, but I'm desperate.

"Would you like something to drink?" I hold my pen and note book ready, smiling at them gently.

They were a beautiful family. Three kids and two parents who loved them. I longed for something like that, a family. The father smiled at me and for once, was not wavered at my unnatural beauty, his eyes only shone with love once he stared at his wife who sat next to him.

I felt my insides twist as he held her hand, longing for someone to hold my hand that way. Edward…I miss him dearly. I love him, yet I hate him, so confusing.

"Ice tea, would be great." He said kindly, without looking at me.

"Coming right up." I murmured and walked over to the kitchen and filled four cups with ice tea, placed them on a tray, balancing them easily. You know, I wouldn't be capable of doing that, if I were still human. Thank god, I've lost my clumsiness along with my humanity. I placed them on their table without a word, the pain slowly forming.

I sank into a chair nearby, and buried my head in my hands. I miss him…yet I left him. I love him…yet he hurts me so badly. How can that be possible? To love the one creature you utterly hate.

I love him that much I am sure of. He is not something I can let go of, something that will always a part of me. Then why do I run away? Why am _I _the one to leave? It is because the scar that the pain has left has reminded me what I've been through. How that this cannot just be pushed aside and ignored, he cannot just expect me to throw myself into his arms as if none of it has happened. I need to prove myself.

"We're ready to order now." A voice interrupted my thoughts, and I got up from where I was seated and walked over to their table, forcing a smile. They gave me their orders, I wrote them down easily, and smiled before leaving. I gave their orders and waited patiently against the counter, my fingers drumming along to a heartbeat in the room.

I sat on a stool in front of the counter, leaning my hands on it. Watching the beautiful family simply be together. The young children were playing, the couple watching them with joy and love in their eyes. I felt my insides twist in agony as I longed for someone to be there for me, someone to hold me together.

But I don't think that's possible anymore, you can't fix the unfixable. Leo, the owner of the place sat down next to me, sliding a cup of coffee over to me, and I tried not to wrinkle my nose in disgust.

"Have some, it's snowing outside." He said, Leo was my friend, my only friend. He was old enough to be immune to my…attractiveness.

"You know I don't drink caffeine." I told him, smiling slightly.

"Oh that's right." He said rubbing his chin. "Want some hot chocolate then?"

"No, I'm fine." I answered, running my hand absently through my hair.

"You look like you're in pain." He said, eyeing me carefully. "Something on your mind?"

I shook my head, "It's nothing, just missing someone that's all."

He smiled sadly at me, "Your boyfriend?"

"Something like that." I whispered, my insides throbbing. "I don't really think he feels that way about me anymore."

"What makes you think that!?" He asked, shocked.

"Curiosity killed the cat." I warned him, glaring slightly. His questions poking at the wound I have been trying to heal.

He laughed, "Hey, I'm just wondering. I mean, it's Christmas Eve, Bella. You should have someone waiting for you at home. I mean look at you!"

I laughed without humour. I had forgotten it was the 24th day of December, "I don't have anyone waiting for me at home."

"At all? Your dad?" I shook my head, my insides screaming. Charlie, I miss him dearly. "What about this boyfriend of yours? He's not even spending Christmas Eve with you!"

"Like I said, I don't think he loves me anymore." I repeated my voice breaking. It's true though, Edward probably hates me by now. I mean, after all the things I've said to him, of course he does.

"Why?" He persisted, leaning closer.

"I messed up, messed up real bad. I don't anything can fix what I have done." I told him, my voice obviously sad.

"Well, I mean, if you loves you, and you love him. Then he'll be willing to overlook it right? Because he loves you. I mean, any guy would be glad to have you, Bella. You're smart, hardworking, pretty, and a bunch of things." He told me, his wrinkled eyes shining with wisdom.

"I remember," He continued, "When I was younger, around your age. I fell in love with girl; she was the most beautiful creature I had ever laid my eyes on. We started going out, but then I found out she cheated on me. Broke my heart, it did. Shattered it to millions of pieces, but still, I loved her. I loved her so much that I would still take her. Now if you're boyfriend loves you, the way I loved her, nothing else would matter. I think you should go talk to him, spend Christmas with him."

A sob worked its way up my throat. "I-I can't. He probably…he probably hates me; he probably never wants to see me again. The things I said…it can't be forgotten, I've hurt him more than I'll realize, and… I miss him."

I started dry sobbing then, no tears in my eyes, but I didn't care.

"Aw, shucks. Don't cry. I didn't mean to upset you." He patted my back, and I took a shaking breath. "What's the lad's name anyways? I mean, he got a lot of nerve to be able to make you cry like this."

"His name is Edward." I whispered, his name burning my tongue.

"Well, I'm sure Edward is probably out there, in just as much pain as you are."

"Leo," I asked him quietly, "What happened to that girl you loved so much?"

He smiled his wrinkly eyed smile at me. "I married her."

**Edward's POV. **

Christmas Eve…and I have no one to spend it with. Our house was decorated with sparkling lights, Christmas trees, all Alice's work. My house was buzzing with excitement, an excitement I could not take part off. I have no reason to be happy. My very reason of life has run away from me, leaving pain and harsh words behind.

_It doesn't matter anymore. _Those words repeated in my head over and over, I don't matter to her anymore. She does not care whether I love her or not. I mean nothing. I've hurt her too much, I've caused her so much pain that she in unable to feel anything else. I love her with my whole self; everything in my life revolves around Bella.

"You're downing my mood, Edward." Jasper sighed, sliding into the seat next to me. "What's on your mind?"

"I miss her." I whispered pathetically. He placed a hand on my shoulder and gave me a soft squeeze.

"She loves you." He told me, but I doubted it. "Really, even when she was mad, I could sense the love rolling off of her. She loves you, no matter how many times she thinks otherwise."

I shook my head. "It doesn't matter to her anymore."

"It matters to her more than anything you can ever imagine, Edward. How do I say this so you won't get hurt…okay I can't." He cleared his throat and stared my in the eye. "Edward. She's hurting, her pain is so deep, and her wound far too infected to be healed that easily. Edward, I'm not going to lie to you.

"You hurt her very badly. You altered her very way of living. You were her joy Edward. But you left, and when you left you took that along with you. She needs time, Edward. She cannot forgive so easily, when you have been hurt so badly, you can't simply move on like that. She loves you still though. This amazes me greatly. She is in so much pain, yet there is still a part of her that longs for you Edward. I could sense it. She's dying for you, she's trying to be strong, but Edward…she needs you, more than she'll admit."

"But what can I do?" I whispered, my voice tight with pain. "She won't talk to me."

"She won't at first, but you have to keep trying. Prove yourself, Edward. You hurt her, so now you be the one to heal her. Show her that you love her, prove your love. Go after her, keep trying, and never give up until you win her love. The very vision of love has been whipped right out of her, she's afraid of it Edward. She's not mad at you, she doesn't hate you at all, she's afraid.

"She's afraid of the pain. Show her that you can help her, that you can't hurt her any longer. But Edward," He paused to glare at me, "If you _ever, _ever hurt her again. I will not be there to help you anymore. I doubt any of us will, she is extremely fragile, you're absence has left her hallow, you need to fill her up again. But not with lies, with truth, Edward. Don't you dare lie to her again."

Pain started to suffocate me, and I felt my chest heaving with great effort. _Bella, I'm so sorry. _

"T-Thank you, Jasper." I whispered, shutting my eyes. "W-Where is she?"

He smiled, and turned towards Alice, beckoning her over to him.

"She's in Seattle, Edward." Alice told me, her voice shining with joy. "Oh, and please try to get her here by New Years, I miss her dearly."

"I'll try my hardest." I whispered, standing up. I turned towards Esme, who looked up at me knowingly.

"Go get her." She whispered, "Bring my daughter back please."

I nodded mutely and hugged her to me. "Merry Christmas, Esme. I'm sorry I can't…"

"It's fine." She cut in, "You have to do what must be done."

I smiled at her and grabbed my keys. Alice handed me a slip of paper with an address on it.

"It's where she lives. Don't be surprised once you get there." She told me, then skipped back towards Jasper and sat on his lap.

"Thank you." I breathed, and started for the door.

"Oh and Edward." She yelled after me. "You're going to need this too."

She slid a silver disc into my hand, and then I knew, I had hope.

"Thank you so much, Alice. And…and I'm sorry, about…before."

She smiled sadly, "You made a mistake, Edward. We all have. Just don't you do it again."

I nodded and shut the door behind me as I sprinted towards my car. I veered the engine, and stepped on the gas. I drove along the roads, obviously way passed the legal limit, but no one could catch me. I slid the CD into my pocket and drove faster.

It took me 4 hours to get to Seattle **(AN: Okay, I really don't know how long it would take, I'm from Canada. I'm totally guessing.) **Every second of every minute of every hour my mind would be set on Bella. Bella's beautiful brown hair, her musical laugh, her voice like tinkling bells…and this was before she was a vampire. She was always beautiful, even before she was a vampire. Being a vampire simply enhanced it, but she has always been the most beautiful creature in my life.

I stared down at the address and quickly found my way around, I searched the thoughts around me, hoping to find Bella's face in one of them.

"_Oh dear, Bella has been through a lot." A man thought to himself._

I instantly froze, my foot stomping down on the brakes, I veered around and pulled into the sidewalk, I faintly heard a conversation coming inside the diner. My angel's voice ringing through my head.

"I-I can't. He probably…he probably hates me; he probably never wants to see me again. The things I said…it can't be forgotten, I've hurt him more than I'll realize, and… I miss him." Bella told an old man who sat at a counter with her, her sobs audible to my ears. I watched in horror as she cried, I wanted to badly to catch her in my arms, take the pain away, but I know...I am the whole reason she is crying, I bring pain, rather than taking it away.

"Aw, shucks. Don't cry. I didn't mean to upset you." He patter her back in effort to sooth her, his thoughts were frantic and panicked. "What's the lad's name anyways? I mean, he got a lot of nerve to be able to make you cry like this."

"His name is Edward." She whispered painfully, as if my very name brought pain to her. I felt my insides explode.

Me, Bella misses _me. _First she…first she says all this…_harsh_ things to me and now she misses me? This is really sick. But I'll take whatever I can get. I love her, what can I do?

_She's afraid. _Jasper's words warned me, and I listened closely out of sight, like some insane stalker.

"Well, I'm sure Edward is probably out there, in just as much pain as you are." He told her calmly, little did he know that he was exactly right. Both Bella and I are hurting right now, we leave each other…yet it is so complicated. You'd think that if two people loved each other they'd simply…well love. But no, that can't happen between us, because of the mistakes I have made, and words that were spoken, love is a lot harder to achieve than most.

"Leo," I she asked him quietly, "What happened to that girl you loved so much?"

He smiled as memories filled his head, he was with a woman about his age, kids who were grown up, his life flashed through his head. "I married her." He told Bella, and Bella's eyes instantly clouded over.

"That's wonderful." She breathed, touching his hand. "I'm happy for you."

"Why don't you spend Christmas with us?" Leo suggested, his voice hopeful, "I'm sure they'd all love you."

She shook her head and smiled kindly, "No, I wouldn't want to intrude. Also, I have some things that need to be tended to."

"Oh come on," He persisted, this annoying human just didn't know how to take no for an answer. "We have eggnog."

"As tempting as that sounds." She laughed, standing up. "My shift is over, and I better head home."

"Have and nice Christmas, Bella. I hope that boy of yours realizes what he's missing out on."

She smiled at him, but the pain was leaking through her eyes. "I hope so too."

That was my cue. I could take it no longer, as if on directions I felt myself opening my car door and walked swiftly towards the diner's door. I pulled it out without hesitation, my Bella is all that matters not. If she hoped for it, I will make it true. I love her, I love her, I love her.

"Bella." I breathed, as I stood in the doorway, my coat and hair covered in snow that had began to fall earlier.

She stumbled backwards towards the counter, and caught herself at the edge, her eyes growing wide.

"E-Edward?" She breathed, her breathing laboured, "What are you doing here?"

"Trying to win you back." I whispered, my eyes burning into hers.

I saw Leo smile and plant his hands on his hips. "What did I tell ya Bella, I told you he'd come around. I should be one of those advice column people, I'd make big bucks."

I forced a sad smile, "Yes, it seems I have a lot of apologizing to do."

"No, I-I should be the one I…" Bella broke off, staring at the floor, her hands slowly making indents on the counter.

I walked over to her swiftly, and took her face in my hands. "You're forgiven."

She smiled sadly at me, her eyes filled with pain. I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her to me, her beautiful scent filling my nose, her warmth spreading through my body. And for the first time, she hugged me back, her arms wrapping around me, her face against my chest.

"Edward, listen. I don't want…" She began but I hushed her.

"I'm not asking for anything but your presence, Bella. I'm not trying to pressure you into anything more. I was just hoping we could talk."

She nodded and pulled out of my embrace slowly, unintentionally making my face fall.

"You better take care of her," Leo spoke out, "Don't lose her."

"I'm not planning of letting her go anytime soon." I mumbled, taking Bella's hand, her eyes clouded with pain, and I saw hurt written across her face. To see her in so much pain…is almost unbearable. I led her out of the diner; she waved at Leo as the door swung behind us.

"Do you have a car?" I asked her slowly, my breath coming out in a puff against the cold winds, but of course we felt nothing.

"No," She mumbled, dropping her eyes.

"That's okay," I told her, smiling slightly, "I have mine."

We silently got into my car, and I started it quickly.

"I'm guessing you know where I live." Bella said quietly, her voice beautiful.

"That's what comes when you live with Alice." I replied, smiling. She laughed softly, and I was faintly aware of the small distance between her and me. I wanted so badly so scoop her into my arms, have her kiss me with the passion I know she holds, I'm so close…yet so far.

It's amazing how you can be sitting right next to the thing you want most in your life, but you can't have it. Yet it sits there, taunting you, overwhelming you with it's presence, yet you must take it all in still knowing that you can't have it.

I pulled up in front of an apartment with red bricks, and scratched paint.

"It's not much," Bella said, "But it's all I could manage."

I stared at her longingly, wanting her to come back home with me, where she could have a real home. She led me to the door and opened it with a rusty key; we took the elevator, which was torture. In a small tiny room with Bella, Bella the pure essence of beauty, it was hard for me to control myself.

She opened her door quickly, holding it open for me, and I stepped inside. Her apartment was quite small, but quite roomy. There was a kitchen and living room where I broken down computer sat, there was a door, to what I'm guess was the washroom, and another to her bedroom.

"It's not that bad," I told her, and she shrugged and walked into the living room. The pain on the walls were slightly chipped, and her hardwood floors missing a few pieces. She sat on one of the coaches, and I sat next to her.

"Bella," I whispered, her eyes drowning into mine. "Could you tell me how you were changed? I still don't quite have the full story."

Her eyes falter for a moment, "Victoria changed me, but I think you already know that." I nodded, yes I was informed, "Well…she came for…well, said it was mate for mate or something. Either way, you killed James, so she was going to kill me, but the pack came in time. They saved me from her, but not soon enough, she bit me by then. So I guess you already know the procedure, the pain…then waking up.

"Jacob was there when I woke up," She smiled then, at an old memory, and I wanted so badly to read her mind. "He helped me…a little, with my powers."

"You have powers?" I interrupted, shocked.

"Yes, now stop interrupting; I'll get to that later. Anyways, Jacob and I went our separate ways…I don't exactly know what happened to him. I had amazing self control that first day with Jacob, seeming how I didn't kill him, but after that. Anger got to me, and the pain too, and I lost myself." She dropped her tone down, "My first victim was a boy…19 maybe. I…I killed him because…because he looked like you." Her voice broke twice, and her features twisted in pain.

"Same bronze hair…but it wasn't you…but it looked so similar, but of course, no one could look like _you _but it was close enough. Next…was another man, older though, there is no excuse for what I did. I simply lost myself; let my monster get the better of me. Most of the people I killed were men…it seemed that I formed a very deep hatred towards them, but I didn't realize it at the time. But the worst of them all…I hurt a young girl, she was so innocent, she didn't know who I was…but…s-she caught me on a very bad day. And I…"

Sobs now raked through her and she leaned into me for support, willingly I held her to me, her tale bringing pain back into my chest.

"I'm sorry, Bella." I whispered into her hair. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."

She sobbed harder into my chest, her hands piercing into my side, but I felt no pain. "Edward, I'm…"

"Listen, please." I begged, wanting to tell her the truth, the real truth. "I was stupid, utterly stupid. I shouldn't be here right now, if I knew any better I'd stay away from her, listen to what you want, and leave you alone. But Bella, I'm not that strong; I can't stay away from you. It's as if you are a part of me, I can't just leave you, I need you, I need you so badly, and my life is nothing without you. I left out of ignorance and stupidity, I thought I was doing this for you, but it's taken me this long to realize that it was no you at all, it was I.

"I was the one who was afraid, afraid that I wouldn't be enough for you. That one day, when you're old you'll look back on your life and realize what you missed out on. I had no right to say that I left for you that was wrong, I left for myself. Because I am a selfish person, because I such a horrible, grieving…"

"No you're not." Bella mumbled into my chest, not wanting me to see her face.

She shuddered from under me, and suddenly she was shaking wildly, her body a blur against mine. I felt her breathing hard against me, her breath coming out in frantic pants. As if she was having a heart attack, but that's impossible since we don't really have hearts. "I…"

Suddenly it hit me, pain, immense pain, and I felt as if life was being sucked out of me. I felt it flow out of my body and breathing itself hurt. My vision clouded, as I felt my body go limp, and Bella's body tense.

I felt as if I was being held under water, everything felt heavy and clouded, I could barely hear Bella's tortured screams, I felt nothing.

Then, for the first time in many, many years, I fell into a deep sleep.

**Bella's POV.**

His words rang through my head, finally, he admit it. Instead of telling me it was about me, he told me the truth, the truth I wanted to hear. I felt my insides soar, and I interrupted him quickly, I love my Edward.

Suddenly everything came crashing down.

The power that I have been controlling for many years building up inside of me as I felt that love I had felt all those years ago. The love…seemed to activate it, as if an automatic security. Love has always been something to approach with caution, to set traps for…here is my trap.

I felt my body shaking, I tried to force the power inside of me, but it stubbornly continued. _No, no, no. _I begged, not my Edward. It was building inside of me, ready to explode. I cried out as I felt it harder than ever.

I released my power into him helplessly, crying out as I did so. I felt his energy flow into me, my touch sucking the life out of him. I cried out as I felt his body go limp against mine.

"Edward!" I cried as his eyes fell shut, his lips parted. Sobs now raked through me, no…no, no, no. Edward…not Edward. His energy flowed through me, drinking every last drop out of him. And finally…the memory engulfed me.

_---_

_Bella slept peacefully next to me, my cold skin a contrast to her warm skin. Her head lay on the pillow next to me, and I wrapped my arm around her small form, trying to be gentle. _

_The events of earlier today played through my head; I officially mark this day the best day of my life. I showed Bella the meadow…and she did not run when I showed her my sparkling skin. Today was the first day I kissed her, her soft lips against mine. Now, tonight is the first night I will spend with her in my arms, I hope to spend the rest of eternity like this, Bella in my arms forever. _

"_Edward," She breathed in her sleep, a smile on her lips. I stroked her cheek gently, watching her sigh contently. "Edward." She said again. _

_She is so beautiful, an angel sent down from heaven, and she's not afraid of me, she doesn't see me as a monster. I love her, I love her with my whole heart, even though it doesn't beat anymore. _

_The smell of her blood was luring, but I controlled that part of me, right now, all I want is to be here with Bella, no complications. Out of my many years alone, I've finally found someone, someone who I can love, and someone who loves me. _

"_Edward," She said sternly, her eyebrows frowning. "Stay."_

_I chuckled softly and continued to stroke her cheek. I wonder what she was dreaming of, how desperately I want to read her mind. _

"_Forever," She mumbled and rolled over. I carefully and very gently pulled her to my chest, so she was cradled in my arms. Here I am, holding an angel. _

"_I love you." She breathed, and my insides exploded with joy. My breath caught in my throat, and I stared down at her beautiful sleeping face. I carefully held her face, careful not to wake her._

"_I love you too, my Bella." I whispered back, shutting my eyes, knowing she didn't hear me. _

_I love her, truly I do. I love this beautiful, precious, delicate, girl. The one who blushes red, the one who is terribly clumsy, the one with the broken down truck, the one who faints at the smell of blood. But mostly, the girl with the beautiful brown hair, and eyes that you could lose yourself in, the girl with a heartbreaker of a smile, the one with a sense of humour, humility, love. The girl who has capture my dead heart. _

_The girl I want to spend the rest of eternity with._

---

I began to sob, heartbreaking, loud, sobs. It was the night after the meadow, his favourite memory, I'm his favourite memory. It didn't seem possible, out of the years of his life, I am his favourite memory, all the things he must have witness, I am the chosen favourite. He loves me, he really does. He wanted to spend the rest of forever with me, he was right. I sobbed and prepared myself what I knew what was coming next. My eyes widened as I was instantly pulled into his memory, his most painful memory.

_---_

"_Come for a walk with me." I told her, oh God, this was it. I took her hand, letting that small warmth again fill me up. Fill me up with more pain. I brought her along the side of the yard and she fallowed, we stepped into the trees so that the house was still in perfect sight. I leaned against a tree and stared my Bella. I can do this, I told myself. I can do this because I love her. If you love her, you'd do this, do it now._

"_Okay, let's talk." Bella said, her voice frightened. I have caused her so much pain, but it will all soon be over, she can have her chance at happiness again. _

_I inhaled deeply, you can do this Edward. You love her._

"_Bella," I started, "We're leaving."_

_She took a deep breath, instantly, as the words left my mouth they stung, they burned through me like a wildfire. Words I never wanted to utter left my mouth, and it hurt, so deeply. Another wound added to the collection._

"_Why now? Another year-"_

"_Bella, it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless." I lied to her, hoping it would be believable, hoping that my pain was not being exposed on my face. _

"_When you say we-"She whispered, her voice quivering. Oh, Bella. I love you, please, please just believe me. _

"_I mean my family and myself." I said coldly, I felt another pain rip through me, two wounds now. It hurt so much. She shook her head back and forth, as if it was impossible. _

"_Okay, I'll come with you." Yes, I wanted to say, come with us. But I know I can't. _

"_You can't Bella." I said to her, Damn, the pain strengthening with every word, three wounds. "Where we're going... It's not the right place for you."_

"_Where you are is the right place for me." She told me, Oh God. Four wounds. _

"_I'm no good for you Bella." True, so very true. The first truthful thing I've said so far. My life…is not for her, she can do better, better than me. A lot better than me. _

"_Don't be ridiculous," She almost begged, "You're the very best part of my life." I felt like crying at her words. How she could love me so much…how she could love a monster like me I will never understand. Five wounds now. _

"_My world is not for you." I told her, forcing the words out._

"_What happened with Jasper- that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!" She yelled at me, memories of her birthday choking me. It was horrible, it was her _birthday_ yet she spent it cover in blood. _

"_You're right, it was exactly what was to be expected." I told her, because it was, it really was. We're vampires, were dangerous, every second of her life is in danger. _

"_You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay-"_

"_As long as that was best for you." I corrected, the memories of Phoenix flooding in. Yes…my promise. I did promise her, a promise I'm sorry to say that I cannot keep. _

"_No!" She shouted, "This is about my soul isn't it? Carlisle told me about that, I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it with you- it's yours already!"_

_I inhaled quickly, how her words hurt me, she'll never know. Six wounds now._

_It was about her soul. I refuse to plunge her into a life like mine, while she can live a perfectly happy one without me. This wouldn't work… I'll have to take a new approach. It'll kill me…but I have to. I have to because I love her. I will do this only because I love her and she deserves the best. I gathered my strength together and looked up._

"_Bella, I don`t want you to come with me." I told her slowly, the lie burning my tongue. How I instantly wanted to take them back, how I wanted to wrap my arms around her and hold her and tell her how I love her. Seven, painful, wounds. _

_She looked taken aback, her eyes pained. She believes me. She truly believes I did not want her._

"_You…Don't…Want…Me?" She asked, in a small voice. Eight wounds. _

"_No," Oh dear God, how I wanted to die. How I wanted to call up the Volturri… _

_She stared at me in confusion and pain, and I stared back coldly. Lying through my eyes._

"_Well that changes things." She said, her voice wavering. _

_I looked away, starring into the trees. "Of course I'll always love you…in a way." So true, I will ALWAYS love her, "But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm tired of pretending to be something I'm not Bella. I am not human." I gave her a menacing look, "I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that."_

"_Don't," She whispered brokenly, "Don't do this."_

_I stared at her, making sure my pain would not show through my eyes. She opened her mouth to speak but closed it quickly._

_Nine horrible pains…_

"_If…that's what you want." She said quietly, and I nodded. She looked to numb, so pained it hurt so badly._

"_I would like to ask one favour, though, if that's not too much," I asked her, I don't know what showed on my face, but for the tiniest moment I felt hopeful. _

"_Anything," She promised._

_I instantly let some of my emotions flow into my words, I needed… I just needed to know she would be alright. That she was safe._

"_Don't do anything reckless or stupid," I told her, "Do you understand what I'm saying?"_

_She nodded slowly, taking in my words. Ten. Goddamn, wounds. _

"_I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself- for him." I turned my words around. She needed this I reminded myself, a fresh new start._

"_I will."_

"_And I'll make you a promise in return, I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without anymore interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed." I promised her, I hate myself. I hate myself for doing this. Her knees started to shake, and I smiled gently._

"_Don't worry," I assured her, "Your human- your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."_

"_And your memories?" She asked, her breath taken away. Eleven now. _

"_Well," I paused, "I won't forget. But my kind… we're easily distracted." I forced a smile for her benefit. I took a step away from her. Away from the love of my life. Away from my Bella. Away for the very source of my life, away from my happiness. _

"_That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again." I told her, twelve wounds now. _

"_Alice isn't coming back," She realized, I watched her slowly as her expression was numb._

_I shook my head, "No they're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye." _

"_Alice is gone?" She asked in a small voice._

"_She wanted to say goodbye," I lied, she never wanted to leave in the first place, "But I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you."_

_I looked at her for a last time, the pain in my chest ripped and shredding away._

"_Goodbye Bella," I said quietly, thirteen. _

"_Wait!" She reached for me but I took her hands and pinned them to her side and pressed my lips softly to her forehead. Her scent, her luscious scent filling my nose. _

"_Take care of yourself," I breathed, I love you I added mentally. _

_I took a last look at her beautiful face, her eyes closed, her expression hurt. I had done that to her, I had hurt her. I ran off, I ran faster than I ever did. I ran quickly into her bedroom. I took the CD I had made for her; I took the album she had made, the pain finally getting through to me. I felt like if I could cry. Heart breaking sobs would be escaping from me right now. I clutched the side of the rocking chair for support. I groaned loudly, I sobbed tearlessly into my hand. My chest heaved up and down with the pain I had caused. _

"_Bella," I moaned, and sobbed harder. I love her, I love her, I love her. Please, I prayed, be safe. Live, live your life for me, live it to the best of your ability, live without me…_

_As much as I love her, I cannot be a part of her life. _

_And so I ran…I ran…leaving a part of me with her. I ran into the darkness I now know as life. The wounds stacked into a nice neat pile, staring at me, waiting for me to kill myself. They taunted me, the pains flowing through me, as if my very self was being crushed. No meaning, everything is dull now, I cannot feel anything…only this immense pain…_

---

I cried out in pain, both Edward's and my own, and fell to the floor with a thump. I grasped my sides in pain, and doubled over, crying.

"Edward," I groaned and sobbed into my hands. No, no, how can this be right?

I am in both his worst and his favourite memory. How can I rules his life so much? Edward, he loves me, I believe it now. I truly believe it.

I cried for a while longer, until finally, I took a shaking breath. I looked over at Edward, his eyes shut, his breathing normal. Sleeping. It seemed too strange to see him sleeping, slowly, I stood up, and slid next to him. He leaned over, so his head was resting on my shoulder. His breathing was steady against my neck, and his finger twisted every so often.

I held him.

For the first time ever, I held Edward while he slept, instead of vice versa. I understood how Edward could spend the whole night watched me sleep, he was beautiful while he slept. Absent-mindedly I ran my fingers through his messy bronze hair, and it felt so right. I stroked his face with my fingertips, his beautiful, peaceful face.

"I'm so sorry, Edward." I whimpered softly, knowing he couldn't hear me.

Then something caught my eye. A shiny silver CD in his jacket pocket, I pulled it out carefully, and on it was a note.

_To My Dearest Bella:_

_Merry Christmas, I hope you don't mind a reused gift._

_I love you, Edward._

Slowly, I lowered Edward on the coach so he slept contently and comfortably. I pushed the disc inside my computer slowly, curiosity growing inside of me.

Suddenly, my lullaby filled the room, and I clapped my hand over my mouth. The beautiful music danced around the room as I realized this was the gift he had given to me on my 18th birthday. Sobs threatened to overcome me, but I fought it down, instead I shut my eyes and focused on the music. I imagined Edward's hands dancing along the keys, his beautiful smile blooming as he played for me.

So sweet, so beautiful. It filled my up with love, my love for Edward.

"Bella?" His hoarse voice came from behind me, I turned towards him slowly. He struggled to sit up, but managed. He shook his head, trying to shake off the weakness.

"Bella, what _was _that?" He asked me, his eyes wide.

"My power." I told him softly, sitting next to him.

"And what exactly is that? You drain people's energy? You make vampires fall asleep?" He asked me, his voice obviously still tired.

"I'll explain later, but right now…" I whispered…

I leaned forward and pressed my lips against his, my lullaby playing softly in the background.

Truly, a perfect Christmas.

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**Okay, no, that's not the end. There is ALLOOOOTTT more to come, I swear. Just a notice, the next few chapters will be fluff, just for my own pleasure. Review please! Oh, and don't you just love the relation (brother to brother of course) between Edward and Jasper? There aren't a lot like those…anyways, give me your thoughts! Or I'll just get Edward to read your mind, either one. **


	7. Chapter 7

**A song that can totally sum up Edward's feelings for Bella in this chapter is Stranger by Secondhand Serenade, I love them! Really, listen to that song while reading this and you'll have Edward's POV. **

**Oh, and I swear to God, Goodbye by Secondhand Serenade is the PERFECT song for chapter 4 when Bella tells Edward they can't be together, really, READ BACK and listen to that song, it's totally made for Bella.**

**Last Chapter...**

_I leaned forward and pressed my lips against his, my lullaby playing softly in the background._

_Truly, a perfect Christmas._

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**Bella's POV. 6 days later....**

I pulled away from him breathlessly, his arms were wrapped around my waist, and mine around his neck. His eyes blazed into mine, full of emotion, and full of love and relief.

I began to sob joyously into his chest, breathing in his wonderful scent, and his arms tightened around me, pulling me closer to him.

"Bella," He breathed, and shut his eyes briefly, a beautiful smile on his lips.

"I love you." I whimpered into his chest, happiness and love washing over me. Those words that have been waiting to be said are finally spoken.

Those words that have been haunting me, sitting on the edge of my mouth, waiting to be spoken. Those three words, meaning so much, are finally said. That one emotion, that love that I have been fighting against is finally free, and the one vampire who I tried to hate, is finally here. I am letting down my walls, and allowing him in. I love him, I love him, I love him.

He pulled away from me, and held my face in his hands, his smile now dazzling.

"I love you, too." He said and leaned in to kiss me again. "Bella." He breathed into my mouth, "My Bella."

That's what I am. I'm his; I always am and always will be, every part of me belongs to him. I am his prisoner, I belong to him whether he will take me or not.

"You don't know how long I've been waiting to hear those words." He told me as he pulled away.

Pain and regret instantly caught up with me, as I realized the damaged I have committed. The pains I've dealt upon Edward, the scars and wounds that I've given him, the painful memories that won't be forgotten, and the words that can never be unspoken. All the problems I've created in his life, everything I've done to him, finally caught up with me.

"I'm so sorry, Edward. For everything I've done, all the problems I've created, all the pain that I've…"

"You have nothing to apologize for." He told me gently, his thumb caressing my cheek. "It is I who has to apologize…"

"No!" I interrupted, "I used my _power _on you! I hurt you! I'm so sorry, Edward. I didn't mean to, I've been controlling it for all these years and then I just _loose _myself!"

He hushed me, "It's none of our faults, what matters now are that we're together and I love you."

"But I…"

He hushed me again, "Let's start over." He suggested, and he pushed me away softly so there was a tiny gap between us, and as soon as my body was removed from his, I felt myself aching for him.

"My name is Edward Cullen and I'm completely and absolutely in love with you." He said smiling, holding his hand out for me to shake.

I laughed, and shook his hand. "My name is Bella Swan, and I think I'm in love with you too. Would you like to spend the rest of eternity with me?"

He smiled, "Of course kind stranger, I would love to."

I smiled along with him as he held my hand now, but the space between is torturing. I jumped him suddenly, and I could tell he was expecting that, he fell backwards into the coach. He laughed and pulled me to his chest, my head resting on it happily.

He stroked my hair gently and coaxed my head upwards so I stared into his bottomless eyes.

"Can you explain your power now? What exactly happened to me?" He asked me softly, his voice burning with curiosity.

"Well…" I began, no idea what I was going to tell him. "I…I sort of, _see _your memories."

I watched his reaction slowly and he seemed to tense up. "All of them?" He asked wirily, almost afraid.

"No," I answered, watching him as he breathed out in relief. "Just you're best and you're worse. Why?"

"No reason." He said quickly, causing my suspicion to over load. "I'm just wondering, trying to figure this out."

I could catch his breath speeding up a little bit, something I wouldn't notice as a human.

"Edward," I laughed, "I'm not a human anymore. You're lies don't work as well on me as they use to."

"I'm not lying." He said, his eyes widening a little, he's a good lair. But not good enough. I can pick things I couldn't as a human; I'm not that gullible anymore.

"What are you hiding?" I asked him.

"I hide absolutely nothing." He said smiling. It was slightly off, his crooked smile was at all that crooked, more forced and pressured.

"What did you see, Bella?" He asked me, a nervous tone slightly in his voice. He was trying to distract me.

I glared at him for a moment, but I decided to let it go. I couldn't hold it against him, I trust him. For the first time in many years I trust Edward Cullen. Something I couldn't do before, something that seemed so hard for me is finally here. I shut my eyes and plunged into the dark waters, only to be caught by this beautiful angel, and I'm glad I did.

I was so afraid before, so terrified, but now I conquered it, I finally got over it, and let the love roam free.

"Well, your best was…was with me, when I was human. When…you first spent the night in my bedroom. The day of the meadow."

He smiled gently and stared off into the distant, obviously lost in the memory. "Yes, that was the most wonderful day of my life. But right now, I have to say today, is the best."

I smiled at him and kissed him quickly and continued. "Your worst…was when you l-left me."

Pain instantly washed over his face and he held my face in his hands. "So you believe me now? That I didn't want to leave?"

"Yes," I breathed, shutting my eyes. "I believe you."

"Good." He said smiling, and kissed me. "And the after affect? It causes you to…sleep?"

"My power," I explained, "I don't really understand it, because sometimes I feel the pain you feel in the second memory, yet for the first, I don't feel the joy. So it seems as if I'm dwelling and feeding on the sadness rather than the joy. Then…the person who I used it a-against just…passes out."

He looked at me thoughtfully, "Carlisle will love to hear about this. I'm sure he could figure it out."

"Hopefully," I agreed, smiling sadly.

"What do you say; you get out of this dump and come back home?" He asked me, the joy was clear in his voice.

"Home," I breathed, staring him in the eye. "I'd love to."

He kissed me again, "I'm sure they'll be glad to have you back in time for New Years, seeming how we missed Christmas with them."

Regret instantly shot through me, "Oh Edward," I breathed, horrified with myself. "I'm so sorry. I'm sure you would have wanted to be with your family this Christmas. I'm sorry."

He laughed without humour and kissed me lightly. Bringing us both up into a sitting position. "Bella, you _are _family. They are just as much of your family as they are mine. Besides, there's nowhere else I'd rather be than here with you."

I smiled at him softly. "There you go again. Dazzling me."

He chuckled, "You said those words many years ago, do you remember?"

"Of course I remember," I said almost too boastfully. "I may be a vampire, but I'm still Bella."

"Of course," He replied, "You haven't changed much actually."

I laughed, "You're kidding right? I've changed a lot! Firstly, I'm a vampire. Therefore I'm beautiful and…"

"You are _always _beautiful." He interrupted, "Even as a human. Your beauty now may be different, but just as much beautiful as you were before."

"Sure sure." I waved him off, smiling to myself. "Either way, I'm incredibly fast, and I'm not clumsy anymore and…"

"Oh you're always clumsy." He interrupted again laughing.

"No I'm not. Not anymore." I argued, "I actually haven't tripped for fallen for the past years."

He raised his eyebrows, "You've fallen for me haven't you?" He laughed at his own pun.

I giggled, "You're so corny, Edward Cullen."

He laughed and pulled me closer to him, so I was seat nicely on his lap.

"You're still just as stubborn." He whispered in my ear. "Just as beautiful, just as kind as I have remembered you. Just as self-sacrificing, but I don't know whether to consider that a trait or a fault, though I can find no fault in you. You're humour hasn't changed either, and by the looks of it, you're distaste in clothing hasn't either.

"You're smile is just as dazzling, yours eyes with the same sparkle. Except of course, the color has changed from that beautiful chocolate brown, to a mesmerizing topaz eyes, but that's something I can live with. You're hair is still that shade of brown as I remember it as, and you're voice just as sweet. That major change is that well, you're blood doesn't tempt me, considering you don't _have _human blood anymore."

I stared at him, sobs working their way up my throat. "Really?" Was the only thing I could manage to ask.

"Yes, really. When you were human, you're blood wasn't that only thing that tempted me. You're too beautiful for your own good."

I laughed, "Stop dazzling me."

"I thought you like being dazzled?" He teased me, kissing the side of my mouth.

I smiled and turned my face towards him. "Most of the time I do, but its hard when we're trying to be serious. It's hard to concentrate when the pure essence of beauty is sitting right next to you."

He chuckled, "You sounded quite idiotic right there."

I hesitated, "Yes, I suppose I did."

I laughed along with him, and suddenly our conversation took another deeper course.

"I missed your laugh," He whispered into my ear. "I've missed your smile too. I missed holding you, kissing you, touching you. Everything." He paused to kiss my cheek, "Bella, I'm so sorry for everything, _every single thing _I've done to hurt you. Everyone wound I've given you, every painful memory. I'm sorry Bella. I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you when you first woke, I'm sorry I wasn't there to help you. I'm sorry I went against all my promises, but I love you and I was stupid. I love you beyond anything ever imaginable. Only you. Forever only you."

"Forever?" I whispered, touching his face delicately. "You mean it? Me? Forever?"

"Forever, Bella." He smiled sadly, and kissed me tenderly. "For the rest of forever I will love only you. I will spend every moment of it with you at my side."

"That sounds perfect. Forever is an awfully long time though." I said softly, my eyes holding love.

"I was," I started to venture off into my own story. "I was so sure that you'd fall in love with someone else. All the years I've spent alone you're name was always haunting me. Telling me that you moved on, that you truly didn't want me anymore, that you found someone else. Someone else who could love you the way I did, and someone you could love in return.

"I tried to tell myself it was for the better that you moved on. I tried to convince myself that if you _did _move on, that you'd be happy. And I'm happy when you're happy. But, I'm not that strong Edward. I can't…" I broke off there, and his face frightened me.

Hard. Cold. Emotionless.

His eyes were frozen along with his face, it scared me. He stopped breathing all together, his hands in fists.

I touched his face hesitantly, "I can't stand to see you with someone else. I'm not noble enough to see that, I don't have the strength."

He didn't blink, he didn't breath, he didn't move.

"Edward?" I asked my voice frightened. "Edward did I say something wrong?"

His eyes seemed to come to life then, but when they did they were filled with this pain and…regret. He blinked hard and instantly captured my face in his hands. His hands were trembling and it looked like he was holding down sobs.

"What is it, Edward?" I asked him. "What did I say?"

"N-Nothing, it's just…hard to h-hear that's all." He whispered, his voice cracking with pain. I stared at him solemnly and kissed his frozen lips gently.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything."

"No," He breathed, "I'm sorry for me reaction…I just…"

"It's okay." I told him, smiling sadly. "We're both messed up. After all this…this…I have no other way of putting this but after all the crap we've been through, it ended alright, didn't it?"

"Yes," He smiled, "We're together, and that's all that matters."

And the way he said it, it seemed like he was trying to convince himself more than I. Like he was telling himself these things, rather than me. Strange.

He forced a smile and stood up, pulling my hand. "Go take a shower. We'll leave when you're done."

"Okay," I whispered and began to walk towards the shower, I paused. I turned around and kissed Edward quickly and then ran off into my washroom. Doubt started to catch up with me, but I fought it down.

Edward loves me. He doesn't hide anything. He's just hurt. Hurt I've given him.

With that on my mind, I turned the shower on, rid of my clothes, and stepped inside the warm water.

**Edward's POV.**

I heard the shower and Bella stepping inside, I breathed a sigh of relief that she did not question further. I pulled out my cell phone and dialled Alice's number.

"Edward!" She sang into the phone. "Hurry up and get here!"

I chuckled, "Bella is finally coming home."

She scoffed, "This may sound childish but…_duh Edward. _Of course she's coming home!"

I laughed, "Well _you _may know that, but the others don't, could you inform them? And maybe…handle Rosalie."

"Right, right." Alice murmured, and I heard protesting from Rosalie in the background. "Tell my sister I'll be waiting for her."

"Of course." I whispered.

"I'll see you in three hours and forty-seven minutes." She cheered, and I heard Jasper laugh.

I laughed as well. "Alright. I'll try to make it on time."

"Oh you will." She told me. "Oh my Lord, and please tell Bella to wear something other than those horrid jeans, seriously, that girl _needs _to go shopping! Tell her to wear the blue dress that's hanging in her closet, and if she doesn't I'll personally force when of _my _dressed on her. That should frighten her."

I laughed, "Sure, Alice, anything you say."

She laughed as well. "Goodbye Edward."

"And Alice?" I whispered before she hung up.

"Yes Edward?"

"_Thank you._" I breathed, shutting my eyes.

"No problem, brother." She sighed and hung up, a smug tone to her voice.

In the other room I heard Bella turn the hairdryer on, and the shower stopped. I walked towards the door slowly, and knocked twice.

"Come in," Bella called over the dryer.

I opened the door quickly and closed it behind me. She met my eyes in the mirror and smiled at me, her perfect, beautiful smile. How lucky I am to have this beautiful vampire fall in love with me. This beautiful vampire who has chosen me, me out of all people. She was already in jeans and a plain blue shirt, running her hands through her hair as she blow dried it.

"Jeans and shirt, just as I assumed. You're taste in clothes hasn't changed." I told her smiling, and wrapped my around her from behind, holding this beautiful angel in my arms. She stopped blow drying and her hair stood up in a wild, frizzy mess.

I laughed, "And neither has your hair."

She laughed too, and reached for a comb, running it through her hair, and the wild mess was tamed into beautiful wavy hair.

"I'm ready, we can go now." She said, applying lip gloss.

"It's Christmas day, Bella." I told her gently, trying to enforce Alice's request slyly.

"I know so?" She asked her voice surprised.

"Nothing, it's just…don't you want to wear something more…appropriate?" I asked her, hoping I didn't offend her.

She laughed and shook her head. "I would but…I don't really have anything."

"You have that blue dress." I said, and caught myself.

"How do you know I have a blue dress?" She asked, her eyebrows shooting up.

"Well…" I muttered, and our gazes met, and she understood.

"Alice," She sighed, "Fine, _fine! _I'll change but I won't like it."

I laughed at her tortured expression. "I think you'll survive. She even threatened to put you in one of her dresses."

She huffed and walked pass me and into her bedroom. I followed after her, and she pulled her closet door open. Hanging in her closet was five shirts, two pairs of sweat pants, one pair of jeans, and two sweaters. Then one beautiful blue dress.

"Bella," I scoffed, "I know you don't like shopping, but this is unreasonable! That's it? All the clothes you have?"

"Well," She whispered, reaching for the dress, "I don't have much money, and when I _do _have money, I don't waste it on _shopping._"

"Then why do you have a dress?" I asked her, "You hate dresses."

It's amazing how so many years have passed but we're able to talk to each other as if no one of it has happened, how we're both able to remember every single detail about each other as if it was yesterday, when in truth it's been decades. Remember traits that we share, memories we have created, almost everything.

"It was a gift." She whispered sadly. "From my mother."

I stared at her sadly. Her sadness obvious on her face, her beautiful smile twisted into a frown.

"She sent it to me at Charlie's house, before I…before I was…turned. I kept it in my safety deposit box…I just couldn't let go of it. It's the last thing I have of her."

She choked back a sob and I wrapped my arms around her carefully.

"I miss them so much." She whispered her voice cracking. "It's so hard…to actually comprehend that their _gone, _that their never ever coming back."

"Its okay, Bella." I murmured, "Everything will be okay."

She inhaled deeply, "You're right, I'm just being foolish. I'll change into this now."

She walked away from me and shut the washroom door behind her with a little too much force.

I stared after her, my eyes pouring into the closed door. I heard her sobs coming from the other side of it and I instantly rushed and pounded my fist against the door.

"Bella?" I called, "Bella let me in."

The sobbing didn't falter, only worsened. I twisted the doorknob but it was locked. I put more effort into it, and the lock snapped, and I pushed the door open instantly.

Bella was sobbing into her hands, sitting on the ground, the dress lying next to her.

"Oh Bella." I dropped to my knees next to her, touching her shoulder. At my touch she flung herself into my arms, and I gasped quietly at the force.

I held her to me, her sobs quieted by my chest, her fingers curled around the collar of my shirt. Her sobs raked her tiny frame, and I felt my insides twist in pain at her despair.

"Bella," I whispered, "It's okay, Bella. They loved you that are what matters."

"They thought I was dead." She cried. "And C-Charlie. H-He _died _trying to save me, Edward!"

She sobbed harder, her shoulders heaving. "He loved you, and that's why. You were his world, Bella. It's not your fault."

"But it is," She gasped, "It's my entire fault. Victoria came for _me, _she came to kill _me. _Yet here I am! And Charlie is _dead, _dead because of me!"

"Bella," I whispered, her words cutting through me. The thought of Bella alone in the kitchen, only to find a thirsty vampire ready to kill her is unbearable. All the danger I've felt behind…"Please. You are not to blame, if we're blaming anyone it should be I. I was the one who brought you into this world and…"

She silenced me with her lips. "Edward Cullen, _stop _blaming everything on you."

"Once you realize it's not your fault." I replied back, and she stared at me weakly, but nodded.

"I'm sorry," She whispered, "I just miss them, so much."

"It's understandable." I told her, and pulled her up. I stood next to her, and she looked up at me gratefully. "Get dressed."

"Okay," She nodded and reached for the blue dress on the ground. She breathed in deeply and forced a smile at me. I kissed her quickly and shut the door behind me as I left.

I sat on the coach, listening carefully, hoping she wouldn't cry again. I don't like it when Bella cries. It's hard to see such a beautiful creature so sad.

The door opened suddenly, and a beautiful angel in a blue dress walked into the room slowly, her eyes shining. The angel wore a deep blue dress, it shone and glittered under the light, but that was nothing compared to the angel's eyes. The angel's beautiful brown hair fell over her shoulder perfectly, and her lips in a perfect smile.

Her dress was a shade of dark blue, strapless, and completely perfect. The dress frilled out after the waist line, and ended above her knees, the chest was covered with beautiful embroidery, a small strap around the waist, it hugged her every curve, empathising her beauty.

"Do you like it?" The angel asked me, her voice quivering.

"You look beautiful." I whispered and quickly ran across the room to pull the beautiful creature into my arms. I kissed the angel's delicate lips and I all but melted.

"Thanks," Bella breathed as I pulled away.

"Blue has always been a good color on you." I said, stroking her cheek, and she smiled at me. "We should go if we want to make it before dark."

"Let's go." She said and took my hand.

"Do you want to bring anything with you? Since you're obviously coming to live with me." I asked her, thrilled at my own words.

"Oh, not really. I'm wearing the only thing I want to bring, and besides, Alice got me my books." She smiled that beautiful smile. "Oh wait!"

She ran to her computer and took out the disc I made her many years ago, she slipped it delicately in her purse and in an instantly was back at my side.

"Couldn't leave without this," She whispered, kissing me quickly.

I laughed, "I didn't have time to get you anything else, but I promise once we're settled in, you'll get your real gift."

"But I like those one!" She protested, "Besides, you know I'm not one for gifts."

"Ah, that's right." I teased, "Either way, it doesn't change my decision." I said as she shut the door and locked it. I grabbed her hand the moment it was free and walked down the hallway with her.

"I guess." She replied with a shrug of her shoulders.

She smiled up at me, her eyes shining with love that she possessed for me, it almost seemed too good to be true, but I'll take what I can get, illusion or not.

And so, I prepared myself for a 4 hour car drive, with the love of my life.

**Bella's POV.**

We walked towards his house…I mean our home. My insides bubbled with doubt, wondering if they would forgive me for all I have done. I feel terrible for all the problems I've caused the Cullens. Edward pulled me along the path and up the steps, pausing at the door to kiss me.

"They'll be glad to have their sister and daughter finally return." He whispered down to me, his eyes shining with joy.

I forced a nervous smile on my lips as he pushed the door open, leading me back inside. I inhaled deeply and stepped inside, bracing myself for their hateful faces.

The first to react was…Rosalie.

She gasped and stood up from a chair she was sitting on, her face lighting up like a million stars.

"Bella!" She gasped, her hand over her throat in surprise. She smiled and ran towards us, catching me in a tight hug.

She was taller than me so I found my head buried in her neck, and she squeezed me tight. I tensed, I was literally shocked. Rosalie? I thought she hated me! Yet here she is _hugging _me.

"Oh. I am so glad my sister has finally returned what a joyous…moment this is!" She said in her beautiful bell like voice. I pulled away slightly, and I saw she was holding a cue card in her hand behind, the exact words she said written on it.

I stuttered but composed myself when she pulled away, smiling at me.

"Thanks…Rosalie." The confusion was clear in my voice.

"Don't mention it." She fluttered her hand tossing the cue card in the air, and it landed to the floor, I stared at confused.

"Rose!" Alice screeched, emerging from the kitchen. "You're not supposed to let her _see _it!"

She stomped up to Rosalie, her tiny body angry, her face in a pout.

"On the contrary," Rosalie smirked, "You're orders were 'hug Bella, act happy, recite cue card, and then sit down.' I think I completed all tasks!" She said, laughing, and then glanced towards me. "No offence, Bella."

I laughed as well, "I guess it's the thought that counts."

Edward was staring down at me, looking at me expecting me to be hurt, but I stood on my toes and whispered in his ear so only he could hear. "I'm not that delicate anymore, Edward."

He smiled at me, and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"See," Rosalie pointed out to Alice, "Bella doesn't mind."

Alice grunted, "That's not the point! I'm not paying you for this; this was not a part of the contract."

"Excuse me! It never said anything about letting Bella know!" Rosalie protested.

"No, but I would have thought that you were _smart _enough to realize that!" Alice yelled, but I saw that this fight was not serious.

Rosalie laughed and walked away, Alice sighed and glared.

"I'll be back later to collect!" Rosalie called over her shoulder and went into Emmett's awaiting arms.

"That girl is going to drive me bankrupt one day." Alice muttered to herself.

"Well, I thought that was a very convincing and entertaining act, Rosalie." Emmett said, laughing his booming laugh.

Alice went over and hugged me, "Well _I'm _glad you're back, no cue card or script."

I laughed, and hugged her back. I looked down at her and realized she was wearing a very beautiful yellow dress, a black band under the bust, and flowed downwards, towards her knees. She looked simply beautiful. A true pixie.

"You look beautiful, Alice." I whispered to her, my eyes appraising the dress.

She laughed "Thank you. And I'm sort of disappointed that you didn't wear your jeans, I have this beautiful dress in my closet, and it would look just perfect on you."

I laughed, "I think I'll pass."

"Bella," I heard Esme murmur from the doorway, smiling gently at me. I smiled at her as she captured me in a warm hug. "Thank goodness you're back. Don't you dare run off like that again."

"I don't plan to." I whispered, and from the corner of my I saw Edward beam.

"It's good to have you back, Bella." Carlisle said, swinging his arm around his wife's waist, and I smiled up at him.

"Yeah, it's been boring with you here, Bells." Emmett said, smiling at me.

I took in everything, the joy of the moment, the love hanging in the air, I didn't need Jasper's gift to feel the love radiating through the room. Everyone was dressed formally, Esme and Rosalie, also in beautiful dresses.

Esme's more of the classical look, floral print, sleeves, the total opposite of Rosalie's. Her dress was a ravishing shade of red, a very, very low V neck, it had ruffles at the bottom, and ended high above her knee. She looked like a Goddess. The boys weren't in tux, but in nice shirts with dress pants, and I turned towards Edward, to realize he was also in the same thing, I just hadn't realized it before.

"Why are we so formal?" I asked, curiosity leaking through my voice.

Emmett flashed me grin, and I felt a queasy feeling in my stomach.

"It's nothing bad, Bella." Jasper assured me, sensing my distress.

"We're going dancing." Alice chirped, her face lighting up.

"No!" I gasped, "You've got to be kidding me!"

Alice raised her eyebrow as Edward chuckled at my outburst.

"Bella," Alice sighed, "You're going."

"But I can't dance!" I protested.

"Bella, you're a _vampire, _for God's sake, of course you can dance."

"Yes, but this is _me _we're talking about." I urged, oh please, please, don't make me dance.

"What happened to farewell clumsiness?" Edward teased in my ear and I glared at him.

"Nonsense, Bella. You're coming none the less, let's go everyone." Alice clapped her hands and everyone walked passed us and out the door.

Esme squeezed my hand before following Carlisle towards Rosalie's red hot convertible, the latest addition of course.

Jasper and Alice walked passed us, Alice winking at me, and into her yellow Porsche.

I looked up at Edward, pleadingly. He chuckled and kissed me quickly.

"Edward," I whined, almost too childishly.

He chuckled but didn't reply, he simply stared down at me with an amused expression. We walked outside and I instantly stopped dead in my tracks. There in the driveway, was a red truck, brand new, latest addition.

"Oh my…" I breathed, on the truck was a large bow and a card. I pulled out the card with shaking hands and inside were five notes. The first one read…

_Merry, Merry, Christmas Bella! _

_This truck is a lot like your old one, old broken down one, if I may point out.  
Use this one, it's a lot better. _

_Alice _

I laughed at her forthrightness, and opened the next one.

_Bella,_

_Alice says I'm supposed to write about the truck, but that's not what  
I want to point out to you this Christmas. Edward loves you very, very  
much, I can feel it. If you're reading this card it probably means you  
forgave him, which is a good thing. Trust him, Bella. He's a good  
guy, who loves you like the whole world. Don't doubt his love, because  
it never falters. Never had it once. _Trust me.

_Jasper._

I felt love flow through me as I read his note. Edward loves me. It's good to hear it from someone else. The meaning behind this note is powerful, trust him, it said. I do not doubt Edward's love. I opened the next note quickly, as I saw the others had already pulled out of the driveway. Alice waving at me, her face knowing.

"Thank you!" I yelled out towards all of them, all of them laughing and replying with smiles. I watched as they drove away and then began to read the third card

_To our dearest daughter,_

_Merry Christmas, Bella.  
We have missed you so very much. We both already consider  
you as our daughter. We both love you very much, and welcome you  
back into the family. _

_Esme and Carlisle._

I sighed at their benevolence, and hospitality. How lucky I am, to be accepted into their family so easily. As if the pain I caused never occurred. Edward watched from behind me, a beautiful smile on his face. I opened the next card.

_Well, _

_Hi, I guess. Alice is making me write this, and she's staring at me  
right now, so I'm just going to keep writing. Merry Christmas.  
I don't really know what to say, but I'm trying to make this look  
long enough. I mean, it's the thought that counts right? Just  
keep Edward happy okay? He's no fun if you aren't here. _

_Rosalie. _

I laughed, her hatred towards me was subtle, not as bad as I considered it as. She obviously didn't like me, but at least she accepted me. That's all I can ask from her. I tucked the cards back into the envelope and pulled out the last one.

_Hey Bells!_

_Merry Christmas! This truck is a lot better then you're old when, huh?  
I can't believe you actually drove around in that piece of crap. Anyways,  
you're a vampire now, so you're not as delicate as before, I'll be waiting  
to test that one day. Oh and, Edward missed you. I don't know if he's  
stupid, or whatever it is, I don't really understand the meaning behind his  
actions those years ago, but I know that we all missed you. Not  
only him._

_Emmett_

"This is beautiful," I said, putting Emmet's card back into the envelope. And putting the envelope in the passenger's seat.

"It is a nice car." Edward remarked and pulled me to his chest.

"No, I meant the card." I told him, smiling.

"That too." He said, kissing my cheek. "This makes my present look extremely pathetic."

I laughed without humour, "No, not at all. You're gift to me is the best one yet, I don't mind reused gifts."

"Right, I'm still getting you something else, though, whether you'll wear it or not."

"Wear it!?" I scoffed, "What are you getting me?!"

He laughed and stroked my cheek, "I've revealed too much. I can't tell you, you'll have to wait and see."

I sighed, "Well I suppose we better get going, if we want to get this dance over with. Though I find this completely unnecessary."

"It won't be that bad." He promised me, taking my hand again and leading me towards his Volvo.

"Oh yes it will." I protested as I slid into the passenger seat, Edward starting the car.

"I thought you're not clumsy anymore." Edward said, shaking his head and pulling out of the driveway, and into the dark roads.

"Yes, but that doesn't erase the fact that I _can't dance._"

"Bella, do you remember the promise I made to you at our prom?" He asked me suddenly, his voice serious.

"Yes…I think. You said you'd never let me go, but of course, Jake came and…" I tailed off.

Jacob, Jacob, Jacob.

"I wonder what happened to him…" I said out loud, his memory tugging at my insides.

"That's not what I'm trying to point out Bella." Edward said impatiently, obviously not liking my friendship towards Jake. "I'm going to make you the same promise again. I won't let you go."

I sighed, "Fine."

He smiled at me and kissed me slowly.

"This is going to be a _long _night." I breathed as he pulled away.

"No, it won't. Bella, it's Christmas Day for God's sake. Enjoy yourself." He told me, his tone light.

I huffed and crossed my arms across my chest. "I guess I can try."

"That's my girl." He said, kissing me again.

"Where are we going anyways?" I asked him, leaning into him as he swung his arm around my waist, driving with only one arm.

"Some hotel about an hour from here, well half an hour in our case." He replied.

"I'm glad I'm back." I whispered, staring out the window, watching the darkness pass us.

"I'm glad you're back too." He answered me, and turned my face towards him. "I love you, Bella. So much."

I smiled, "I love you too."

"Nothing was the same without you, you know." He told me, turning his attention back to the road. "My life was a black hole of nothing, nothing at all held meaning. But of course I still lived, I hunted, I talked, and I smiled, all the things you would expect. But none of it was really real. I was empty, it was as if my body was responding, but it wasn't really I. It was like I locked myself away, and simply _watched _life, rather than living it. I closed myself off more and more each day, until I totally detached myself from life. Then, _you _came back.

"My world seemed to light up again, that flicker of meaning erupted deep inside of me. But then, you wouldn't take me. And I understood how you could hate me, but it was something that was hard to bear, something that seemed to shut me down again, but not completely, because I still held on to the fact that you're here. You are everything thing good in my life, Bella. You are the joy, the happiness, the love. When you're gone, then…you take those things with you. You are my other half, my soul, my life. Without you, I have no meaning, I have no use. I love you, and I mean it to the depths of my very soul."

I felt a rush of love run through me, a tiny smile on my face.

"I love you too, Edward." I responded, my voice quivering, he smiled at me softly and kissed me tenderly. I stared out the window, the darkness just faded pasted us.

"I used to be afraid when you drove like this." I said quietly, the atmosphere calm.

He chuckled, "Yes, you did."

"Are you sure you don't miss it?" I asked him, "My human traits, I mean."

He stared at me, "No, I don't miss it. I have you, that's what matters."

"Not even a bit?" I urged, "You'll never see me blush again, you'll never see me shed a tear, you'll never hear me talk in my sleep. Are you sure?"

"Those things are nothing compared to what I gained." He said quietly, "I gained an eternity with the love of my life."

I smiled, more of beaming at him. "Good answer."

He smiled as well, "I try my best."

"May I?" I asked softly, taking the disc out of my bag.

"I'd be insulted if you didn't."

I smiled again and slid the disc inside, my lullaby filling the car with its sweet notes. I leaned back against my seat, relaxing my tense muscles. The lullaby never failing to sooth me. I shut my eyes and began to drown in the peaceful melody.

"I'll have to play you the real thing when we get home." Edward said, and I opened my eyes to find him watching me.

"I'll be looking forward to that." I replied, shutting my eyes again.

The music so beautiful, flowing around the car, was nothing compared to the vampire sitting beside me. His tousled bronze hair, eyes that you melt in, and this vampire who loved _me. _

"We're here, Bella." Edward whispered and I felt the car come to a stop. I opened my eyes and scanned my surroundings, we were in a parking lot, people emerging from their cars, dressing in beautiful gowns, and tuxedoes.

"You know what I don't find fair?" I asked him as I pushed my door opened, and he was instantly there, offering his hand out to me, which I took gratefully.

"What?" He asked, pulling me towards a beautifully lighten hotel, covering with shining lights, and a glowing fountain in front of it.

"That here I am, stuck in this uncomfortable blue dress, and these torturous heels, while you get to stay in dress pants and a collared shirt."

He laughed, "Well you know what I find unfair?"

I sighed, "What?"

"That I can't read your mind." He said, "Jasper is perfectly capable of sensing your emotions, and Alice can see your future…well somewhat. But me, nothing, nothing at all. It's hardly fair."

I laughed at him as we walked through the lobby doors.

"Well I guess that's something you have to live with." I told him smugly.

"Just as you have to dance in those heels." He replied, smug as well. I glared at him, he was smart.

"Fine, point taken." I said, smiling softly.

"Let's go." He murmured, leading me towards an open doorway, music erupting from the other side of it. He handed the tickets towards a man in a hotel uniform, who eyed me carefully. He walked me inside and I instantly froze.

The lights were dimed , twinkling lights everyone, and band playing the corner, and everyone was dancing.  
_Slow _dancing, thank God. Slow is fine…better than anything faster.

It was really beautiful though, a picture out of a magazine. Alice and Jasper were already dancing, the way their bodies moved together in unison, it was something I could not live up to. They movements were so in sync you could count them as one person, their bodies moving towards the rhythm.

"Oh my…" I breathed, and Edward chuckled softly and led me towards the dance floor.

"No Edward! Please don't make me!" I cried pitifully, panic started to creep up my throat.

"Please Bella?" He pouted, something I thought I would never see him do. "For me?"

"But I can't dance! How many times do I have to tell you!?" I cried desperately as he pulled on my hand again.

"I'll help you," He offered, and by then we were already on the dance floor, couples twirling around us. I began to panic, my breath coming out in short gasps.

"Bella," Edward laughed and held my face in his hands. "You have nothing to worry about."

"That's what you think." I argued, and he placed my hand on his shoulder, taking my other hand in his. He placed his free hand gently on my waist leaned down to whisper to me.

"Step back." He murmured in my ear, and I hesitantly took a small step backwards, and as I did so, he stepped forward. "Step to the left," And I did as he did as well. "Step towards me," I stepped towards him as he stepped back, "Now step to the right." And I did.

We repeated that over and over again until I got a hang of it, then he began to pull me along with him. Our feet moving in rhyme as we glided along the floor. Soon enough, I was dancing. I did it effortlessly now, and I was able to tear my eyes from my feet to Edward's smothering eyes.

"You're dancing, Bella." He murmured as he twirled me around.

"Yes I suppose so." I whispered, and we continued to slide along with the rest of the couples. Eye gawking at us, but I barely noticed. He picked up our pace slightly, moving our feet quicker to the tempo, and amazingly I kept up with him.

"It's not that bad, now is it?" He asked me, a smug smile on his lips.

I sighed, "This is slow dancing; it doesn't count. Anything other than this, people would be in the ambulance this moment."

He laughed and suddenly the song ended, and a new one played up. One a recognized as You & Me by Lifehouse. We continued to dance, our feet in perfect timing with the song. The lyrics echoing in my head.

"_I can't keep up and I can't back down, I've been losing so much time." _Edward sang in my ear, his beautiful voice drowning out our surroundings. _"Because it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do, nothing to lose, and it's you and me and all of the people and I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you."_

His voice so beautiful, so pure in my ear, as we danced along, and I felt as if no one else was there. The magic of the moments conquered over me, as Edward continued to sing in my ear. Everything felt so right, exactly how it's meant to be. Everything so _perfect. _

All the damages, all the problems that we have lying behind us, are meaningless. They don't matter anymore, it's our past, and we can't do anything about them. We can simply accept it, and move on. Right now, here in Edward's arms, with his voice in my ear, his love in my soul, I don't need anything else.

I love him beyond anything understandable. My soul yearns for him in a way that sometimes scares me. A powerful feeling, a rush almost, filling me up, and sweeping me off my feet. So wonderful, so beautiful, you could cry.

We all need someone like that. Someone who can make your heart, or soul in this case, exhilarate. I don't know if Edward believes we have a soul, but I do, I do because if I didn't , I wouldn't be able to love him like I do. My soul is my heart, or at least my significances of a heart. It needs him, just as I do. If that's not real, than I don't know what is. We need someone who can take your breath away by a single glance, someone who could shatter you to pieces by a one kiss. As crazy and as dangerous as it sounds, we all need someone to break our heart, just so they can repair it again.

And the realization hit me like a load of bricks, I finally truly understand.

If life were picture perfect, everything how it is suppose to be, no problems, no pain, no hate. Then what kind of world would that be?

We experience hate, so we can understand the true meaning of what it means to love. We experience sadness, so we can appreciate that times when we are happy. We cry so that we can laugh. We frown so it can be turned into a smile. We experience pain so we can recognize the things we are blessed with. In other words, all the hate, sadness, all the bad things in the world, are there so we can understand and experience the true peaks of all the wonderful things.

Because if the world was all rainbow and butterflies, no pain at all, then we would know nothing else. We wouldn't truly grasp the wonderful gifts we are blessed with. All the pain Edward and I have conquered made us what we are today. It has opened our eyes to realize how lucky we are to have each other, and how far we have gotten. The damages along the road no longer represent the time where I messed up, it represents a time where I was setting up myself for this very moment, I just didn't know it that time. A time where I did those things and said those words because those very words and things have brought me where I am now.

Little did I know back then when I did those things, I was just setting myself up for the best moment of my entire life.

Edward continued to sing into my ear, and I shut my eyes in pleasure, my feet moving with his without a second thought. To my dismay, the song ended and I opened my eyes.

He stared down at me with love shining in his beautiful emerald of eyes.

"I love you," He breathed, kissing me with such passion that I crumbled.

"I love you, too." And the words spoken from my lips could never be truer.

Our love was once lost…but now it is found.

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**Awh, I have to say, so far, out of all the chapters I've written, this is my favourite. And I think did a pretty good job since I noticed that I only write really well if it's a painful scene. You know the typical hate, pain, sorrow, sort of bit. I'm not really into happy endings…may that be you're warning. This story may just take a darker course….So considering how there wasn't **_**much**_** pain in this chapter, I hope I portrayed their emotions well enough.**

**I'm really sad though because I want to post up my New Year's chapter, since it **_**is **_**New Years Eve tomorrow, but I just don't have time, you know with the whole family stuff going on. Merry late Christmas! And Happy early New Year! **

**Oh and if you guys have some suggestions for fluff, I'm open to ideas. REVIEW PLEASE. **


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey guys what happened? You just stopped reviewing! I got very little reviews for the last chapter, I don't know whether it just sucked or you guys didn't have time. Come on, please review for this one? It was my birthday yesterday so please, please review! **

_**Last Chapter…**_

"_I love you," He breathed, kissing me with such passion that I crumbled. _

"_I love you, too." And the words spoken from my lips could never be truer._

_Our love was once lost…but now it is found. _

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**Bella's POV. Boxing Day**

As Edward and I spent the night in each other's arms, still in our dress clothes, I felt as if the world was started anew. Me in the dress, which is actually quite comfortable. I felt as if though both Edward and I started again, as if we first felt the rush of new found love. Though we have both loved each other for many centuries.

He stroked my hair gently, both of us lost in thought. I stared at his Godlike features. His beautiful face so perfect that anyone would cry, and I would…that is, if I could. His bronze hair messier than usual. He was so perfect…

His eyes suddenly met mine, and I was lost in his bottomless orbs. They searched my eyes and travelled down to my very soul. He saw me; I hold nothing from him, everything I am, is his.

Slowly, never breaking eye contact, he leaned in and kissed me softly. His hands suddenly holding my face in place, my hands running through his hair. He kissed me with such intensity that it would have broken my jaw if I was a human. I don't regret now that I was changed. Because now I have forever with the angel that wandered through my head. The angel that would taunt me; provoking me with its dazzling smile. Telling me it would never be mine, torturing me with the distance. But now, I am perfectly content, because somehow along the way, I managed to snag the angel. And now I lay it its arms. So ha!

"Alice is coming." Edward whispered softly and pulled away from me. I groaned as I heard her footsteps approaching the door.

"Stupid pixie." I muttered and pulled away from Edward as well, sitting up quickly, running my hand through my messy hair.

"Stop whatever it is that you were doing!" Alice called from behind the door. "I don't want to walk in on that."

"We're not doing anything." Edward huffed and ran his hand through his hair, sitting up next to me.

"Sadly." I added quietly, rolling my eyes.

Alice threw the door open and her eyes lit up with excitement, her tiny frame jumping up and down.

"Good morning!" She sang throwing her hands into the air.

"It was," I sighed and stood from the bed and walked over to the drawers to pull out one of Edward's shirts.

"Do you know what day it is?" Alice asked, still bouncing up and down.

"No."

"It's boxing day!" She screeched clapping her hands. "The biggest sales of the _year!"_

"Good to know." I said cautiously, not willing to meet her eyes. I reached in another drawer and pulled out another pair of Edward's sweats.

"Bella!" Alice smacked the clothes out of my hand. "Don't wear Edward's clothes! I have some that could fit you; oh I have a really cute summer dress."

"Alice, its _winter._" I protested, shutting the drawer closed.

"Bella!" She whined again, "Come on, _please _let me dress you? Please, please, please?"

I huffed and sat on the bed next to Edward again. He smiled at me and kissed me quickly.

"Fine." I sighed and shut my eyes.

"Yes!" Alice exclaimed and clapped her hands. "Come on, let's go!"

"Right now?" I asked, my eyes widening.

"Yes right now! If we want to get the best sales you need to be ready-"

"Who said I'm going?!" I exclaimed, suddenly hysterical. She placed her tiny hands on her hips and stared me in the eye.

"Bella would you like to spend the rest of your life wearing my clothes?" She raised an eyebrow, smirking.

"No!" I gasped and stood quickly. "Let's go."

She laughed and walked out of the room. I kissed Edward quickly and ran off after her and into her bedroom.

"Can Edward come?" I asked as she pushed me into a chair in front of the mirror. I stared at my reflection, still awed at my beauty.

"Of course, everyone is." She answered, running into her closet. She ran back out with a dark navy dress with long sleeves and hugged the body, and flared out at mid thigh. It had tiny black button on the top going downwards into the belly button. Beautiful, but far too flashy for Christmas, let alone shopping.

"I'm not going to wear that." I warned, eyeing the dress wearily.

She pouted, "Please? It would look so perfect."

"On a hot summer day!" I objected.

"You're a vampire," She said, rolling her eyes.

"But people don't have to know that." I answered with the same tone, and I thought it was too childish to add a 'duh'.

"Please?" She asked, gripping the fabric. "I haven't gotten to dress you in decades! Please, please, please?"

"Alice," I whined and stomped my foot. "I can't wear that!"

"Why not?" She countered, taking a step forward.

"It's too cold." I argued.

"You'll wear a coat." She hissed taking another step towards me. Boy, could this girl get crazy over clothes.

"I'll attract attention!"I protested, throwing my hands in the air.

"You already _do._" She countered, laughing.

"I…I can't shop in that." I was at loss of excuses, but I still persisted.

"Are you suggesting you _will _be shopping?" She raised her eyebrow and planted her hands on her hips.

"No! But…" I thought quickly, "Edward won't like it."

"Oh yes I do." Edward said suddenly, striding into the room and stood behind me. I glared at him in the mirror and he laughed.

"See," Alice smiled, "You have no choice in the matter."

"But I…" Alice smirked, as if taunting me to continue. "I'm out of excuses, okay, _fine. _I won't like it though."

"You don't need to." She sang and twirled around. "Edward get out of here. It's Barbie Bella time."

I groaned as Alice smirked in the mirror and Edward laughed as he walked out of the room.

"Are you ready?"

"No."

"Suck it up princess, here comes the eye liner."

----

After many hours of grooming and poking, I was _finally _ready to go…shopping. I don't understand how it could take _one hour _to go shopping, but then again you can never understand anything when it comes to Alice. I was in that blue dress, my hair was _curled _for God's sake.

"You're ready!" She exclaimed and sighed as she stared at me. "Perfect."

I dashed out of the room quickly and I heard her yell after me. "Don't mess up you're make I up, or I swear to God Bella I'll…"

I tuned out her voice and laughed. I made my way to Edward's room and I was surprised to find it empty. I stood there for a moment and listened to the house. I heard Alice in her bedroom rummaging through the closet; I heard the words from the TV downstairs, and the faint voices of Jasper and Emmett's argument. I heard Rosalie in the garage, Carlisle in his office, and Esme in her bedroom. I listened more closely and I heard footsteps in my bedroom along with Edward's steady breaths.

I ran down to my bedroom in an instantly and wrapped my arms around Edward Cullen.

"I'm done." I said, my voice muffled by his shirt. He turned around and faced me, his arms wrapping around my waist. He smiled softly and kissed me gently.

"You look beautiful." He breathed, staring me in the eye.

"So you say." I mumbled and leaned my head on his chest. "This is unreasonable though, we're _just _going shopping."

He laughed, "Try telling Alice it's _just shopping._"

I laughed too and stood on my toes to kiss him.

"Enough of that!" Alice snapped from the doorway and Edward pulled away with a sigh. I turned around slowly, keeping my hand in Edward's.

"Let's go!" She sang and ran down the stairs. "Rose!" She yelled, "Rose we're leaving!"

I sighed and Edward pulled on my hand eagerly. "Come on Bella Swan, time to try on some new outfits."

I groaned and ran along with Edward to the front door where Alice was bouncing up and down. She clapped her hands and squealed and ran into her car, Rosalie following behind her. Jasper and Emmett stood at the door, hands in pockets, awkward written all over their faces.

I smirked, "Don't tell me you're trying to get out of this?"

"Shopping isn't really my thing." Jasper said, scrunching his nose.

Emmett grumbled, "All their going to make us do is carry the bags."

"I want to stay too." I added, and sighed.

"_Emmett!"_

"_Jasper!" _

Two high pitched screams came from the car.

"Let's go shopping." Edward added cheerfully. Jasper, Emmett, and I groaned in unison.

"You know Edward," Emmett said, closing the door behind us. "If it weren't for Bella, I swear I'd think you were gay."

Edward glared and Jasper and I laughed.

"It's three against three," Jasper said as we caught up with Alice and Rosalie at their cars. "I say we can take them."

I laughed, "Of course, just play with their hormones for a bit and Emmett and I will make a brake for it."

"Not a chance." Alice said darkly, "Jasper let's go."

She tugged him towards her car and he followed grumbling.

"That pout thing won't work Rose." Emmett said, turning his head away from her. She held his arm and pouted her lip, batting her eyelashes, surely making any human male head over heels for her.

"Please?" She pleaded jumping up and down. "There's something I _really _want to get."

"Then you can get it," Emmett huffed, still avoiding her eyes.

"I'll get you something too," She said seductively, leaning into his ear. "Something _special._"

"Really?" Emmett asked, turning towards her. "Victoria's Secret?"

"If that's what you like."

"Do I get a preview?"

"Wrong! Wrong in many areas! I'm standing right here!" I yelled and covered my ears. I did _not _just hear that exchange.

"You should hear their thoughts." Edward grumbled beside me.

Rosalie and Emmett laughed and started to their car. They all started their cars and pulled out of the drive way.

"You _will _be coming, Bella!" Alice yelled from her car and with that they disappeared along the road.

I sighed and turned towards Edward. "Are you going to try to seduce me now?" I asked him, tilting my head to the side.

He laughed, and held my face in his hands. "Maybe."

I laughed, "Maybe this time I'm able to resist the charm."

"What? The Edward Cullen charm? Never."

"Very true," I whispered and kissed him passionately. His hands wound into my hair and pulled my closer against him, I could taste his breath, so perfect. He doesn't have to be careful with me anymore; this is our new life, our better one.

"Let's go," He breathed as we pulled away. I slowly took his hand and he led me to his car. We pulled out off the driveway and stared for the…mall. Ugh.

"Alice is going to go crazy." I complained, "I have _no clothes, _she probably going to buy me a closet full."

Edward laughed, "Well at least it saves you from moving a finger. We'll hide out at the bookstore if that's what you'd like."

"One problem. I have every book imaginable. I think Alice did that on purpose so I wouldn't be able to buy _more _books; she just threw them in my face so I have no more excuses."

He laughed again, "Good theory."

"That's the only kind I have," I said and leaned my head back against my seat. "I love you."

"I love you too." He replied and grabbed my hand and held it in his. I'll never get tired of that. Never shall I get sick of hearing those words uttered from the lips of the angel. I love him so much. So much that I think it would be impossible to describe. Love, I have no clue what it _is._ I just know that it's here. Right now.

"Do you think we'll get parking?" I asked as we pulled into a packed parking lot. People scrambling from their cars, people screaming to others, people with arms full of shopping bags. "It's like the attack of the killer Alice's from Hell."

He laughed, "I don't think parking will be an issue." I raised my eyebrow, and he pointed.

"Oh my God, the girl is crazy." I gasped as Edward stated to drive towards the sign that read: _RESERVED FOR EDWARD CULLEN AND BELLA SWAN. _Edward stared at it for a moment, and his face twisted into something I didn't understand, as if he was _angry._

"What?" I asked him, reading his face.

"Nothing, I just don't like it."

"Don't like what?"

"Nothing. Looks like you have no excuse now." Edward chuckled as he easily parked into the spot and opened his door. I opened mine and hopped out, tugged at the hem of my dress.

"First," I said as Edward and I made our way through the crowd. "She forces me into this _uncomfortable _dress, next, she drags me _shopping. _People are staring!"

"People always stare Bella." Edward rolled his eyes.

"Not as much as _this." _Everyone's eyes were on us, on our joint hands, on Edward's face, on my chest…

"Bella!" Alice exclaimed "Oh my Lord, _come here._"

I whined, "See I told you she's crazy."

We approached them at the entrance; people flooding pass us, but mostly trying not to come near us. You know vampire and all. Jasper was jumping up and down along with Alice and I raised my eyebrow.

"What happened to Jasper?" I asked cautiously.

"He's drunk on all the energy." Emmett shrugged, "The excitement is too much."

"Oh my," I watched as Jasper twitched every so often and his eyes would widen and he'd gasp for now reason. "Will he be okay?"

"This happens every boxing day." Rosalie rolled her eyes.

I laughed, "Enough talking!" Alice hissed, "Let's go!"

She grabbed my hand and pulled me through the crowd, I sent a pleading glance at Edward, but he only winked.

"Excuse me," Alice said pushing through an elderly couple. "Excuse! Me!"

"Alice!" I scolded, "Stop _pushing _people."

"It's what you do, Bella." She said over her shoulder but still continued to make her way through the crowd. "If you want to get good deals, you need to get in first."

"Move please!" She yelled and pushed by another couple, who stumbled back in surprise.

"Sorry!" I called over my shoulder as they brushed themselves off.

"Rule one Bella." Alice said once we were in the mall, but she still refused to slow down. "Don't apologize, this is _war."_

"We're shopping!" I exclaimed,

"_Exactly_." She purred and then she froze. "Holy frick! 50% off!"

She pulled me towards a crowded store and began to rummage through piles of clothes. I stared in awe as I saw her tiny hand go. She pulled out a blue long sleeved shirt and held it out to me.

"Like this one?" She asked and shoved it towards me.

"Yes," I answer and rolled my eyes. "Can I go find Edward?"

"You're useless!" She yelled and waved me off, her eyes never leaving the clothes. I walked through the crowd looking for the bronze haired angel that stood out from. I found him standing over by the fountain, looking aimlessly around. I ran towards him, making sure I was at human speed.

"She scares me." I whispered as I reached him. And I calmly slid my hand into his, a smile forming on my face.

He laughed and kissed me quickly. A boy are age- well our _physical _age- passed by, eyeing my carefully, and I winked at him, and blushed scarlet and picked up his pace.

"That was mean." Edward whispered in my ear as he wrapped his arms around my waist. "Poor kid didn't see it coming."

I laughed, "Surprises can be healthy. Besides I like to bask in the beauty once and a while."

"You were always beautiful," He commented and rolled his eyes.

I laughed without humour. "Maybe to you."

He sighed and kissed my head gently and I leaned back into him, enjoying the feeling of his arms around me. It's amazing how we can go quickly into a regular life. Well not regular, but _our _life. How we were able to forget the past, and live our days as if none of it has happened. That's a good thing. I love Edward to the depths of my soul, and that's what matters. I remember all my nights alone, all my cries of pain, all the stabbing aches in my chest. Now. Nothing. Nothing but love. My night was filled with Edward, all his love drowning me, but this time, I don't want the air.

"Here she comes." Edward whispered in my ear as Alice emerged from the store, _four _shopping bags in her hands, and I saw Jasper trying to follow after her, _six _bags in his hands.

"Wow…" I murmured, "How much did she buy?!"

Edward chuckled as Alice's head snapped towards us and waved.

"_Excuse me!"_ I heard her yell as she made her way – no _pushed – _her way through the crowd. People stumbled backwards, and some just ran out of the way when they saw her coming. She elbowed a poor sucker in the face, but this was nothing compared to what was coming. A tall man, a very, very tall man, and Alice, being short, was unable to get his attention.

"Hello!" She yelled up at him waving her hands. "People are trying to _shop _here!"

He looked down at her and blinked hard, obliviously amazed by her beauty, he stepped aside and she came shooting through, cursing under her breath.

"People can't just stand around her, and freaking _talk on their cell phones_, when obviously _it's a mall!"_ She ranted as she approached us.

Edward and I laughed and she began to look for Rosalie and Emmett.

"Victoria's Secret." Edward grumbled, answering a unspoken question from Alice.

"Ew," She sighed and placed her tiny hand on her hip. "They have time for _that _later!"

As if on cue, Rosalie and Emmett entered, hand in hand, smiling widely, almost too innocent. Alice glared at them, "Come on, you two have been holding us back long enough."

"It seems to me," I whispered in Edward's ear, "Alice becomes more and more of a parole officer, rather than you're friendly household shopper."

He laughed, "That's Alice for you."

"I can hear you." Alice said her voice flat. Both and Edward and I laughed. We started walking towards a store that had Alice jumping up and down. A metal gate blocked the entrance and stood a guard.

"Why is there someone guarding a shop?" I murmured, hoping I didn't sound stupid.

"When the store gets too crowded they need to keep back a few people to prevent theft and fights." Alice said quickly and she stood in front of the man in black clothes. He was lean and had blond hair; I faintly heard his heartbeat pick up. Alice smiled up at him and batted her eyes.

"You'll have to wait in line, Miss." He said, pointing to the end, which was about thirty people long.

"I can't wait there!" Alice gasped, "Please?"

"Store policy."

Alice grumbled and walked away and I followed after her curiously, someone has let the panther on the loose. She grabbed Rosalie's arm and whispered in her ear, though we were all able to hear it.

"Flash him."

Rosalie's jaw dropped open. "I am not going to _flash _the security guard!"

"You have to!" Alice explained quickly, "I can't wait in that line!"

"Then _you _flash him, damn it!" Rosalie yelled, people started to turn their heads, but a glare from us, they looked away instantly.

"Just…put on a little Rosalie charm." Alice persuaded. Her lips and a pout, almost impossible to resist. Almost.

"I don't think I'm comfortable with this." Emmett mumbled his eyebrows furrowed. I burst out laughing, it was all too funny to handle.

"You don't have to be!" Alice exclaimed. "Rose, please?"

"No," She said sternly and wrapped her arms around Emmett's waist. "Try Bella. She's the one with no back bone."

Alice turned towards me and pouted, Goddamn it. "Bella?"

I stared at her shocked, "No way, Alice."

"Please, please, please?" She whined her eyes pleading me.

"You already have me in this dress, I'd say I've done enough for you."

"Oh come _on _Bella! I'm doing _you _the favour!"

"And how does flashing an oblivious man benefit me?"

"He's gay."

We all turned, shocked, towards Edward who had an amused smile on his face.

"The man is _gay._" He repeated, and choked on a laugh. "I can hear his thoughts, and it's not about Rosalie."

We all burst out laughing expect for Alice who had a frustrated expression her face, her lips in a frown.

"That's a problem." Alice muttered, and then her eyes flashed towards Jasper who watched her wirily. "Jasper?"

I laughed at Jasper's horrified expression. "What do you say we get out of here?" Edward whispered in my ear. I turned towards him and nodded, kissing him gently.

"We're leaving." Edward announced and pulled me towards the exit.

Jasper's eye widened and he sent as a pleading look. "Can I come?"

I laughed and Alice and Edward both yelled, "No!"

"You guys can't leave!" Alice cried, but her eyes never left Jasper, whose face fell.

"You can buy my clothes." I suggested, "Whatever you want."

"Whatever I want?" Her eyes sparkled. "Really?"

"Yes," With that Edward and I both made our way through the crowd, and I constantly felt the eyes of teenagers, and the occasional old man's, eyes on me. We walked towards his car and always being a gentleman, he opened the door for me, a dazzling smile plastered on his face when I slid in. He walked around to the other side, sliding in gracefully. I wondered if that's what he saw me as, if he thought I was graceful too. How could I have scored such a perfect guy? It seems too cliché, too…perfect. And I've learned from experience that nothing is perfect.

"Where are we going?" I asked quietly as he raced through the streets. The cloudy skies having an eerie effect.

"Our meadow."

My insides bubbled with joy, _our _meadow. Not his, not mine, ours. The meadow holds many memories, memories that I was afraid of before. Memories that used to hurt me. But now, it just reminds me how much we love each other. Forever with Edward Cullen sounds more and more appealing each day. Edward drove quickly so we were there in a few minutes, and Edward didn't have to carry me, since I was perfectly capable of keeping up. As we ran I couldn't help but remember the years I spent alone, longing for him. How I had thought he'd moved on, that he hated me. We get so caught up in what we think happened that it blinds us from the truth. Because I've read once, that we believe lies either because we _want _it to be true, or we're afraid it is. I think I was just afraid that Edward _had _moved on that I was too stupid to see he had been waiting for me all those years. I find it hard to believe but I cannot doubt it. Edward was waiting for me too, he loves me.

The meadow filled my vision and I instantly found myself lost in its beauty. Though the flowers were not in bloom, it was still beautiful. There was a beautiful feeling in the air, as if you could _feel _the happiness. The snow had melted long ago, and the ground was dry. The trees were bear but still, it was the most beautiful place on earth. Especially standing next to Edward. He kissed me gently and I felt that familiar warmth spread through me, the same feelings I always get when I kiss him.

"I love you." He whispered into my ear and I felt him pull me closer to him.

"I know," I sighed and shut my eyes, enjoying the feelings of my body against his.

He chuckled and I found myself intoxicated by the sound.

Then, for the slightest moment. I wondered if I was too dependent on Edward Cullen. My whole life centers on him, if he leaves me again. I'll crumble. The very ground taken from my feet, the air taken from my lungs. The love, out of my life. I wondered if this was healthy. That I was putting so much of myself on the line, offering him everything. I know he'll never leave me again but experience has got me to think. If he's gone yet again from my life, I don't know how I'll go on.

"I've been wondering," I said as we sank to the ground, his hand in mine. "What have you been doing for the past few years?"

His eye hardened slightly, but he kept the same crooked grin on his face. "Nothing extraordinary."

I stared at him curiously, and to my amazement, he avoided my eyes. "What is it?"

"It's nothing. Really. That's what my life was. Nothing. Nothing at all." Now the smile was gone, completely and utterly gone.

"You telling me you did _nothing _the past years." I stared him in the eye. "Do you really think I'm going to fall for that Edward Cullen?"

He sighed, "No."

His eyebrows furrowed and his lips turned into a frown. "Then what? It's not like it's a big deal."

"Can't we just focus on now?" He asked desperately. "Focus on the present rather than the past."

"What are you hiding?" I asked him quietly, my imagination getting the better of me. "What's _so _horrible that you don't want to tell me?"

"_Nothing._" He repeated his voice suddenly stronger. "Bella, really. Let it go."

"Let _what _go? You told me _nothing._ Why don't you trust me?" I felt my insides twist with pain, with anticipation to the wreck that was heading our way.

"Why can't you just _listen _for once? And stop being so Goddamn stubborn? When will you open your eyes and realize you're not the only one in this world?" He snapped at me, and I recoiled as if he had hit me. I felt my eyes stinging, though I knew no tears would shed. Pain devoured deep within my chest. I cautiously pulled my hand slowly away from his, flinching when he didn't protest.

"You're in my world," I said quietly, almost pathetically. I pulled my knees to my chest, wrapping me arms around them and I placed my head atop, staring at the blade of grass before me. I noticed I did this a lot. You know, holding myself together. I thought he would be there to help me, but apparently not in this situation. I tried not to let the hurt leak on my face, I tried to show Edward that I had more strength then I let on. But I knew he could tell.

"I didn't mean to upset you." I whispered into my knees and shut my eyes. Praying that when I open them I'll find the Edward that I'm used to. The Edward that loves me. I'm so delicate. I'm so fragile. I'm so _pathetic. _His words can have me falling in an instant. I am _nothing _without him, I am _nothing. _Just say those words he said many years ago, and my world falls into darkness. Even the tiniest trace of cruelty in his voice can have me quivering in pain. It's what happens when you're so hurt. When you were hurt so badly you become _afraid._ So afraid the smallest can scare you.

He stared at me, at first coldly. I couldn't take it. The way he looked it at me, it brought the painful memory of his goodbye. The same unemotional face as the time by my house. I buried my head in my knees and shut my eyes again, hoping I would never see that expression again. Hoping that the love would return back into his eyes. It has to, it just must.

I felt something brush against my cheek, and for a split second I wondered if he was going to hit me. The thought vanished when I felt him gently pull my face up to meet his. And to my relief, I saw the regret and the sorrow in his eyes. He cupped my cheek gently in his hands, his face apologetic.

His thumbed stroked my cheek gently as he whispered. "I'm sorry."

I knew he saw my face twist in pain, I know he could see that. "It's okay."

"No it's not." He held my face firmly in his hands now. And I was afraid. I shut my eyes and tried to keep my bottom lip from quivering, but failed. I bit on it hard. "I just…I just lost myself, I'm sorry. I never should have acted that way."

I felt my body slowly begin to shake, but I begged for it to stop. I didn't want to show him I was weak. I didn't want to show him that had such an influence over me. I felt his hands slide down to my shoulders and he slowly and gently pulled me into him so I was seated nicely in his lap, my head buried under the crook of his neck. I breathed in deeply, hoping his scent would reassure me, but it didn't.

"I'm fine." I whispered, hoping it sounded convincing.

He began to hum the familiar tune of my lullaby in my ear, knowing it's what always calmed me, but it didn't this once.

And so, to my horror, I found myself wondering what secrets Edward Cullen could be hiding.

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**Well that was a short chapter, sorry. Edward has a secret. That's all I'm saying. **

**So ladies! I have a question for you. "What is the most ROMANTIC thing a boy could do to win/prove/show his love for you?" I am willing to take in opinions and make a chapter of your dreams, a date with **_**thee **_**Edward Cullen. Is it a candle light dinner? Is it a walk in the park? A boat ride under moonlight? So really, what can a guy do to with YOUR love? A once in a lifetime fluff opportunity. I'm taking in suggestions!**

**Review it's my birthday. Well was. **


	9. Chapter 9

**Thank you for the reviews! Oh and I am happy to announce that I started a new story, all human, check it out, I think it's worth the time. "These Thin Walls." Seems like the last chapter has you guys thinking, that's a good thing. But if you pay **_**real**_** close attention to a certain area in the last chapter, you'll probably predict what's going to happen in this chapter. Read between the lines. **

**Last Chapter…**

_He began to hum the familiar tune of my lullaby in my ear, knowing it's what always calmed me, but it didn't this once. _

_And so, to my horror, I found myself wondering what secrets Edward Cullen could be hiding. _

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**Bella's POV A Day Later.**

We sat in unbearable silence as Alice flashed in and out of the room, hands filled with clothes. She was stocking my closet, which was now, almost full. Edward and I did not say a word as she entered and exited the room quickly before sighing and twirling in a circle.

"I'm done!" She told us, smiling. I envied her. But for different reasons. Before when I was human, I envied her beauty. Now, I envy her love. How she is so able to trust Jasper to the best of her capability. To be so sure that he loved only her and that they will always be together. I know Edward loves me; it's just, I feel like there is so much that he is hiding from me.

"Thanks, Alice." I whispered, giving her a tiny smile.

She beamed at me and bounded off to find Jasper. Things between Edward and I were different ever since the meadow. I have developed a fear. I'm afraid of him. I don't know if he notices it. I don't know if he even cares. I don't know anything. I am so vulnerable to his touch; he could break me at any moment. Truthfully, I am much more breakable now, than as I was when I was human. As a human the worse he could do is kill me, now the worse he can do is condemn me to the fiery depths of hell. There was a tiny amount of space between us but the silence was filling both of us up. He looked at me, his eyes boring into mine, and I felt the familiar stinging feeling in my eyes, a vampire's way of crying.

He dropped his eyes as soon as the pain flooded in mine. Wincing slightly he didn't say a word. Nor did I. I could hear everything in the house. Every word, every laugh, every joke. But I didn't hear Edward's voice. I had that horrible feeling, you know, that one that feels like you have a million pounds in your chest? Like something is holding you down, at the same time your gut twist with knowing. I hate it, I hate this feeling. It makes me feel weak, so pathetic. It makes me doubt my entire being.

"What are you thinking?" He asked me quietly, and it seemed to me that, that has been his line for the past days. Always asking what's going on in my head because he couldn't read it himself.

"Nothing." I whispered back, looking away. If he was going to lie, I might as well too.

"You've been different," He mumbled, "Ever since the meadow."

I stared at him; shouldn't he know what he did? Shouldn't he realize how much the tiniest things could hurt me so easily? How much control he has over me… "I'm just tired." Lame. Lamest excuse every, lamest _unrealistic _excuse ever.

"Vampires don't get tired." He said, smiling softly.

"This one does." I said, trying to give a convincing smile back. He reached out for me slowly, as if testing the grounds. He took my hand in his, and I couldn't stop my breath from speeding up.

"How come every time I touch you, you hesitate, or you pull away?" He asked, not able to look me in the eye.

"It's just I…" I breathed in deeply; I didn't want to hide my feelings from Edward, not like him. "I just wonder why…why you don't want to tell me. His face twisted in pain ever so slightly and he pulled me onto his lap, and kissed my forehead. I felt so unsafe in his arms. Usually his arms made me feel safe, as if no one could hurt me. But now, the one who took away the pain is the one giving it.

"Bella it is because I have nothing to tell." He said, wrapped his arms around me.

"Yes you do." I whispered, he honestly didn't think I was stupid. "I'm tired of being lied to Edward. I'm so damn tired, if you care _at all _about my sanity, you'd tell me. Right now."

He stared me in the eye, and I saw for the slightest moment something I haven't seen before. I couldn't exactly put a name on it, I just saw it. But his eyes then flooded back with the confusion and pain.

"I swear to you Bella. I'm not hiding anything." He whispered his face so heartbreakingly perfect.

"I just have a feeling," I continued, "I've actually been having a feeling my whole life. You moved on didn't you? It's okay if you did." I told him, it really was okay if he did move on; after all, there was the whole Jacob business. Jacob loved me, that part was obvious, he made it clear that he wanted more than friendship, but I wasn't ready. I was still so stubbornly hanging on to Edward. But I can make no promise of what would have happened if Victoria hadn't come.

"I didn't," He scoffed.

"I understand if you did." I said quietly, I'm not a hypocrite.

He laughed, "Bella I didn't."

I held his face in my hands and stared him in the eye, searching. I searched his eyes, to the very bottom to his soul, and I found no lies. Maybe I was just over reacting.

"Have you only loved me?" I asked quietly, my eyes almost begging. "All your life, all the years you've spent walking this earth, I'm the only one?"

It seemed too impossible, it seemed too good. There had to be someone else. There just had to. After all, what's so special about me? Out of all the vampires, or humans, in the whole world, why me? There are more beautiful, more perfect, vampires out there. Someone who is perfectly perfect for him. Someone who can do the things that I can't. Maybe someone with greater powers than mine.

"I have loved _only _you for my whole life. No one else."

"Swear it on our love." I challenged, I knew this was ridiculous but I just need the reassurance, I just need to make sure. I just need him to promise me. When you're whole life has been built on lies, you need to find some stability once and a while. You need a promise so you know it will never be broken. You need something to keep your sanity together, you need some cushion so when you fall, it won't hurt as much.

He smiled softly and stared me in the eyes; his eyes were mixed with emotions, emotions I didn't have time to understand. First I saw doubt, but as quickly as I saw it, I saw happiness. I saw love.

"I swear it." He said and kissed me gently. And I honestly heard the love in his voice. The way he would say it, I couldn't doubt it. I couldn't make myself doubt it. I don't know whether it's because I'm weak, or because it's true. But let's just say it's the second choice. He loves me. I can feel it, hear it, everything. The love is evidential in his voice, the way it would leak through and entwine in his voice.

Suddenly I felt so stupid of ever thinking such a thing. But truthfully, could you blame me? I have my reasons, hell I have the scars on my heart – soul – to prove it. I have the memories to prove it too. I have the blood on my hands, the screams and begging in my ear, the sight never able to be unseen. Forever will it haunt me.

"Okay," I whispered and wrapped my arms around his body and kissed his neck. "I love you."

"As I love you." He replied and kissed my temple. We stayed like that for a while, wrapped in each other's arms. I felt the tension wash away with our promise. It was sealed. Edward loves me, only me. I think my doubt caught up with me, and caused me delusional moments or something. I really don't know. But then again, how much _do _I know?

"For the past years," He started, staring off into the distance. "Well, truthfully. It was nothing. No meaning. I mean of course I still had my moments, but everything it was just so…dull. I actually thought of going to the Volturi once and a while, relieving my pain. But I could never do that to Esme, I hurt my family enough, I didn't want to hurt anyone anymore. I was very close to traveling to Volterra in Italy."

"I remember you telling me about them," I answered quietly. "Who are they exactly?"

"One of the most powerful coven of vampires. They have powers and they recruit new ones, mostly newborns with amazing powers. They are sort of the…rulers of the vampire world. I know it sound all cliché, but they make sure that the peace is never corrupted. Though I cannot say I approve of their methods, but if you anger them, I don't think it's possible to be kept alive. "

"So you were going to _kill_ yourself?"

"Thought about it." He corrected and stroked my cheek soothingly. "Did you honestly believe that I would continue living a life where you weren't in it?"

"At the time." I whispered and dropped my eyes.

"My life without you," He said thoughtfully, tightening his arms around me, and resting his head on my shoulder. "Varied from suicidal thoughts, to suicidal actions, to stupid actions, then back to suicidal ones. Honestly, I can't say that I did much."

I sighed and leaned back into him, playing with his hair. "I wish I could say the same."

He remained in silence for a short while. The words that were said sinking into us. The atmosphere calm and soothing. I felt right. I felt peaceful.

"You know," He said quietly, "We haven't hunted in a very long time."

"Oh yeah." I said. The thirst never really bothered me. Not when I was so drunk on our love.

"Want to go now?" He asked me, stood up, offering his hand to me. "I'm sure this will be interesting."

"I'd love to." I replied cheerfully. "Let's go hunt some lions."

He laughed and we ran out the door. So we ran hand in hand, and this time I was sure that he loved me. There was no more doubt in my heart, nothing but love.

**Edward's POV.**

_I hate myself._

**New Years Eve. **

**AN: I'm sorry if this is abrupt but I have been desperately wanting to write this part, and I have nothing else to fill in and I hate writing hunting scenes, but I will eventually, but not right now.**

**Back to Bella's POV**

"FIVE MINUTES!" Alice screeched and handed me a glass full of red liquid. I sniffed it and realized it was grizzly. She winked at me and went to find Jasper.

New Years Eve.

A new year with Edward.

We were all on a cruise, in the main diner. Of course the other humans around us were staring at us, but this moment was too perfect to care. Alice insisted that we all go on the New Year Eve cruise, and I have to admit, it was worth it. Outside the window I could see the far lights of Forks, and above me the sky was full of stars, not a usually thing here in Forks. I wondered, as I stared out into the town I had spent my human years in, if people there could experience love the way I do. If they had someone who loved them like Edward loves me, I wonder if _anyone _could love each other more than Edward and I do. It seems impossible.

The ship was decorated with blue and silver, everything twinkling. Lights hung above us, shining and twinkling, but were nothing compared to the stars. All the humans had wine in their hands, and Alice somehow managed to sneak in the grizzly blood for us. How that girl got it passed security, I will never understand. I felt waves rock against the ship, but I had no protest. The ocean was so beautiful, the type of beauty that cannot be tamed, the type of beauty you can never really understand, the kind that entices you and lures you into it. The kind you can spend hours staring at it, because it never really stays the same. The kind that is constantly moving and if you're not fast enough, can change completely by a blink of an eye.

A large TV was set up so everyone could see the countdown, the screen flashing 4:12 more minutes left of this year. I could see the people gathered around Times Square, starring eagerly at the ball that was yet to be dropped. Everyone's faces so beautifully lit up with joy and excitement, a time of the yea you couldn't be sad at. Except for me of course. Some people see a New Year as a new chance at opportunity, a new year bringing new things. But for some others, those different types of people. They see it as the end of another year. An end to the year where maybe you had your first child, maybe where you had your first kiss. And suddenly it seems as if life is passing too fast, as if you don't have time to cherish in the moment. I'm not one of those people, I would have been if I was still human, but I'm not. I have forever, never will it end, and never will I die. I will remain like this forever; the possibilities will forever remain open to me. It's hardly fair, if you ask me. But of course no one will.

Esme was standing with Carlisle, whispering in his ear. Their love for each other obvious, sometimes I forget how much they really do love each other, and how fate brought them together and gave them this beautiful family. They were too much of a mother and father to me to remember that they too, loved each other as Edward and I did. Rosalie looked just as stunning as ever, wrapped in the arms of Emmett. Men eyeing her carefully but were instantly scared away by a single glance at Emmett, so protectively holding her against him. But she didn't seem to mind. Not at all. She seemed as if she was in perfect bliss in the arms of the love she so luckily stumbled upon.

Then there was Alice and Jasper. When you look at them, you feel the need to look away, though they were only holding hands, the love between them was evidential. The way he would smile down at her told me that she was his very world, and the way she would return that smile, told me the same. They way Jasper was able to calm Alice with a single touch, truly a perfect match. I wondered if that's what people saw when they look at Edward and me. I wondered if people could see the love radiating off our faces. Even now, with his arms around me, I wondered if the humans around me could tell we were hopelessly in love with each other. I wondered if they could tell by the way my eyes would shine when I look at him, that I love him with all my soul. If they could see the struggles we have faced to get to this moment.

I smiled and leaned against Edward, and waited as the New Year approached us. A New Year filled with love. A New Year where I won't be alone. A year where I will be loved and cherished. A year filled with new experiences and moments to live through, new boundaries to explore and conquer, and new problems to overcome. New laughs, new smiles and hugs. This year I won't be deceived by the lies, this year my eyes are open to the truth. The truth that Edward loves me. For the first time in many years, I will have Edward beside me to cherish in all the good times, and to comfort me in the sad. To create new memories together, to find new joys, and to challenge the unknown.

Sure, I had my doubts, my lack of trust. But that all melted away for this very moment. Right now I could not doubt a single thing around me.

"Come here," He whispered and tugged on my hand, leading me to the balcony. His eyes had the mysterious sparkle again. The kind that makes you question yourself.

"We can't leave," I commented, thinking about Esme, though I didn't mind a bit. Both he and I put out drinks on a nearby counter, just hoping that some drunk human wouldn't think of drinking it. They would be in for quite a surprise.

"It's not like we're leaving, we'll just be outside." He said and pulled on my hand once more. I looked at Esme, wondering if she wanted us to stay, but she only smiled and waved. Actually, everyone looked quite happy, not at all minding that we were missing the countdown with them. They were all beaming at me, like they had a dirty secret, but before I had time to question it, Edward pulled me outside, closing the door behind us.

We stepped outside on the balcony of the ship, the waves crashing beneath us. He led us to the railing and wrapped his arms around me, my dress swayed in the wind, along with my hair. I felt so content in his arms, I felt so warm. No one was outside with us, it was too cold for humans, but we didn't have to worry about that. I looked up and stared at the beautiful sky. Filled with bright stars and the most beautiful moon. It glowed so perfectly, the perfect end to the year, and the perfect beginning to the new one. The way the moon would light against Edward's perfect face, was priceless.

"Ten!" I heard everyone cheer, behind me. People raising their glasses in the air, couples in each other's arms."Nine! Eight! Seven!"

"Six, five, four." Edward whispered in my ear as we stared out to sea, the most perfect moment. The water looked as if it could go on for millions and millions of miles, as if it never had an end. I smelt the calming salty air, and shut my eyes as a gust of wind blew in my hair, filling me with such peace I thought it was impossible. It felt all so right. Goodbye year. Goodbye pain.

"Three, two." I chanted along with him, and I felt as if I could cry. Tears of joy. We have been through so much, and as we start this New Year together, I know it will only be the first to the addition of years that are set to come. Our love – just like the ocean – is endless. Full of adventures and ups and downs, but its bottomless depths are what matters. No matter what, it will take such an extreme force to break this between us. Our love is a promise, a promise both he and I have made for each other. A promise that will never shatter, never will it be broken. Our love is everlasting, and I only hope that this year will bring the start of memories of those to come. Eternity doesn't seem to long anymore, no, I am looking forward to it. Because this time. I'll be ready.

"One."

The sky exploded with color and sound as the fireworks shot up into the sky. Brilliant colors filling my vision, everyone screamed and cheered. People laughing and clinking glasses. Edward pulled me to him and kissed me gently. Our lips moving as one, as everyone cheered behind us, the fireworks booming above us, the water crashing beneath us, the love inside of us.

"I love you." I whispered as we pulled away and clutched on to him. "So, so much."

"I love you more." He answered and kissed me again.

"Impossible." I managed to protest. I felt my eyes stinging, but this time, from joy. Sometimes I wish I could cry just so I could express how happy I am. My hands tangled into his ran and I felt him pull me closer. We broke apart to stare up at the clash of color above us. I watched as color filled the sky, patterns and shapes. Suddenly words formed in the sky. The fireworks broke into letters, and it read:

_Open the box, Bella. _

I looked frantically at Edward, wide-eyed, he smiled at me, and handed me a small black box. He placed it in my hands, and I felt the smooth soft cover. I heard people murmuring, pointing up at the sky, wondering who this mysterious Bella was, and what kind of boyfriend she must have.

I opened the box slowly, my eyes prepared for what I knew what was inside. This was it, this moment would be the very moment I have been hoping for. I felt a million pounds on my chest as I opened the box.

It was empty.

I felt disappointment wash over me, I had been caught up in the moment, and my insides were suddenly crushed. I stared up at him curiously, wondering what he was up to. He just smiled at me and stroked my cheek. Where was the ring? He laughed cheerfully at the expression on my face, my lips parted slightly, and panic in my eyes.

Suddenly, a new sound filled my eyes. I turned my head, and saw through the glass windows, a man playing the piano. But not just any song. My Lullaby. The crowd instantly hushed and listened to the beautiful melody weave through the crowd. It played through the speakers as well, and I suddenly heard the voice of an angel.

"Bella," Edward said, and his voice echoed throughout the boat, and I wondered where the mike was, but I couldn't focus on anything else but his beautiful voice. "I have spent many years loving you. Loving every single thing about you. The first day I met you, was the start to it all. The day where you stumbled so beautifully to the seat next to me, at the first the feeling of the moment got to me, but at the back of my mind, I thought to myself, 'wow, what a beautiful girl.'" I knew he wanted to say more if it weren't for the human ears that were listening. I felt my insides clench up and my eyes water, though I knew I couldn't really cry. "I tried to convince myself it wasn't worth my time, that you could do so much better without me, that you're safety was the most important thing. But I couldn't. This beautiful girl with the brown hair and the overwhelming eyes mesmerized me. So, I got the nerve to talk to you. The way your voice would ring so beautifully, so purely, I knew I was a goner. That there was no power in this world that could remove me from your side."

He held my hands in his, the box between our hands, and his eyes gazed deep into mine as he continued on. "As I talked to you, I learned about you. Not only were you beautiful, but you were smart, you were kind. You were _very _clumsy. And so, somehow in my twisted, ironic way, I managed to get the clumsy brown haired girl to fall for me. And I felt as if my world suddenly brightened up. My life suddenly had reason, suddenly had a reason I want to live. I had someone I wanted to impress, someone I wanted to love. Someone who I could spend the rest of my life with me."

I stared up at him, biting my lip, trying to control the sobs that wanted to escape. From the corner of my eye, I saw people staring at us, some with tears in their eyes, other eyeing me with jealousy, but I didn't care about them. Not in this whole world could compare to the man who stood before me this moment.

"Then I went and did the most stupid, most horrible thing. I made a terrible mistake that caused both of us many years of unnecessary pain. But somehow, fate has brought us back together. I have given you wounds I know that cannot be forgotten, and for that I am truly and utterly sorry. I know that I've given you memories that will haunt you, but please, remember I am always here for you. I will always be there to chase them away and create new, happier ones. Everyone moment I have with you, is a blessing. Each time you look at me, I get the same feeling I got when I first met you. As we start this New Year, I want you by my side, but as something so much more. I want everyone to know that you and I have a love that cannot be broken. I want to start this year with you as my wife. Bella, with my whole self, with every part of me I love you. I want everyone to look at your hand and see the ring there, and know that you are taken, know that there is a man out there who loves you so much. I want you to wear this ring around your finger as a reminder that I will always love you, love you and only you. Would you do me the honour, of being my wife?"

With that, he bent down to one knee, and held out the most beautiful ring. My hand flew to my mouth, my bottom lip trembling with emotion. I looked behind him at the beautiful family of vampires, all smiling at me, and they way they did, I knew I was so much more to them then I could understand. Esme with her motherly love, I knew that was something I could not find anywhere else. Carlisle with his knowing and understanding mind, the kind of person you can ask any question in the world, and know they have an answer to. Jasper, with his serene calming ways, the way you can feel so at ease by his side, powers or no powers. Alice with her sisterly love, the way she can bring cheer into your life so easily, the way you just have to return one of her smiles. Emmett, with his protective, cheerful spirit. The type who, by a single glance, can have the hairs at the back of your neck standing. But by a single hug, can make you insides melt into mush. Then there Rosalie, with her high, beautiful character. Though she doesn't like me, at least not totally, I feel as if we are closer than we were before. That both she and I can relate to what it's like to be alone. And I think that's what's bringing us closer. Then I turned my attention back down to the man who knelt in front of me, the most beautiful smile on his face. I thought of his loving ways, the way he would speak so adoringly into my ear, the way he can make my soul shatter to pieces with a single smile. The man who has captured my dead heart.

"Yes," I breathed, and I heard my voice echo throughout the ship, people began to cheer and clap as he slid the ring on to my finger as if it was made to fit there. Fireworks exploded above, expressing the new joy in the air. I stared up at them with tears in my eyes, they exploded with such color and emotion that I knew I had in my life. I faintly heard Alice's squeals in the crowd and I smiled as Edward stood and captured me in a passionate kiss. Now, was I not only kissing Edward, I was kissing Edward, my fiancé.

"I love you Bella, my wife-to-be." He whispered in my ear as he pulled me in for a hug. He held my tightly against him and I felt so perfect in his arms. All the troubles we had earlier all faded away into a memory. I can't doubt him ever again. And this ring represents it. The ring is our promise. The ring on my finger is the truth, the bond between us, the link that keeps us together. The fate that always has us entwining. I thanked the Lord for the man who held me now. Though I was never really religious, and I never really believed in a God. But I believe that someone out there is planning our life, and that person or being, has brought Edward and I together again. I remembered when Edward and I had that conversation all those years ago. About an afterlife, if us soulless creatures had a chance at one. But we do, because we have souls, we have good in us. I never really believed in that stuff, the bible, God, the church. I really don't know. I just know that _something _brought us together.

He pulled away from me and kissed me again before leading me back into the ship where we were greeted with cheers and smiles, we smiled at them graciously, and made our way to our family who waited for us.

"Congratulations." Alice yelled and managed to jump on the both of us. "Oh I just _knew _it!"

I laughed and hugged my sister back. "Thank you."

"It's about time." Emmett said and smiled.

And really, it was. Edward and I both deserve our happily ever after. After all the years we've spent apart, we need this as our link, as our security. And as I wore the ring on my finger.

Our promises were locked.

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**I know, I know. Short huh?**

**Well I just really wanted to get this out. I wanted to proposal off my chest. And be assured, NO it's NOT over. Barely over. Danger is soon approaching. I tried to fit in everyone's suggestion on what a guy could do to win someone's love. I did the love in voice, the written in the sky, the speech, well not the **_**exact **_**speech. My speech. Haha, I'm so mushy. Just another squishy jello =)**

**REVIEW!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Thank you for the reviews! Haha, sorry for such late updates, its just school is picking on me! I'm behind in all my subjects1 Then I decided to have a Grease marathon, watching it over and over again, I love that stuff. Never gets old! **

**Last Chapter. **

_And really, it was. Edward and I both deserve our happily ever after. After all the years we've spent apart, we need this as our link, as our security. And as I wore the ring on my finger. _

_Our promises were locked. _

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**Bella's POV. Two Days Later (January 2****nd****) **

Edward and I sat in the living room. He held my hand in his, occasionally stroking the diamond on my finger that stared up at me and reminded me of Edward's love. I can't doubt him, not ever again, when I wear this ring on my finger, I just can't. Every time it catches my eye I remember how much he loves me, and I remember our promise. Alice sat across from us, smiling at me widely. And I eyed her suspiciously, ever since the night of the cruise – which was two days ago - she seemed to avoid the topic of my wedding, which surprised me. Her being…well being Alice, I imagined her with one of those wedding books in hand, asking me my opinion on napkins which look exactly alike, you know that eggshell and cream types of whites, the typical bridal cliché that you watch on TV. But _nothing, _not even a single word from her. She just kept smiling at me like the fool she is.

"Well?" I asked her uncertainly, glaring at her for a moment. I felt an eerie feeling in the air, as if I was waiting for her to self destruct.

"Well what?" She asked innocently, smiling at me, batting her little eyelashes.

"Aren't you going to ask me?" I insisted, though why I was encouraging this, I'll never know. I suppose the sooner we get this out in the open, the sooner I can forget about it.

She shrugged her shoulders and stared at me innocently. "I know my time limit."

"And when is that?" I asked, raising my eyebrow.

"You want your wedding in May so the flowers and the trees are bloomed." She said simply, smiling wider. "This only leaves me about _five months. _Which I suppose is enough time, five months, I can do that."

I glared at her, and Edward laughed, pulling me closer against him. "Am I wrong?" Alice challenged, laughing as well.

"No," I grumbled, looking away from her pouting.

She smiled triumphantly and clapped her hands. "You want a spring wedding held in the meadow with all the flowers, you want me, Esme, and Rosalie as you're bridesmaid, and you want a veil with – "

"Alice!" I hissed, stopping her. She was dead on, my exact dream wedding. I mean, of course I never thought of getting married, but a girl has her fantasies ones and a while, I mean what girl hasn't at least _thought_ about their wedding?

She smiled again. "Oh Bella! Come; let me show you the dress I want you to wear."

"But it's so far from now." I sighed, leaning my head on Edward's shoulder. "We have a lot of time."

"No we don't!" She snapped and stood up. "There are flowers, music, guests, food – don't worry no _humans _will be attending – but I thought it would be nice with a few mountain lion blood here and there. We need dresses, hair, make-up, shoes, oh and thank God you didn't want it indoors, or we'd never find a place. I like the meadow idea though, especially the cherry blossoms I think that would have a nice effect. After that we need to find honeymoon, hotel, the money, but I don't think that's a problem, then there's the invitations that need to be sent, then they need to reply then we need to reply to their reply, then –"

"Let's go." I said to Edward as Alice continued to rant. I stood up taking his hand and began to walk upstairs to my bedroom. Well, technically my bedroom, though I was barely in there.

"Where are you going?!" Alice shrieked, throwing her hands in the air. "I'm discussing weddings with you!"

"What have I done?" I groaned and shook my head.

Edward laughed and kissed me gently. "You've agreed to be my wife."

I smiled at him and walked up the stairs, ignoring the shrieking Alice behind us. Mrs. Bella Cullen…Bella Swan Cullen…Bella Cullen. As much times as I test it out, it sounds so right, as if it was made to be that way. I never thought marriage would be an option for Edward and I, I mean, I had my thoughts when he first met me, that _one _day we'd get married. But of course those shattered when he…left, and now, it never came to me that we'd have a chance of it now. I mean, I know we had eternity, but…

"I love you," I whispered to him as we entered my bedroom/library. I grabbed a book quickly and ran up to Edward's room, Edward's following after me. I landed on his golden bedand curled up into his side as he sat beside me, leaning back against the headboard. I adjusted myself so I was seat nicely on his lap my head on his chest, his arms wrapped so firmly around me. I breathed in his luscious scent and shut my eyes, leaning into him more.

"Why?" I asked him quietly, flipping my book closed.

"Why what?" He asked gently, his hand reaching to my face, lightly stroking my cheek.

"I thought you never wanted marriage, or that you never really considered it an option. Why now?"

He chuckled and turned my head upwards towards him so I was staring into his eyes. "Because I love you." He looked away for a moment, biting his lip, something he never did. He looked back at me and said, "I want you to be my wife, I can't introduce you as my soul mate, but I can introduce you as Mrs. Cullen. I want the rings on our fingers so we can always remember that we're tied to each other. I just want you at my side for the rest of my life, as my wife. As my other half."

I smiled and snuggled up against him, "You didn't have to make a speech of it again. A simple 'I love you' would do."

He smiled, "I love you."

I laughed and kissed him. "I love you more."

He just shook his head and hugged me gently to him; it felt so perfect how we're entwined in each other's arms. "We have a new year together." He said, "Any plans?"

"Just to marry you." I replied playing with his fingers.

"Of course," He smiled and pressed his cheek against my hair.

**One Month Later (I know! Abrupt again! My apologies!)**

"Reach higher!" Edward said from under me and I reached towards my book which so happened to be stuck up in the hanging lamp. You know, those bowl-like lamps, why it's a bowl, I'll never understand. Edward was annoying me, so I threw my book at him, which landed up here. So now, here I was sitting on Edward's shoulders.

"Gah!" I exclaimed as I lost my balance and fell backwards towards the bed. Edward laughed and fell backwards with me.

"Why'd you have to throw your book up there anyways?" He laughed.

"You annoyed me." I grumbled. "Can't you use your vampire powers and climb up the wall to get it?"

"I'm not Spiderman." He teased. "I can't climb walls."

"Can't you just run _really _fast up the wall?"

"You want me to run into the wall?"

"Just a thought."

"A bad one."

"_Alice!"_ I yelled, standing up. "_Alice!"_

"Yup?" She asked from the doorway, smiling. I pointed up at the light.

"Help?"

She laughed and stood under the hanging light. She bent down and swiftly jumped up on my shoulders unexpectedly.

"Alice!" I yelled and fell over.

She jumped off my shoulder before I fell and reached into the lamp, gracefully grabbing my book. "Here you are." She handed it to me.

"It's on fire!" I exclaimed and she instantly dropped the book. "How the hell did that happen?"

She stomped on the flame until it was out and by that time Edward was roaring with laughter. "Heat from the light."

"Ugh." I muttered and picked up my burnt copy of _Wuthering Heights. _"I need a new one."

"How'd it get up there in the first place?" She asked and rubbed the blank marks on her heels.

"Ask Edward." I grumbled and she laughed.

That's a typical day here. My life so simple, yet so beautiful. The month passed all too quickly, and thank God, Alice didn't bug me with wedding plans. Only four more months until the wedding, _four months_…

"Wedding time!" Alice exclaimed twirling in circles.

"I knew it was too good to be true." I sighed and sat down on the bed with Edward.

"Bella!" Alice whined. "Please, please, please help me plan _your _wedding!"

I sighed and looked up at Edward who smiled at me gently. "You should help her."

I huffed and stood up again, pouting at him. "I just knew you'd both team up on me."

Alice squealed and grabbed my hand and dragged me to her bedroom. "Come on!" She said and forced me into her bedroom, shutting the door behind us. Jasper was lying on the bed, his nose in a book, and if I were human I would have been tomato red. He looked up at us and smiled at me. I huffed and sat at the edge of the bed next to his foot.

"Hey Bella," He murmured, and then looked at Alice who was pulling out dresses from within her closet, her _room _I should say.

"Hey," I replied flatly, and he grinned.

"What's got you down?" He asked, sensing my mood.

"My book just burned."

He laughed and shook his head as Alice strode into the room, black bags in her hand.

"What are you reading?"

"_Inferno._" He replied slowly, shutting the book slowly.

"By Dante Alighieri?" I exclaimed and turned myself around to face him. I heard Alice sigh with frustration, but I didn't care.

"I told you not to read around her, Jasper." Alice scolded her husband, and he sighed.

"Sorry dear." He replied and winked at me.

"Have you read _Purgatorio?" _I asked him, "I've read _Paradiso_ but not _Purgatorio_, but I have to say _Inferno _is the best."

"I agree, The Divine Comedy is my favourite, I've read the Italian version."

"You know _Italian?_" I gasped, "I only have the translation."

"I can get you the original co – "

"_Please," _Alice whined, "Stop talking about books!"

I looked at her, and smiled.

"You'd wonder," Jasper continued. "If it's true."

"If what's true?" I asked, turned back to him. I saw Alice pout behind me, and I only grinned, this was fun.

"If there _is_ a Hell, or Purgatory." He said, "Or a Paradiso, and if we have a chance at it."

"You've been talking to Edward haven't you?" I raised my eyebrow suspiciously.

He laughed, "Only a little bit. But _Inferno _got me thinking, do you think _we'd _go there when we die?"

"Well, hell is hell, I don't know what to expect."

"I never knew you were into Mythology." He commented, "Thought it was all classics for you."

"Oh my God," Alice said and buried her head in her hands. "You guys are killing me."

I laughed and turned to her. "Okay Alice." I sighed, "Give me your worse."

She beamed and pulled out a low cut white bridal gown, there was beading all along the hem line and the waist line and flowed downwards towards the floor.

"What do you think?" She held it out to me, "I really like the beading and the cut."

I looked at the dress, "Can't you just tell me which dress I'm going to chose?"

"That's the problem!" She explained, "You haven't made up your mind!"

I looked at the dress again, planting my hands on my hips. "It not exactly what I had in mind."

She nodded and put it back in its bag, zipping it quickly. She opened another bag and pulled out a similar dress, only it was strapless and had a blue band at the waist, tying into a bow at the back.

"For this one, you'd have to wear a strapless bra or no bra at all. I don't think Edward would mind." She said smiling at me.

I scoffed. "Oh please,"

"I'm serious Bella. How do you know how far things will go on the honeymoon?"

I laughed without humour. "I doubt it."

"Why?"

"Edward doesn't…I mean, I don't think. Well I don't know. But I don't think it's like that."

"You have _no idea _little sister." She said rolling her eyes. "That boy could jump you anytime he wanted; he's just trying to be a gentle man about it. The whole virginity predicament, no sex before marriage crap for him. But of course when you _are _married, that won't apply anymore." She winked and I glared at her.

Jasper coughed and stood up, taking his book with him. "I think this is a private conversation."

"No you can stay." Alice said reassuringly. "We're just talking about Bella's nonexistent sex life."

"_Alice!" _ I hissed and clenched my hands.

"Ah, no. That's okay…I'm going to go…find Emmett and go do some guy stuff." He muttered and walked out the door. I stared after him longingly, wanting to escape myself. Alice turned to me and put the dress back.

She pulled out another one with two thing straps and a reasonable cut. It had beading on the chest to the hip line. Silver lining along the top and the hip, it glittered under the light and flared out from the hip. My eyes widened and slowly reached out to the dress, taking it in my hands.

"Oh my God." I breathed and held the dress up so I could see it clearly.

Alice clapped her hands and jumped up and down. "Try it on! Try it on!"

"I'm not going to _try it on_." I laughed, "It's not till five months and Edward will probably just read your mind."

"_Please!" _She begged, "I want you to wear it so I can test which hair style would look best."

"But it's _four _months from now."

"You have no idea how fast time flies. I had these on _hold _for like _months_. Four months is barely enough time. I already gave you your first month as a break, its hell from now on!" She said and took my hand. "Please? Just try it on."

"Fine," I whispered and she led me to her bathroom, helping me into my wedding gown. She zipped me up and fixed the straps. I looked up at my reflection in the mirror, and instantly fell in love with it. The dress was so beautiful; it would fit so perfectly…I imagined myself walking down the meadow, flowers in my hand, my dress swaying in the wind. The man who waited so perfectly for me at the end, the man who I soon would call husband. The man who I love so much.

"You look beautiful." Alice murmured, and turned me around. "Perfection at its best."

I twirled around once and sighed. "I love it."

"Oh Bella!" She hugged me tightly. "You're getting _married._"

I beamed as she gently placed me in a chair in front of the mirror, angling my head. She emptied her bag in front of me, filled with hair brushes; make up, pins, hair ties, and a bunch of things I couldn't identify. She brushed my hair slowly, starring at my reflection in the mirror.

"Married to my brother," She whispered, and twisted my hair up into a messy pony tail.

I dropped my eyes and bit my lip. "How did Jasper purpose to you?"

She smiled at me and took out her curling irons. "Being the old fashion man he is, it wasn't as extravagant as yours. But it was perfect. Just perfect."

She began to curl my hair, her eyes on her work, and I watched her through the mirror, the question burning my tongue. "Alice?" I whispered, biting my lip. "What happened when Edward left me?"

She froze for a moment, and I automatically did as well. Her hands paused in midair, one with a curler, another with a lock of my hair. Her eyes flashed to mine in the mirror, her eyes wide.

"Why hasn't he told you?" She asked quickly and continued on with her work, her expression hard to read.

I bit my lip again. "Nothing. It's just I asked him and he was very tense. But I trust him; I'm not saying I don't. I just want your opinion on it."

"Well," She said quietly, spraying something on a part of hair. "I wasn't with him all the time."

I watched her closely; her face was tense and her hands shaking slightly. "Why?"

"The pain." She murmured and took out pins, holding the curls in place. "It was too much for Jasper to be around, so we moved out for a while." She began to brush a lock of my hair slowly, her eyes clouded.

"Was it that bad?" I whispered, "Why am I always the one tearing apart your family." I muttered to myself. She froze and I heard the brush snap in her hands and it fell to the ground.

"Don't you _ever _say that!" She said angrily, and my eyes widened. "Don't even _think _that way."

I nodded mutely, her anger something new to my memory. "You are family." She explained irately. "_Edward _took you away from us."

"He did it for the best." I whispered eyes wide.

She screamed in frustration, a high pitch scream. And I flinched, as she glowered at me. "I can't believe you actually _deluded _yourself to actually _believe _he did it for the best he – "

"I know it wasn't the _best_." I explained. "And I should have every right to hate him. But I can't Alice. Edward and I already went over this. He loves me. I forgave him."

"Just because you forgave him doesn't mean you have to lose your rights. How dare he?!"

"Alice it's the past!" I said quickly. "It's over."

"It's never over Bella." She hissed, "Until the fat lady sings. Or in this case, the repulsive little _bastard!_"

"Alice!" I yelled, "Stop it!"

"He hasn't told you have he?" She asked, breathing loudly. "He didn't _tell _you!"

"Tell me what?" I asked wearily. I gulped and waited for her response. She didn't answer me and just stared me, anger, pain, and pity all mixed into one. "He told me he left because he thought he wasn't good enough. That he was sorry. I mean how can I doubt that Alice? I trust him. With my whole soul I trust him."

"What did he say to you?" She asked harshly. "Tell me what he said!"

"Just that he spent his years depressed, that he still lived but he was hurt and –"

"That's _it?_" She insisted. And I nodded mutely.

Her face softened only slightly and she unclenched her fists. "If there's ever anyone to blame, it wouldn't be you."

I examined her expression through the mirror, and she looked frustrated and angry, working furiously at my hair.

"Who's to blame?" I asked her slowly, playing with my hands. "If not me, then no one else."

"Blame _him!_" Alice hissed, her hands working faster at my hair, curling strands angrily. "He's the one left you, _he's _the one who tore apart this Goddamn family, took you away from us. I mean who does he think he is?!" I had a feeling she wasn't talking to me anymore, that there was a deeper meaning to her anger, but I didn't dare interrupt her rant. "He finally finds you then he delusions himself to actually _consider _that you'd be better off without him. He freaking _crushed _our family, then succumbs into some like _depression stage_. Forcing Jasper and I to leave! Then when he gets the nerve to _live _again! He goes and hooks up with…"

"Alice!" I yelled as she yanked out some of my hair, it didn't really hurt, but still _my hair! _"You pulled my hair out!" She stared at the lock of brown hair in her hand and threw it in the trash, brushing her hands.

"Sorry." She muttered.

I sighed and met her eyes. "I'm sorry for bringing it up."

She shook her head sadly. "It's just, he cause so much unnecessary pain. To you, to me, to Esme, to _himself_. He lied to you when he left! He actually said he didn't love you. He let you just _live _thinking _we _didn't care!"

"At least it's all good now." I insisted, "At least there's no more lies here."

Her eyes darkened to pitch black and her expression deadly. "You trust him whole-heartedly?"

"Yes," I said automatically. "I do."

"Well don't." She snapped and sprayed something around my head.

"Why?"

"Wait here." She said quickly and turned to walk out of the room.

"Where are you going?" I asked her quickly.

"I'm going to have a chat with Edward." She said and closed the door behind me.

I sat there fumbling with my fingers, wondering what new burden I have caused this time.

**Alice's POV**

How the hell can he _do _that to her?

I warned him, I freaking _warned _him! He did it _again; _he's hurting her _again, _only this time, she doesn't know it. No, not yet. It'll come for her though, it's waiting to strike. Just like that stupid, lying, grieving, _bastard!_

"_Edward!" _I screamed and pushed down the door to his bedroom, and sat up quickly, putting whatever he was going down. "You _asshole!"_

He took a step back, "What did I do?"

"You know perfectly what you did!" I spat, taking a step towards him. "You know exactly what you're doing to Bella."

His face paled, if that was possible. And he dropped his eyes, taking a deep breath. "I'm not doing anything."

I screamed and jumped at him and he fell backwards and I held him down. "You're _lying _to her!"

"I'm not." He mumbled, looking away. "I haven't lied."

"Yeah," I said sarcastically. "You're only hiding the truth."

He opened his mouth then shut it quickly. "No."

I laughed without humour. "Then well me why Bella believes all you did your life was grieve over her. You know _exactly _what you did when you left her. You know what happened. Why aren't you telling her?"

He sat up and pushed me off him. "I can't."

"_Why?"_ I moaned. "You can't keep this from her!"

"I'm just trying not to hurt her." He whispered, his voice tense.

"Edward," I whispered. "By keeping this from her you _are _hurting her."

"I don't see why I have to tell her." He said quickly. "She already agreed to marry me. Tanya was the past, Bella is my life now." **(AN: Ha! I finally said it!) **

"Edward," I said harshly. "If you don't tell her. I will."

"_No!" _He yelled and jumped on me. "You can't!"

"_Why not?" _I shrieked and rolled out from under him, pinning him down. "She's _my _sister."

"And she's _my _fiancée!" He yelled and fought against me, but I held him roughly.

"What's going on here?" Esme said from the doorway. "I heard _screaming _and – _Alice! GET OFF YOUR BROTHER!"_

I yelled and held him harder. "You tell her, before she finds out."

He cried out as I twisted his arm. "I won't!"

I yelled in frustration and was prepared to rip his arm off before Emmett entered and instantly pulled me off Edward. I screamed in anger and fought against him but he was too strong. Jasper came quickly and froze at the doorway, followed my Carlisle, Rosalie nowhere in sight.

Edward stood up quickly, rubbing his arm, his eyes blazed with fury.

"What's happening?" Carlisle asked loudly.

"Ask _him_." I hissed. "Edward I told you, I warned you if you ever hurt Bella, I wouldn't be here to watch and let it happen. She's my _sister _and if you refuse to tell her, I'll tell her myself."

"This is my choice!" He roared. "I will tell her whether I want to or not!"

"You _bastard!_ You went with _another woman _and you didn't even tell your _fiancée!_"

"He didn't tell her?" Emmett roared and let me go and jumped on Edward, who yelled in protest. "You _asshole!" _

"Emmett!" Esme yelled and tried to pull him off. Jasper sent a wave of calm across the room but it did nothing. I looked at him sadly and he shook his head, coming over to me.

"We warned him." He said quietly. "We can't do this to Bella."

"Emmett! _Stop!_" Carlisle yelled and Emmett let go of Edward slowly, glowering at him.

"I'll tell her eventually." He muttered and brushed himself off.

"And when is that?" I snapped. "When you're at the altar? When she's legally stuck with you?"

He glowered. "I'll tell her when it's time."

"When exactly?" Jasper said calmly beside me. "In fifty years?"

"Not fifty." He muttered and looked away.

"I want to know." A quiet voice said from the doorway. We all turned to find Bella standing at the torn down door, pulling rollers out of hair. "I think I should know."

She dropped the curlers down to the ground around her feet and her curled hair fell down her shoulders, if I weren't angry right now, I would have told her she looked beautiful. Bella is so beautiful…her hair, her eyes, everything. The way she stood at the door way, so innocent. But the thing that made me look away, that made me turn my head, was the pain that was evidential in her eyes. That same hollow look I saw in her eyes when we first found her. The feeling of betrayal.

"Let's go everyone." I murmured and stepped around Bella, squeezing her shoulder gently. "Edward has to talk to Bella." I gave him a meaningful look.

"Bella I –"He said but she cut him off.

"What are you hiding now?" She whispered harshly, I winced at her words. The harshness of her voice. "What am I to you? Some amusement?"

"Of course not." He said quickly and took her hand. "Please Bella; can we talk about this later?"

"Why?" She asked quietly, and I was frozen in my spot, as well as the rest of my family. "I trusted you Edward."

"You should," He said quietly. "I'm sorry Bella."

"Tell me then." She challenged him, her voice weak.

Edward opened his mouth slowly but before anything could escape from his throat Rosalie appeared, beaming.

"I have an announcement!" Rosalie exclaimed, and I hissed at her.

"It's not the time." I growled, and clenched my fist. She rolled her eyes and waved me off.

"I'm perfectly aware of what's happening. I just want to say something!"

"_Rosalie_!" I warned and she just winked.

"I invited the Denali Clan to stay with us in preparation for Bella and Edward's wedding." She paused to smile at Bella who looked at her curiously. "And they've agreed!"

I froze in Jasper's arms. And everything seemed to happen at once.

Edward snarled and dropped Bella's hand, his face vicious. He jumped at Rosalie, only to be knocked off by Emmett. Bella's face paled and she looked as if she was ready to throw up. Understand flashed across her face as she watched Edward and Emmett wrestle with each other. She looked up and met Rosalie's eyes, something passed between them, and Rosalie nodded.

"Tanya right?" Bella asked softly, still staring at Rosalie, Edward tensed under Emmett's arms, and his eyes flashed to Bella's unemotional face.

"Yes." Rosalie answered no regret at all in her voice. Bella nodded and bit her lip, her hands pulling down the hem of her shirt.

"Okay," She replied weakly. Her shoulders began to shake slowly, and she shut her eyes tightly, gnawing her lip off.

"Bella," Edward rasped and pushed Emmett off, who went over to take to take Rosalie in his arms. "I'm sorry I wanted to tell you, I was just afraid of what you would say. I would have told you though, I was going to."

She opened her eyes and looked at him for a moment, her eyes searching his face. He pulled her to him gently, hugging her lovingly. I grimaced when her eyes met mine, her eyes staring at me in betrayal. Another secret kept from her. And I did nothing. She pulled of his embrace and walked towards me, pausing at the door.

"I'm not angry, Edward." She told him softly. "I don't blame you for going with her, after all anyone would pick her over me any day. I just…I just need time, okay?"

"Bella, please. I love you." He said quickly taking a step forward.

"I know you do." She said, "If you just told me before, Edward. It wouldn't hurt this bad."

Edward's face crumpled with pain as he took in her words. "Are you leaving?"

"No." She said. "Just taking a small break. Please don't follow me till later."

She turned to me and smiled sadly.

"Tell him I'll be in the meadow. I need to think." She whispered to me so no one else could hear, I nodded and watched my sister walk out of the house. Knowing that we broke her yet again. Edward stared after her, his expression twisted in pain.

Edward yelled in frustration and lurched himself at Rosalie again, this time Rosalie pushed Emmett away so Edward would hit his target. As Bella shut the door behind her, as Esme sobbed loudly, as Jasper tried to tame the untameable.

I couldn't help but wonder what was happening to my family.

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**We're not even half way through with this story, by the way. So, the truth is out! But not the whole truth…anyways, Rosalie is like the bad guy aye? I planned of doing the plot differently. I was going to have this chapter of just Alice and Bella talking, but I thought I should add a little more suspense in. Besides…I don't enjoy writing fluff. So, if anyone out there wants to help out with that it would greatly appreciated! **

**REVIEW!**

**P.S. I know it seems like my chapters are getting smaller, but I'm just trying to spread it out more. **

**Song for this chapter: All That I Got – The Used.**

"_I'll be just fine pretending I'm not, I'm far from lonely and it's all that I've got."_


	11. Chapter 11

**Notice that I've changed my pen name? Heheh, I just didn't like the old one. **

**Just a heads up, my updates are going to be REAL slow. I mean, have you seen my Host story lately? I haven't updated that in like FOREVER. It's not because I have writers block or anything, I know where I want my story to go, and the words are just stuck on hold for now. Things are just crazy, leave it at that. **

**Last Chapter.**

_Edward yelled in frustration and lurched himself at Rosalie again, this time Rosalie pushed Emmett away so Edward would hit his target. As Bella shut the door behind her, as Esme sobbed loudly, as Jasper tried to tame the untameable. _

_I couldn't help but wonder what was happening to my family. _

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**Bella's POV**

"_Where we're going... It's not the right place for you." He explained to me, in that cold, detached voice I was used to these days. I stared into his cold dark eyes and felt my eyes watering. My nightmares were coming to life. _

"_Where you are is the right place for me." I insisted, hanging on my limbs. I slowly felt myself falling apart, piece by piece, lie by lie, and breath by breath._

"_I'm no good for you Bella." He said the emotion evidential in his voice. _

_I felt light headed and dizzy. My very heart being ripped apart. No good for _me? _I was not good enough for him. I understand it now. Of course I'm never good enough for him. But not good enough for me? _Me? _The girl with shit coloured eyes and hair, the girl who can't walk in a straight line, and who can't dance. The girl whose life was nothing until she met the vampire with topaz eyes. _

"_Don't be ridiculous," I insisted weakly. "You're the very best part of my life." The only part. My life _is _him. _

"_My world is not for you." He told me, and I couldn't argue against that. I'm not beautiful like he is, I'm not fast, and I am not strong. I am not anything he deserves. I remember what happened at my party, Jasper's reaction, the way he lunged at me. I should have been afraid. I should have screamed and backed away, ran out of the house so Edward wouldn't feel so bad. But I didn't. I wasn't afraid. They were family, I was their family member…But their leaving. Leaving me behind. I thought they loved me? I thought I meant something? I thought I changed Edward? I thought a lot of things. _

"_What happened with Jasper- that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!" I yelled at him, trying to desperately to change his mind. But I know it's already set. _

"_You're right," He agreed. "It was exactly what was to be expected."_

_I felt tears gather in my eyes, my insides screaming in pain. I felt the most immense pain flooding through my body, but I tried not to show it. I want to be strong. I want to be a vampire. I wonder if he knows how much pain he's putting me through. I frantically began to search for a better memory. I started to remember the loving words he told me in Phoenix, how he promised never to leave me. Promises broken. _

"_You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay-"I begged but was cut off, trying to get him to remember. Hoping when he did, he would remember it with a longing inside like I do now. _

"_As long as that was best for you." He corrected instantly. Of course. _

"_No!" I yelled. The words Carlisle had told me came flooding into my mind. "This is about my soul isn't it? Carlisle told me about that, I don't care, Edward." My voice was shaking and I felt as if though I was on the verge of sanity. "I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it with you- it's yours already!"_

_He inhaled deeply, as if he was annoyed. That's all I am. An annoyance. His eyes met mine once more and he opened his mouth to speak._

"_Bella, I don't want you to come with me." He said simply. _

_A million things happened at once._

_I felt my air supply cut off, and I wonder if he knew. I felt my heart slowly rip apart. I felt myself leaving my body, the numbing feeling setting in. My vision blackened just for a moment as the words I dreaded the most ran through my head once more. _

"_You…" Meaning left my life. "Don't…" Nothing else matters. "Want…" I wonder if he'd care. "Me?" Death never seemed more appealing. _

"_No." _

I snapped out of the scene quickly, taking a slow shaking breath. I was wrapped into a ball, sitting in the meadow like I had told them. I shook with pain as the memories of that day lurked through me. It was so clear, so vivid, as if he was really there. Lies. All lies. I can't even tell up from down, let alone truth from fib. He rules me all too easily, telling me things I thought I could trust.

_Liar, liar, pants on fire. _

How could he? Did he expect me to just marry him and allow him to keep this secret? I'm not mad, no…how could I be mad. I understand, I mean, I'm nothing; of course he wouldn't want me. Tanya…though I've never met her, she's a million times better than me. Everyone is a million times better than me. I'm like a fingernail. Weird comparison, but it's true. You're never aware of your fingernails, there just _there._ You don't _feel _them on your hand; you just know they're there. People paint over it in beautiful colors so it's not the same plain boring thing it is. They paint over me so I can be beautiful. That's why I'm a vampire, that's probably the only reason Edward likes me now. Because I'm painted over. Because I'm a vampire. Because for once in my life I'm beautiful.

My fiancée, cheated on me. I can't even _say _that! He wasn't with me when he hooked up with her, I have no rights to be angry at all. Of course, Edward Cullen _has no flaws. _He had every right to do what he wanted, to meet the people she chose, I can't blame him at all for that. I'm not angry at the fact that he went with her, I'm angry at the fact he _lied _about it.

I would have understood, I would have just smiled at him and said 'oh sweetie, the past is the past. Now let's get married and get fucked up hmmm?' But no, he chose to hide it. Just like he did all those years ago. Does he not realize how delicate I am? How his _lies _have cut through me, time after time after time again…

Swift cheese.

I sat on the cold ground, though it wasn't cold to me, and played with a piece of grass. Numb, that's what I feel. Nothing, nothing at all. I faintly heard fast footsteps approaching me, and I instantly tensed. I could imagine his cold hard face, and his black eyes. He would stare down at me and snap at me, telling me he didn't want me anymore, that all the words he said on the cruise was a lie, that he didn't love me. He would realize the pathetic creature I am, and he'd run off to find beautiful Tanya.

He probably never really loved me. He probably only found me beautiful, and he wanted to seal the deal with marriage so I couldn't run off. I'm never good enough for him, never am I enough. Not even when I was human, the only difference now is that my face is a lot easier to look at.

It's amazing how he so joyfully played with me. Filled me up with this feeling, the rush of love, and the feeling of contentment and belonging. Then rips it away so quickly that I can't see it coming, and I fall backwards as he laughs. This ring on my finger, the promise we made, all felt so distant, like a far away land, even though it was a month and a few days from now. A month, I allowed him to lie to me.

"Bella." A voice whispered and I shut my eyes tightly, my hands balling into fists. "It's Alice."

I relaxed instantly, breathing a sigh of relief, opening my eyes to the vampire who sat in front of me. Her eyes holding pain and pity, her lips twisted in a deep frown.

"How you holding up?" She asked me gently.

"I've had worse." I whispered in reply. "But I've been better too."

She smiled sadly and reached to take my hand. "I'm so sorry, Bella."

I dropped my eyes quickly, glaring at the blade of grass.

She continued. "I warned him, Bella. I really did. I said, 'if you ever lie to her again, I won't be there supporting you.' Or something along that line. He said he wouldn't. But he did. He did, Bella. He's my brother that much I know, but you as well are my sister."

I looked into her eyes and saw pain. I was tearing this family apart. I had no right. No right.

"He shouldn't have done that. He should have told you." She muttered, her eyes blazing with anger. "That bitch isn't even _half _of what you are. You're everything she can never be, Bella. He was stupid, she _is _stupid."

"I'm not angry." I said sadly. My voice shaking.

She stared at me curiously for a moment, her eye appraising me. "You know Bella." She said softly. "Sometimes I wish you would be."

I bit my lip as she continued. "I remember when we first found you, maybe two months ago…I can't remember, even having a vampire mind. You were so broken, Bella. And I hate that we did that to you, it took you so long to accept us again. Now that you have… I-I can't help but feel that I let you d-down, betrayed you yet again. A-And I'm, j-just, so _sorry!"_ She sobbed quietly, and I reached out to her slowly.

I wasn't used to her crying. Never. She was always so happy, so bubbly, and so full of life. To see her at the verge of sanity, to break down because of me. I couldn't help but add this to my life of faults. I've saddened the joyous. Now let's take some candy from kids and call it a day huh?

I hugged her gently, embracing my loving sister in my arms. "It's not your fault. It's not his either." I whispered. "I understand that he'd chose her, she must be beautiful."

She pulled away sharply, and glared at me. "Don't you ever believe that." She said, shaking her head. "You are so much better than she is, Edward was a jerk not to see that. But he does now. He loves you, that part isn't a lie at all."

"I can't hold it against him." I said quietly. I knew that Edward didn't love me. It's impossible for him to love him. "He had all the freedom to do that, I just wish he hadn't hid it from me."

She smiled a small tiny smile. Her eyes scanned my body, and I realized I was still in my wedding dress. It looked beautiful as ever, as I stared at the meadow, I realized this was the place where I would get married, in this same dress. If Edward will still take me that is.

"At least the dress isn't ripped." She sighed, giggling. "You're hair is a mess though, if I may point out."

I plucked a leaf out of my curled hair and threw it to the ground. "I was mad."

She laughed. "I don't blame you."

I smiled softly and we dwelled in the silence. I saw her look at me in somewhat of an awe, her eye glazing over, and for a moment I wondered if she was having a vision. In some ways she ways.

"You look beautiful, Bella." She said finally, staring at me, smiling. "The dress is perfect, and your hair…despite the leaves and twigs, is beautiful. A fallen angel actually."

I looked down at my dress that was spread all around me, a beautiful flash of white, and for a second I believed her. I was a fallen angel, or I looked like one. But then I remembered that angels are perfect, their loved, and their admired. I was no angel.

"Fallen angel." I repeat slowly. "Sure."

She just shook her head and sighed. Suddenly we both were aware of another set of feet heading towards us, the familiar smell filling the air. I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair, a burning sensation in my chest.

"I should go." She said quickly standing up. "I love you, Bella. Okay?"

"Okay, Alice. Thank you." I said up to her, she stared at me for a moment, and then dashed off. I remained on the ground, feeling no need to stand up and greet him. I began to pull grass out of a ground, forming a pile next to me. My eyes burned as I awaited for his harsh words. I didn't move as I heard him stop behind me, I didn't turn to face him, I didn't speak. I saw his shadow towering over me suddenly, and I cringed.

I heard him sit on the ground, a foot away from me, I felt his eyes on me, but I couldn't meet them. See the anger in his eyes, the disappointment. We sat in silence for a very long time, and within that time, I didn't move. I remained like a statue, my hands sitting on my lap, my hair covering my shameful face. I began to tremble slightly, but I fought it, I fought the pain that persisted to poke at me. I felt him shift towards me, and I held my breath. I released it when I felt nothing.

After a moment, I couldn't take it anymore. The silence itself was killing me. I stood up sharply, still not looking at him and without a second though did the thing I've been going me whole life. I ran.

I didn't get far though; I stopped abruptly at the edge of the meadow when Edward suddenly stood before me. His face so unemotional it scared me. I gasped quietly, and instantly drew my eyes away from his dead eyes. I stepped around him quietly and ran again. Only to stop again, because he stood in front of me. I tried again. But failed. Again. Still failed.

As many times as I tried to get around him, he'd show up in front of me unexpectedly. He was faster, he always was. We did this all in silence, an attempt, a block, and then a fail. Repeat again. Attempt. Block. Fail. He didn't say anything; he just stared at me with those empty eyes.

I gathered my strength and sprinted around him, and for an instant I thought I succeeded. Then his arm shot out and grabbed my arm, unintentionally sending sparks up my arm. He held me tightly and stared into my eyes.

"I lost you twice." He whispered. "I'm not going to lose you again."

His words brought a new pain into my soul and I cried out and fell to the ground. I didn't expect him to catch me, but he did anyways. He held me to him tenderly, and I cried into the man who broke me many times, the man who held this power over me, and continued to torture my poor soul.

**Edward's POV (I don't know about you guys, but I want to damn him to hell. But for your sakes I won't.)**

There are no feelings to explain. Hate? Love? Anger? Betrayal? I can't stay on one, so I settled on nothing. I felt nothing. I sat on Alice and Jasper's bed, as Alice rushed off to find Bella, Jasper sitting next to me watching me like a hawk. I turned my head towards the large mirror, and the seat placed in front of it. I imagined Bella sitting there, Alice pulling at her hair, laughing. Being happy. A feeling I seemed to always steal away from her. When Bella showed up in the doorway, I would have died for many reasons. One: She looked so _beautiful_. Her wedding dress hugging her curves, falling to the floor. Her hair curled and beautiful. My beautiful bride Bella. Two: The _pain._ The pain I saw in her eyes, the way she would cringe and wince. Third: The betrayal. The way I betrayed her so easily, cut her without a care. Broke promises, and went back on words.

How could she possibly forgive me? After everything I've done to her, how could she?

"Jasper." I said weakly. "Please, what was Bella feeling?"

He turned and looked at me. His eyes searching my face. "Really?"

"Yes." I replied quietly, shutting my eyes.

"Pain." He said simply, and I cringed. "Betrayal."

I nodded my head and fought back a sob. I opened my eyes and stared into his pitiful eyes.

"Understanding." He whispered.

I tensed and stared at him in disbelief. Bella was always passionate, understanding, loving, but even now. She understood? She accepted me? My lying, grieving, self. An angel. That's what she is. I love her, oh so much. But I've damaged it. I've added another scar to her arm. Another scare that I can't heal.

"She understands, Edward." He said. "But not for the reasons you're probably thinking. You have no idea how she thinks of herself. Nor do I for the matter, but I can feel it. She doesn't consider herself worthy, Edward. She thinks that Tanya is meant for you, because she's perfect, and she is not. You've blinded her, Edward. From the truth."

I gulped painfully. "Bella is everything I could ever want."

"That doesn't change the fact you went with Tanya."

"I know."

"There was still pain though" He added. "Bella is a wonderful person, please realize it."

"I realize that." I whispered pathetically. "I've always known that."

"Then stop torturing her." He snapped, suddenly furious, "Stop _lying _to her, Edward. You've lied to her one time too many. She'll only tolerate this up to an extent. One day, Edward, you're going to push her too far. And you'll lose her. I don't need to be Alice to see that."

I swallowed the emotion, my eyes burning fiercely. "I want to be perfect, Jasper." I murmured. "I really do. _She _thinks I'm perfect, but I'm not. I'm the most horrible person – vampire- to ever live."

He said and shook his head. "Go find her, Edward." He said. "Find her."

I stared into his eyes, and he stared back, raising an eyebrow. _"You love her don't you?"_ I nodded, _"Well, go fight for her."_

I nodded mutely. I stood quickly, thanked him quietly and ran off to find my Bella who I knew was sitting in our meadow. As I ran I thought of how I had hurt her. But I didn't want to, how could I possibly want to? It seemed that fate was always stacking against us, pulling us away from each other. But I can be just as stubborn as she can, I can hold on to her with all my might.

I know what I did was wrong; I lied to her, again. But in a way I didn't. She asked if I had loved her, only _her _for my whole life. And I do. I've loved only her. I didn't love Tanya. How could I love her? It's no excuse for what I have done, but I'll hold on to what I can get.

I am far from perfect. I may be beautiful…on the outside. But I have flaws that once added together turn me into a monstrous human being, even though I'm not even human, I'm a monster. But not because I'm a vampire, but because I just hurt my beautiful Bella again. I'm imperfection; I want to be perfect for her, so she can deserve the best. But I know I can never be. As a vampire, we are considered _flawless. _But truthfully, I have more flaws than any other human can ever possess. I felt my insides whirling in pain as I remembered Bella's hurt eyes; I saw our broken promise there. The one I had broken and shattered. I wondered if she'd ever learn to trust me again.

I felt so empty, so lifeless. I approached the meadow quickly, wondering what could possibly wait for me there. I heard Bella's soft words with Alice, a whisper of goodbye, and Alice running off. I breathed in deeply as I stood behind her suddenly. She stood so still, almost like a statue. I fell to the ground behind her, a good distance between us. I stared at her.

A fallen angel.

Her dress was flared out beneath her, her beautiful hair fell over her shoulders even though it had a few leaves in it. She was in her wedding dress. I felt so helpless, so weak in her presence. We were to be married in this very spot, with her wearing that very dress. But I wondered how that could possibly happen now, and the simple thought of it brought a pain to my chest. She was so beautiful. Everyone has someone or something they just have to _love._ A puppy, a family member, a lover, in my case my Bella. Even now as she was stiff and tense, she was beautiful. I wondered how in the world I had the nerve to hurt her like this.

She stood suddenly, and instantly I knew what she was about to do. I stood quicker and beat her to her escape, she jerked to a stop in front of me, her wide topaz eyes meeting mine. I left myself pale or weaken in her presence and she tried to side step me, but I wasn't going to let her go that easily. That continued on, she tried to get past me but I was being stubborn and blocking her every attempt.

She suddenly ran, and desperately I reached my hand out and snagged her arm, forcing her to stare into my eyes. "I lost you twice." I whispered to her, my eyes burning. "I'm not going to lose you again."

Something inside of her snapped and she fell into me, my arms wrapping around her, sobbing. She cried into my chest and I felt stinging in my eyes as I remembered I was the reason. She cried for I don't know how long into me, and I just held her, whispering that I was sorry over and over again.

She pulled away slowly, but I held onto her tightly, forcing her to look into my eyes. I dared her to look into them and realize I love her, and how sorry I am. Her topaz eyes met mine, filled with pain and confusion. Pain I've inflicted and confusion I've created. All because I was a coward.

"Why?" She whispered her voice painfully beautifully. Just that one word, had me crumbling. That one word, pierced through like a million spears. _Why?_

I hesitated before answering. "I don't know."

Her face twisted and pain and she squirmed out of my grip, my arms falling to my sides, instantly craving for her. "That's not good enough." She told me, trying to fake boldness in her voice. But I could see through her façade.

"But it's all I know." I whispered pathetically. I reached out to take her hand into mine and she shut her eyes shaking her head.

"Why did you lie to me?" She asked me, looking away. "Why do you enjoy hurting me so much?"

I knew it was a rhetorical question, and I remained quiet. Her eyes snapped to mine, her breathing laboured.

"_Why?_" She asked, almost hysterically. I felt her hands shaking in mine, but I refused to let go, I feared if I did, I would lose her. "Why didn't you just tell me?"

I opened my mouth, and then closed it again. No words escaping. I begged her – through my eyes – to stay, to hear me through.

"Because I love you." I whispered.

Her face twisted again ever so slightly. "Lies."

I reached out to hold her face in my hands, her skin shaking under my touch. "It's not. I love you, Bella."

"No you don't." She whimpered quietly. Her words cut through me, and I felt so vulnerable. So weak. So pathetic. "You don't love me at all."

"I do. I love yo–"

"No!" She shrieked, and pushed me away. "You don't! _Stop lying to me!"_ She yelled furiously, her eyes turning pitch black.

"I'm not lying." I whispered painfully. "I'm not."

"You are." She accused. "You never loved me. You are going to leave me, just like you did when I was human. You're going to leave me once we're married, that's all you ever wanted. What am I to you? Some sick game?"

"Bella," I whispered brokenly. How could she ever believe such lies? How could she possibly delude herself to consider such things? Oh, that's right. Because of me. "Bella please."

"Don't." She snapped. "You could have told me Edward." Her voice suddenly went quiet. "You could have told me. I would have understood."

I took another step towards her, my arms open. "Was it wrong of me to want to protect what we have? We were happy, Bella. We were Goddamn happy for the first time in many years. I didn't want to ruin it; I love you too much to spend one moment angry."

She stared at me painfully. Her face still covered in that maddening sadness. That _pain. _

"I don't believe you." She whispered, and sobbed into her hand. "I don't know what to believe!"

She crumbled to the ground and sobbed into her hands. I felt so broken, I felt as if though I was being ripped apart slowly. I slowly approached her, and dropped to my knees, carefully pulling her to me. She fell into me, sobbing into my chest. I stroked her soft brown hair, pulling her tighter as we sat there.

Sitting in the middle of a nightmare.

**Bella's POV (Gah, sorry, I just hate Edward's POV)**

I sobbed into him, though I didn't want to. I hated the fact that I was the one crying, and he didn't even care. I hated the fact that here we were, sitting in _our _meadow. The very meadow where we explored boundaries. Where he trusted me, and I trusted him, when all along it was some joke to him. Another entertainment. I sobbed into just like I would before; I would wrap my arms around him, knowing that he cared about me. Now, it was different. Much different. I cried into him because I wanted him so badly, though I knew it would come to an end. I cried into him so I could hold the one thing I know I'll never hold again. So I could pretend everything was okay, when it never will be, ever again.

I turned my head and stared at the meadow. So innocent, so pure, so beautiful. The grass swayed in the breeze, slightly covered with frost. The trees – some bare – swayed as well to the dance of the wind. In the distance I saw two people.

One, was a man. Insanely beautiful, with tussled bronze hair, and a crooked grin. Almost an angel. He was walking with another person. A woman. She had long brown hair, smiling widely at the man as he pulled her along. Their eyes were filled with pure love, and the way they looked at each other, it broke my soul.

"I think you're getting better." The man teased, leaning down to kiss the woman's forehead.

She sighed and leaned against him, wrapping her frail arms around his perfect body.

"At what?" She questioned, staring into the man's eyes.

"Running." He answered, flashing her that grin that made her smile in return.

"Well, I'm not really the one running now am I?" She answered.

"Very true." He murmured, and held her closer. They love each other. That much was clear. Their love shown across the meadow.

They sat on ground, the woman wrapped in his arms. I imagined she felt very safe there, in his arms. I wished I could feel safe now.

"It's almost your birthday you know." He murmured into her hair, inhaling deeply. "I wonder what we should do."

"Absolutely, nothing." She said smugly, she laughed, a care-free, beautiful, laugh. "I don't want to celebrate my aging."

"Stubborn." He chuckled, and kissed her tenderly.

"It's not till two months anyways. Don't get worked up over it." She said and tucked a lock of her brown hair behind her ear.

"Try telling that to Alice." He chuckled. "It's the first real birthday we'll have in decades."

She grumbled, blushing for no apparent reason. "Just what I need. A party with vampires who will _never_ grow old, celebrating my age. Exactly what I want."

They both laughed and held each other. Held each other as if nothing else matter, as if all that exists was their love. In their world, it probably is.

"Have I told you lately, I love you?" He whispered, and kissed her lovingly.

"Only a million times." She murmured against his lips, her hands twisting into his hair.

"I love you, then." He said, and pulled away. She pouted and he laughed.

"I suppose I love you too." She replied teasingly, and leaned forwards to kiss him again.

"I love you," He whispered again. "I love you, I love you, I love you…"

His voice drifted away in the wind and the memory disappeared. I watched as the couple vanished slowly, just as their lips touched again. Gone.

"I love you."

I snapped my head towards Edward to watch me with pleading eyes. "I love you." He repeated.

I felt the doubt start to creep in, but I wanted to fight against it; I wanted to tell it: it was wrong. But I couldn't, I just couldn't.

"I gave you everything." I whispered, touching his face. "But it wasn't good enough."

His face fell. "You gave me more than enough. Please, believe me."

"I don't know what to believe anymore." I said sadly. "I just don't."

"Believe me now." He insisted desperately.

"You broke our promise, Edward." I whimpered.

"I know I did. I'm sorry, Bella." He whispered, and leaned forward. "Please, I can't lose you."

"But Edward," I whimpered. I looked up to meet his eyes. "You already did."

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**I don't like Edward. I never did actually. Anywhoo, it's NOT over, there will probably be like 20 something more chapters to come. MAYBE. My mind is always changing. **

**GAH! This chapter has SO MANY errors with my 'tenses' is that even a word? I can spot them, but I have no clue how to fix them. Knew or know? I'm clueless. Hahah so I'm looking for someone to proof read my story. Tweek a few things and proof read my new chapters when I send it to them. PM if you're interested. **

**Edward's Chapter song: Break Myself – Something Corporate. (such an awesome band)**

"_Well, I'm willing to break myself, to shake this hell from everything I touch. I'm willing to bleed for days my... reds and grays, so you don't hurt so much."_

**Bella's Chapter Song: Every Second – Change of Pace. (love them too!)**

"_And I remember every second, every moment. This can't last forever."_

**REVIEW!**

**p.s. I've written a new one shot/ song-fic, "What If You?" Check it out. BYE!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Last Chapter**

"_I know I did. I'm sorry, Bella." He whispered, and leaned forward. "Please, I can't lose you."_

"_But Edward," I whimpered. I looked up to meet his eyes. "You already did." _

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**Bella's POV.**

It seems as if, when you are changed into a vampire. More than your strength and appearance is amplified. Beauty is one thing, and power is another. But there is that untouched subject of emotion. Human emotions – as I have experienced, are strong things. Manipulative, sometimes even wicked. If we were human, I wonder if the emotions would be as intense. If the betrayal would be as wounding. If the situation would be as wrong.

Girls have been cheated, wounded, beaten, and betrayed. But how many of them could say that they have committed the same sin in return? Committed the same wronging you accuse of your lover. Can it be called hypocritical? Or simply the impulse of moment. Adrenaline rushes so strong it catches you off guard, leaving marks from whiplash. Every single scar repulses you, reminds you of your vice actions. So then, how am I able to hold this against him, when I am guilty of the same wronging? But most of all; how am I able to judge and condemn when I am the one on trial?

His muscular face flooded my mind. And I found myself thinking about the one person who I have forgotten too easily. The one who was there, when Edward was not. The one with the wide smile, and dark eyes, long lashes, and a strong jaw. The one who sits upon the point of what is right, and what is immoral. The best friend who was hopelessly in love with a vampire.

I loved Jacob, up to an extent. I loved him in areas I knew Edward could never claim, yet there were areas in which Jacob would never fit. He filled some cracks when I was shattered, but not the deepest one. These last wounds seem untouchable. So powerful, that not even the one who had broken me, can fix. Jacob claimed a part of me when he fixed me. A part I thought I lost in the process of transformation. Two worlds, Jacob and I. Just as Edward and I had been. Separated due to the judgement of a higher being who decides to entangle our fates. So the question is: now what?

Where is there to go when you have reached the point of brokenness? When at the deepest depths of hell, burning in that inferno, only light can bring salvation, right?

Then, there is always that concept of fire.

When a fire blazes, engulfing everything in its path; when destruction is all it seeks, when it reaches its bottom level of all annihilation. It never burns out. Just an open window, the attempt to conquer the flames, feed its furious lust. Allowing it to grow, larger, stronger than ever before. Just the simplest gesture can set it off, pushing it towards insanity. Then, they say, that when another fire occurs, one just as mighty and as strong, it obliterates the first.

Fighting fire with fire.

Burning out with an anguished cry of defeat. Why? Because there is not enough air for both fires to co-exist. Sometimes, in order to solve life's most terrifying problems, you must show domination, rather than understanding. For it is that understanding, that feeds the flames of destruction.

So where am I to go now? As I sit in my own fiery inferno, in the midst of all pain and hurt. Which path am I to take?

There is always the path, the path I have walked upon so many times that it has become a second home. The path of the heartbroken. I have memorized every step, every curve and twist to this path, because I walked upon it, those years before. Caused by the same vampire who sits before me, only he is in my mercy, instead of me, in his.

Then there is another path. A path I am not familiar with, nor have heard of until this point. The path of redemption, of boldness, and determination. Not so violence, but rather strength. Perfect Edward and I may not be for each other, but fate sent, yes. Fate has brought us here, just as I presumed. But for what reasons? I used to believe it was for love, for cherishment and forgiveness. But now, as my heart, and my mind, drift farther from what is moral, I wonder if it simply for amusement. To be the ant under the microscope, or the fish out of water, squirming for its little life.

I stared at my Edward. His bronze hair fluttering in the breeze, his golden eyes, rimmed with black, starring at me. My eyes danced along his jaw line, remembering when I would shower it with kisses. His lips, the top lip fuller than the bottom, turned down in a frustrated frown. I remembered how we had our promises, and how I looked forward to the greater promise that approached.

Those vows said at the altar, bonding us as husband and wife. Offering us to the world as a pack, rather than an individual. Leaving all hate, and resentment in the past. Leaving the past, untouched and unspoken of. Maybe that is where we went wrong. Leaving the past simply…as the past. Allowing it to just sit there, like a heavy burden. We have addressed it before, but never enough, and never the right places. My pain was always the one on topic. The pain he forced upon me when he left. Then the pain he said he endured when he made the choice.

I wondered if Tanya relieved him of that.

The thought of her, another vampire, holding my Edward, taking the position he relieved me of. Pushing me away, and pulling Tanya in. The thought is what hurts me the most. How he had so easily accepted her into his midst of sorrow, hoping for a distraction. Distraction it may have been, but I doubt that, that went both ways.

He begged for forgiveness, redemption only I can give to him.

What strikes me the most is how I am in no condition to judge him of this.

Because I needed a distraction too. Only in a different form. I too, felt the pain of separation, and can relate to his sorrow and misery. Technically, we no longer belonged to each other within that time. Who am I to punish him for being free?

"Bella," He whispered quietly, in such a manner that broke my heart. "If you'd only consider…t-the regret and _guilt _that hovered over my shoulders, you could understand. Sometimes…pain is so intense…so powerful, you lose all sense of what is right, you don't function properly. I don't know how you'll understand that but –"

"I understand more than you could ever imagine." I interrupted, tears hovering on the edge of my eyes, of course, never falling. "Don't you dare accuse me of not knowing what pain is." I looked away, glaring at the meadow that used to be so beautiful to me. "I suffer through it every moment."

His eyes hardened, and he instantly dropped his eyes to the ground.

"You did lose me," I whispered, and reluctantly his eyes found mine again. "All those years ago, you lost me. You threw me into my own personal hell." I glared at him. "Don't do it again."

"That's what I'm trying to prevent," He replied quickly, his pained eyes begging me. "I don't want to go through this again. What I have done," He reached and grabbed my hand. "The wrongs I've committed. All the faults I may possess are the past. This is simply unnecessary pain."

I wondered which I was to believe this time.

**Unknown POV.**

They sat in the middle of their meadow. Her scent entranced me, along with his. They sat facing each other, pain evident on both their faces. I felt like I was intruding, by simply glancing at them I was in the midst of a deep secret. Secrets are my specialty; I live them, breathe them, hold them, and reveal them. The way they sit so close to each other, turned my stomach.

Her brown hair flew in the wind as she sat in a wedding dress.

_A wedding dress._

We all had received their invitations, inviting me to their grand wedding. Finally, the two lost lovers reunited. Together once more, to dwell in prosperity and success. It sickens me that they are both delusional enough to believe such a thing. There is no such thing as love, or at least not true love.

Love, so they say, has very many definitions. A blessing, chance, fate. All human misconceptions if you ask me. Love is lust. Need. Desire. Beautiful, maybe, blessing, definitely not. I wasn't born this way, with hatred. Humanity can do that to you. Lost loves can as well.

My nomad and alliance crouched next to me, her long dark hair almost touching the ground. She turned her head towards me, her crimson eyes meeting my own. I nodded, and she did in return. Her knee was jumping up and down in anticipation and I glared at her. Her inability to be still annoys me beyond any standards. Her incapability to be well mannered or civilized tugs at my very nerves. Crazy, I could call her, but I'd never dare. Not until this is over at least.

Her loutish and hectic nature was a contrast to my serious and stern life style. I have been used, needed, for many years. I have powers that are yet to be mentioned, and along with my assistance, this task will be the easiest to complete. For all my years as a vampire, I only lived for one purpose. My authority is beyond anyone's comprehension. Everyone is putty in my hands, weak on their knees by my command. Of course I'm needed. I am always needed, everyone yearns for my help, but only few are blessed with that graciousness. I suppose that's the reason why I do these things so willingly, finding to wrong in such actions. Feeling wanted. Feeling like I have a purpose, regaining that emotion I lost those decades ago.

I suppose, when I was human, though the memories are very faint, I lost something then. There is that one memory, one single memory that I can remember so well. Living through it as if it was yesterday. They say the brightest memory is always the most painful. His angry words, his harsh hands, the sound of my mother screaming for him to stop…

_Another kick was sent straight to my stomach and I double over in pain, crying out as I fell to the floor. The tears fell quickly, it streamed down my cheeks. I shut my eyes tightly and braced myself for the next blow. _

_Like expected his foot hit my thigh and I whimpered in terror. I snapped my eyes open, staring up at the blurry figure who stared at me with nothing but hate twisted upon his hideous features. _

_He spat on me and walked away, walking away from his beaten child. _

_Shaking, I stood to my feet, my body shaking with fear, tears tumbling freely. I saw my mother cowering in the corner and for a moment, her fear-stricken eyes met mine and a flow of pity passed between us. Our pain and sufferings pasted through us, through our eyes, we are united. Its pitiful, how the only time I can call her family, is when we are both in the midst of this horrendous life. Because only then, do we share emotions, only then are we bonded and understood. I then stared at the figure that was supposed to be my father, but instead I saw that twisted monster glaring at me. My body ached and I whimpered as I wrapped an arm protectively around myself. _

_My friends told me of their fathers; how they would buy them new clothes, take them into the village, but more than anything, allowing them to live in the centre of love. To be engulfed within warmth that cannot be projected by fire or heat. An inner grace, an inner peace that is followed after the tender touches of family. _

_My father deprived me of those things. Not only throwing me away from the food, the comfort, and the shelter. He stripped me of my youth, thrusting me in an inhumane way into adulthood. _ _I grew up too quickly. My body is evidence of the crime. _

_At my age, I would have been handsome, beautiful, and attractive. But my arms scattered with bruises, my cheeks tinted with blue. _

_My mind whirled with images, emotions, and thoughts as I tried to contain my screams of anger. I wasn't supposed to act like this. So weak and fragile. _

"_I hate you!" I screamed as loud as I could. Praying that even the angels in heaven could hear me, so maybe, just maybe, I would be pulled out of this terror._

_I heard his angry bellowing voice behind me as I ran up the stairs, tripping and stumbling, scraping my knees on the wood floor. I heard my mother crying, trying to sooth the untameable monster._

_I sobbed loudly and pushed open my bedroom door. I fell to the ground after locking my door, too weak to reach my bed. I cried loudly into the cold floor. Trying to feel security that I knew did not exist. _

_I imagined the arms of angels wrapping around me, soothing the hair out of my eyes and wiping my tears. They'd smile at me, their beauty able to tame this constant pain. They'd whisper their prayers in my ear take me by the arm and lead me to heaven's gates. To where protection is. I imagined them with golden hair and blue eyes, a halo hovering upon each of their heads. Wings extended to full glory, in white gowns that made them a true form of what is beautiful. _

_They'd smile at me, and urge me forward. Hesitantly I'd push open the golden gates, and there, I would find home._

_But no angels came that night. No matter how much I would pray or dream, none ever came to my rescue. Leaving their harps untouched and their wings unused, watching me suffer and scream for mercy. _

_My breath was heavy as I pushed myself off the floor. _

"_Please," I heard my mother beg. "William, please. Stop, I –"_

"_Shut up, you whore!" I heard him scream at her, followed by her terrified scream. _

_I heard his heavy steps climbing up the stairs towards my room, and I began to panic. I ran around my room frantically, pushing random items into a small bag I owned. I stuffed the few coins I had into the pocket of my pants and zipped my bag. My heart was thumping rapidly in my chest, fear expanding over my body._

"_Come out; come out, wherever you are!" He sang in his husky tone, chuckling to himself. _

_A small cry escaped from my lips, and I ran to my window, lifting it up quickly. _

_I stared down at the hard ground that seemed a million miles away. I heard my door shuddering, and I shut my eyes tightly. I threw my bag to the ground, watching as it fell through the air before landing on the ground with a thump. I gulped and lifted on leg out the window, clutching onto the ledge tightly. _

Do it, _I urged myself, but my body told me otherwise. _

_Suddenly the door flew open and my angry father's face filled with room. His eyes fell upon me, half out the window, tears streaming down my cheeks, my mouth open in fear._

_He laughed bitterly. "You want to jump, stupid child?" He laughed again; his laugh had an evil tone to it, sending shivers through my body. "Jump. Go ahead."_

_I cried loudly now, looking back at the ground. I wanted to jump, so badly how I wanted to. But there is always a moment in your life. Where sometimes, things don't happen the way you want them to, and no matter how much you try it will it devours over you._

"_No one wants you," He spat, his eyes dancing with fury. His blue eyes lit like blue flames, and I wondered how anything could be as fearful as his eyes. "You're worthless. Who will care if you die? It's all you'll ever be. Nothing." _

_He stared at me, and all my pain was laid out on display for him. "Jump."_

_So I did. _

_I jumped straight into the night, falling on my arm, breaking it in the process. But little did I know that, that was only the beginning of the pain that was yet to come. _

Pain is funny sometimes.

One person caused me so much pain, that it morphed me into this…killer. A killer worse than all others. The type that holds no compassion, no mercy. His beatings made me into what I am now. Why people call upon me, why people need me. He was wrong. I am wanted. Now, more than ever.

This task will be my redemption.

Vampirism has been good to me, allowing me to live life higher than all others. Allowing me to spit upon my father's grave, and leave flowers upon my mother's. Allowing me to look down upon those hateful humans and other vampires, and realize they are nothing compared to my superiority.

I have taken a break from my recent post, allowing them to have a peace of mind for a short while. Once I heard of the plea, this task, I knew I could not refuse. Everyone knows of the famous Edward and Bella – the vampire world at least. Ever since the wedding invitations were sent, they were the topic of conversation. Edward Anthony Cullen, presumed to be gay, alas found his mate. His love, his everything.

Yet as I watched them now, they seemed far from in love. Their heated fight, the anger and pain gleaming in their eyes, gave me the impression that my job is already in the process of completion.

My nomad snapped a twig with her foot accidently and I snapped my head towards her, glaring at her. Her eyes grew wide, and her breathing stopping. We both held our breaths and froze as Edward's head snapped up.

His eyes scanned the meadow quickly; I winced as his eyes past our hiding spot, overseeing our presence.

"Did you hear that?" He asked quickly, interrupting whatever Bella was saying.

Bella's head snapped up as well, her eyes as well scanning the meadow.

"No," She answered.

"I swear, I heard a twig snap."

She groaned in frustration. "We're in a meadow, Edward. It could have been a squirrel."

"No," He muttered, standing up. His stance rigid, and prepared. "There's something out there."

_Shit!_ I thought loudly, my fists clenched.

"Stop being so melodramatic." She hissed up at him.

"Me?" He asked as if she was joking. "You're kidding."

"Actually, no," She answered angrily. Her voice rising higher in her fury. "I'm actually quite serious; I've been serious this whole time, as opposed to you of course." She gritted her teeth. "This is all just some sick joke to you."

Anger and frustration lighted again in his eyes and they returned to their fight. I mentally breathed out in relief, shutting my eyes in thanks. My years and years of hiding, learning how to blend into a background, hiding my vampire scent, paid off.

It was hard to follow exactly why they were fighting, their reasons behind their topic, but the pain was evidential. _Observe. _That is what we must do for now. Watch, listen, and find their weaknesses. Find that one thing that will make them set off.

I slowly reached my hand over to her frozen form, wrapping my hand around her wrist. Her crimson eyes met mine and I nodded slightly.

Slowly we stood up, hidden in the shadows of trees. Our eyes locked once more, and we raced off into the forest, our footsteps soft. I pushed myself harder, and she kept up with me easily. We ran in twisted directions, in case anyone was to stumble upon our scent. I knew better than to allow that.

We ran out of the forest, and into the roads. Our images were blurs to humans. Sometimes humans would misinterpret our passing as ghost, claiming they were gifted and are able to connect to the other world. Pitiful, if you ask me.

Once we were in a safe area, a far distance from the Cullens I swerved around to glare menacingly at my partner. She halted and her eyes grew wide. Her wild untamed black hair framing her face.

"You," I growled. "Almost cost us this mission."

"I-I'm sorry," She stuttered, taking a step back. "I have a problem sitting still for a long time and –"

I laughed bitterly, and in an instant I had her throat in my hands. I pulled her face close to mine and snarled.

"Mess this up, and it's your life." I tightened my grip around her little neck to prove my point. She nodded frantically, her eyes wide as saucers.

I let her go and she backed away instantly, her eyes filling with shock and fury.

"I'm a part of this too," She insisted. "Just as much as you are."

I whirled on her, my eyes piercing.

She gulped and continued. "We were both asked. This can't be completed without the both of us."

"Do you want to come out of this alive?" I hissed.

She nodded glumly. "Then I suggest you do everything I say." I narrowed my eyes. "Master won't be happy to discover your disobedience."

"The Cullens never did anything to me!" She yelled. "Who am I to follow orders?"

My eyes darkened. Before I knew anything, I was lunging at her neck.

**Carlisle's POV. (Whoohoo, sexy beast.)**

Esme and I prayed that this would not end as before. Resulting in a broken family. My children's broken faces flooded my mind. Their joys decreased by the missing presence of another sister. I didn't want to go through that again. To have to hold my family together, watching them scatter and break. Esme's miserable features every time she would look at Edward.

I cannot say that Edward was right to keep this from Bella. But I also cannot say that Bella is able to be furious. And now, as I heard a car park in our driveway, I knew this would become more complicated.

"Carlisle, Esme!" Eleazar's boomed through our house.

I grinned, instantly pushing my worries aside. It's on instinct, not as a vampire, but as a father.

"Eleazar," I greeted, "It's been a while, old friend."

"That is has," He clapped me on the shoulder. "Hello Esme." He smiled at her.

She smiled back and wrapped him in a friendly hug. I saw she too, was able to mask her pain, plant a smile upon her lips, and light a false joy in her eyes. We have many years mastering this, it becomes a second nature to us, just like hunting.

"How was your trip?" She asked him, smiling.

"Alright," He answered. "We stumbled upon a family of grizzly bears. A very fulfilling meal."

I stared at his light golden eyes. "Where is your wife?"

As if on cue Carmen appeared at the door. "Esme!" She exclaimed, her long black hair swung as she grasped my wife in an embrace.

"Carmen," Esme said warmly. "Where are your girls?"

Suddenly an image appeared the door, grinning widely. I recognized her by her chin length, silvery blond hair.

She embraced both of us.

"It's good to see you, Irina." I said.

"I'm so excited," She gushed. "To finally meet Bella."

"We've heard so much about her," Kate piped in as she too, hugged me. Her long waist length, blond hair with a tint of red, covered her face. "She's the talk of the vampire world, you know."

I laughed, pushing the thought of what Bella and Edward were actually doing right now.

"Where is Bella?" Carmen asked. "I'd like to meet her as well."

"It's unfortunate," I started. "But a situation has occurred."

Carmen sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. "It's because we're here isn't it?"

I didn't answer.

"She's unsettled because of Edward's past relationship with Tanya." I explained quietly.

Everyone fall silent. Confusion, tension, and discomfort hung in the air.

"It's been a long time," Irina whispered, her golden eyes meeting mine. "I don't see the complication."

"We assumed," Carmen said, placing a hand upon Irina's shoulder. "When Rosalie invited us over in preparation for their wedding, that the situation was settled." She shared a look with Eleazar. "I suppose we should have clarified before heading over."

I waved my hand and shook my hand. "No one is at fault here."

Esme stepped forward. "We are honoured to have your presence here as we would have been in any other circumstances. Despite the problems between our children, you're always welcome in our home."

Carmen smiled softly, and I rubbed my face in frustration.

"I must speak with you in private, Carlisle. If that is alright." Eleazar said, calmly.

"May I ask of what it is referring to?" I asked in return.

He sighed. "Tanya."

That's all I needed. I nodded and gestured him towards my study.

"Come, I'll show you all to your rooms." Esme said kindly. The girls murmured in response, nodding their heads.

I met Esme's eyes, and our pain momentarily flowed between. The possibility of destruction was hanging over us, and we both felt it. Her lovely features twisted ever so slightly, but she composed herself quickly. Our children's sanity was at stake here. And nothing will stand in our way this time.

Though, they were never truly our children, in many ways they are. We love them as our children, as family and as friends. Human's say that in order to be a successful parent, one must be able to hold their newborn child for the first time, and realize that for once, another life is more important than your own. To hold your child as they take their first steps, spoon feed them, bathe them, and watch them as they grow. Many things Esme and I are not able to do, and never will be able to do, but the growing process of our children is irrelevant to the unconditional love we have. A parent can commit to all those moment in a child's life, be a parent in places I can never be, but their love will never be as strong as ours.

A love of a parent is something that should not be lost in the transformation. But I know the truth is hideous. I will never be able to replace any of their parent's, Edward's especially, but I can at least, give them that security that they would never have otherwise.

But that security is at risk at the moment. Because of the lies told, and the pasted choices taken. The anger and frustration that hibernates between Bella and Edward is able to collapse our entire family.

The minute Bella first stepped foot into my home those years ago, I felt her force. Her evident charm, the blush tainted on her cheeks whenever my son would touch her, was enough to tell me that my son had found his mate. That maybe after all, he would not be as lonely. That maybe, for once, life was giving him a chance.

But then, that unattainable moment on her birthday. The way her eyes grew wide and Jasper's a coal black. The way in that moment, when I saw Edward's eyes widen, her scent exploding throughout the room, I knew that a love like theirs would be more difficult.

My philosophy upon that situation was this: the more challenges and the more pain there is to endure in a love as unique as theirs, the more happiness would follow soon afterwards. Bella's safety was always an issue for Edward; he was always so considerate, so passionate, and selfless.

But the minute he ran back into the house, his face twisted in pain, his body shaking. His eyes no longer a light shade of topaz, but rather pitch black filled with pain and regret. I knew he committed the most selfish crime there is to commit.

He broke the fragile human who loved him so dearly.

Filling her precious head with false beliefs, the head of my daughter.

He was able to convince us to stay away from her. That it was for the best that we left her alone and allowed her to be human – since after all, that's what she was. I suppose, I should have fought harder, begged more, urged my son to see the faults.

He shrunk into a shell then. My son seeped away from me, trickling through my fingers and away, caged and guarded. He would live, he would feed, and that contented Esme and I to an extent. He was trying.

Things changed, and things remained as before. He would hunt with us, I would work at the hospital as he and his siblings went to high school. He would participate in vampire gatherings, greeted anyone who talked to him. But there were small things that we noted, the signified that we lost Edward.

His piano. Remained untouched and coated with a layer of dust. His musical and beautiful compositions would be but a melody in our heads, never to be heard in this house again. His CD's would be in their cases. Except for one song.

That one melody that would always seep through the house, for once, giving us a glimpse of Edward. A glimpse of hope.

Clair De Lune – I believe it is called.

It would play randomly in our house, always coming from Edward's room. It would entrance us all and momentarily we would all have Bella dancing in our heads.

I wondered if Edward experienced the same, and if that's the reason he played it so often. The softness and sweetness of the song would bring Bella's laugh into our ears. The song reflecting upon her personality. So soft and gracious. A trait not many human's can possess, but Bella possessed it, as if it was given to her at birth – and it seemed at the time, like it had.

Then came the time when the Denali Clan visited. And that is instantly where the music stopped. Edward and Tanya. It never sounded like music to my ears. It had always been Bella and Edward, an automatic phrase to your lips, the time that sounds so right. I would stare at my son, looking for a trace of love that would indicate that he moved on.

But I never found one.

His face would be tense whenever he was around her, as opposed to his relaxed and free nature around Bella. I felt as if though he was doing this in order to move on, but now I believe it was different reasons.

It was not to move on, but rather, to forget.

The thought kills me – but I have no reason to deny it. Tanya was always the worse of the sisters. The brattiest and most superficial. But if she made my son happy, I would accept her. But I cannot deny that I was not relieved after their break up.

Up to this day I still don't have the full story as to why they broke up, only that it brought a great relief to my family. And even now, I still can't fully understand why they go together in the first place.

If only Edward had been more –

"Carlisle," Eleazar's voice brought my out of my thoughts, and I blinked at him.

I immediately sat in one of the office chairs, and he followed suit.

He looked down at his hands, frowning slightly. "Carlisle," He murmured. "I would like to hear the full situation, if you don't mind. The truth."

I stared at him, and tilted my head to the side.

"I know there is something." He explained. "The tension in your home is thick."

I sighed, staring at my old friend.

Wondering if really, he would be able to understand. So I told him our sad fairytale, starting when Edward found Bella. I told him of Bella's unwillingness at first, then her acceptance. I told him our tragic story. The kind that would seem so cliché, so painful to be reality. I then told him of the betrayal and the anger. The lies and the deceptions. The worthless words spoken and the most hurtful as well.

He stared at me with sympathy on his face; a friend's pity is the worst kind.

"Would it be better if we leave?" He asked after a moment of silence. "I don't want to put stress upon your family, seeing the circumstances."

I studied the walls of my home, ignoring his question all together. "Where is Tanya?" I asked.

His mouth formed a tight line. "She will be arriving later. We thought it would be better if we settled things down first, in case of…" he trailed off, but his sentence didn't need to be finished to be understood.

"I understand," I muttered. "Thank you for the consideration."

"So what is it we do now?" He inquired.

"I suppose," I said, acting as if I knew. But the truth is that we all ask that same question: _now what?_ "I'll talk to Bella and Edward."

"I think that would be best." He said quietly.

I stood up slowly, and he did as well.

"I pray for nothing more than peace in your home, Carlisle." He said and grasped my shoulder.

"Thank you," I said, forcing a smile. "Esme will show you to your room with Carmen."

With that I walked out the door. Once out of the home, ignoring the talking of Irina and Kate, the quiet explanations of Carmen and Eleazar, and the quiet cries of Esme, I ran towards my children who were lost.

It's the worst fear for a parent, to have their children lost. Wandering around in unknown territories, danger lurking around the corners. My daughter and son now were in that position. Only these scars would be the most painful. Usually on TV, we'd see the young children, eyes wide, crying out for their parents. As they would trip and fall through the dark woods, a dark figure would always be following. They would cry for their parent's, screaming in terror at the snap of a twig. I want nothing more than to save my children from that. Though the concept of them ever being physically lost is impossible, but they were both right now, swimming in a sea of mysteries.

I knew now, more than ever, they were lost beyond any boundaries any woods could contain.

Because with every light there is in a path, there is darkness, edging around it.

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**Bella and Edward's Chapter Song: Pin Up – Evans Blue.**

"_But don't look down because I don't know. Falling is fatal from this height I know I should have never held you up this high, this high."_

**Unknown's Chapter Song: Face down – the Red Jumpsuit Apparatus**

"_Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end  
as your lies crumble down, a new life she has found."_

**Carlisle's Chapter Song: Absolutely (Story of a Girl) – Nine Days**

"_Now how many days in a year has she woke up with hope, but she only found tears?"_

**Alright, I know. Longest time ever to update. I'm not going to bore you with my excuses. **

**This chapter is dedicated to my wonderful beta, ****xxScarletteCullenxx,****for her super fast reading and literature skills! **

**Please review, I'll try my best to update. IN THE MEANTIME! Check out my soon to be two shot still currently a one shot, Second Chance. **


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